DOSE:

3.0 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

This was written 1 day before the trip:

I am supposed to trip tonight with my girlfriend, but she has not been feeling well mentally these past few days, so we might do it another day. The last time we tripped was about one and a half month ago. This will be her second time. I, for myself, have used mushrooms about 15 times, in the course of 1 and a half year.

I'll let her decide if she feels comfortable enough.

We will both be going for three grams of high potency psilocybe cubensis mushrooms (unknown strain). I feel ready. I feel good both physically and mentally, but I am concerned about my girlfriend's state of mind. But she's old enough to know what to do herself.

I have fixed myself a goal for this trip. I am not looking forward to experience ego-death (anyways the dose is too low for that), but I want to work on my ego. I want to know everything about it. I want to know how important I am. I want to know if I am, in fact, important at all.

Mabye those questions will be answered. Mabye not. We'll see.


This is the actual trip report:

The trip went incredibly well. At 11:40, when everyone was asleep in the house, we each took the first gram. We took the two other grams about 15 minutes later. Since we had not eaten for about 8 hours, the effects came on very quickly. At midnight I was feeling very obvious effects, and they became stronger and stronger with every passing minute.

We both gradually started shaking uncontrollably. I wasn't cold, I was just shaking a lot. I could stop it when I concentrated on it, but I decided to let go of everything. We jumped in bed. I was a bit nervous, because I was coming up faster than I ever had before. I was a bit nauseous, too.

I put on Shpongle's 'Once Upon the Sea of Blissful Awareness', and we both closed our eyes, holding hands, as the mushrooms were doing their magic. Things were getting very interesting. My girlfriend noted that she had visuals, but they seemed to be black visuals on a black background. I agreed. But soon enough, colors came jumping from every direction, creating colorful drawings, constructions and machines of all sort.

I opened my eyes. Walls were breathing, things were moving and dancing to the music; so was my imagination. I looked at my girlfriend. Her pale green eyes were deep and inviting. They had waves all over them. They looked like two small oceans.

'Are you scared?', I asked her.
'No...'

She smiled and came closer to me. We still had the shakes, but it wasn't as intense as it was a few minutes before. I would leave the atmosphere very soon. I could very well compare the intense coming up to a rocket launch. And then, all of a sudden, things settled down. Bam. I was floating in space.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to have a smoke. We went in the bathroom and had one. I was peaking hard. The white walls of the room were covered with shifting multicolored patterns. I was sitting down on the bathroom floor, with my legs crossed. I was feeling great.

We left the bathroom and went back in bed. We talked for a long time, but I'm having problems remembering what we said. We talked about anything that we felt like saying. I told her some of the things I know about mushrooms, LSD and psychedelics in general. Since she was tripping, I know that she could perfectly assimilate what I was telling her.

'Psychedelics, in my opinion, allow you to see everything in retrospect. They pull you out of the world, and they let you see everything as it really is. '

I remembered that I had fixed myself a goal for this trip. In the past few weeks, I had been asking myself if I was more important than anybody. Even though I strongly beleive that everybody is equal, sometimes, when I find myself confronted to some people who don't seem to have anything good to them, I tend to put myself in front. It doesn't show in the way I act, but it shows in the way I think. I was wondering if it was normal, and if I needed to fix it.

My girlfriend, on the other side, has a low self-esteem. I wanted to help her.

'Do you think it's normal to consider yourself more important, somtimes?', I asked, curious to know what she would tell me.

'No, I think everybody is equal...'

'Me too. But, take the normal, average guy, for example. He goes to school, he goes to parties on Friday nights, he gets wasted. You know. I'm talking about somebody who is, between you an me, not very intelligent. Around somebody like that, things are out of my reach. I can't help but to feel more important than him.'

I took a short pause. Then, I understood.

'I think it's an instinct. We human being are like that. It's in our nature to fight with each other, it's in our nature to be selfish.'

I was proud of myself.

We are animals, after all. Our first and most important task is to survive. Two human beings and one piece of bread: both want to eat it to stay alive. Each will put themselves in front.

I understand that I must push this instinct away. That's what evolution is about. And mushrooms are about evolution.

'I don't think you consider yourself important enough. Your self esteem is too low. Do you like yourself?'

'No, I don't...', she answered.

I thought it was sad. She is such an amazing person, and I feel that she has the right to feel good about herself. She pays more attention to the little negative details than to the important qualities. I started feeling incredible rushes of well being. It was not because of the mushrooms. It was because of her. I was coming down, now.

'Nothing matters when I'm with you.', I told her.

I held her in my arms. I felt invincible.

I had never told her 'I love you.' Why not? Because I didn't feel in love. I liked her more than anything else, but it wasn't love, yet.

'Do you think I could say that I love you? Do you think I do?'

She smiled at me, and hugged me. I asked her if she thought it would be possible. 'I think so, yes.', she answered.

There was a long pause. A few minutes passed. I whispered the three words in her ear. She was shaking. Suddenly, every muscle in my body felt drained, but I was comfortable. I was worried. She wasn't answering.

'What are you thinking about?', I asked her. There was another short pause. I was looking away.

'I think I'm crying.', she said.

I turned around. She was. Her eyes were full of tears, and she was smiling. It was a happy smile.

Then, after what seemed to be an inhuman effort to put herself back together, she said, with a weak and shaky voice, 'I love you too.'

I won't even try to describe how I felt then. I was too happy to talk; I was sobbing, but the tears would not come out. I took many minutes to enjoy the moment, whispering a few nice things in her ears with the energy I had left.

We went in the bathroom to have another smoke.

'I'm full of music!', she said. She was so happy, and so was I.
'There's too much happiness! I don't know what to do with it!', she said.
'How about we just share it?', I told her.

She kept dancing. She couldn't stop laughing, for no apparent reason. I loved seeing her like that.

There we were, in the dark, in the bathroom. She was cleaning the ashes on the side of the toilet seat, singing and dancing, and I was rolled up in fetus position on the bathroom carpet, too happy to move or talk.

I smiled at the though of somebody walking in on us. The situation was weird, to say the least. I loved it. We went back in bed, talked about the undescribable emotions that we were both feeling, and eventually fell asleep.

We woke up in the morning, still feeling amazing (although a little tired ).

Good times are coming. I know it.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 21203
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 29, 2007	Views: 4,751
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : General (1), Relationships (44), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)