Citation: OneTimeMyke. "Images - Beautiful and Horrifying: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp21355)". Erowid.org. Sep 21, 2007. erowid.org/exp/21355
This was my first experience with shrooms. I haven't done any drug in the past 8 months and my friend picked up 2 ounces of mushrooms, so I figured I'd try some. I took 2 caps at about 11:00pm. I was with 3 of my best friends (Z, J and P) who ate about an eighth at that time. I felt very happy and began to think about very complicated things. I wanted more, so I ate 2 more stems and finished off a bag full of shroom-shake which was just covered in spores. At around 12:00am I'd look at something and wonder where it was made, then wonder who created it, then who created that person and so on. I was playing with a cigarette during that hour, so I decided to go smoke it before it got any more beat up.
I went outside by myself. Bad mistake. I began walking on the ground and I saw lovely patterns in the grass. I remember saying 'Wow' several times. I opened the door and suggested that my friends join me outside so they can see the patterns too. They didn't want to. I suddenly decided to go for a walk. I approached the fence and said 'The world is nothing' for what reason I don't know. I think it was me coming to the realization that I am just a number in this world. I open the door and go.
I walk down the path and keep hearing things although nothing is there. I'll hear a chain rustle and stop to see if someone was walking their dog. I remember saying 'Do I have to piss?' several times, because I had a strange feeling in my bladder, but could not tell if it was the urge to urinate. I got about 100 yards from the back yard. I suddenly had a horrible feeling. I can't really explain it, but everything I was thinking about would suddenly absolutely HORRIFY me. I sprinted back to the house.
I got inside and said 'I shouldn't have gone outside.' I was breathing very hard and J told me to 'stop freaking out.' I looked at P who was a very experienced shroom user and he sort of nodded at me like 'I know what you're about to go through.' That got me EXTREMELY scared. I layed on the couch and kept tossing and turning trying to rid the bad thoughts from my head. Someone would talk and a word would trigger a horrible thought. If anyone talked, I would tell them not to talk about bad things.
P had to leave, so Z drove him home. I decided to go upstairs and watch Lethal Weapon 3 with J. It's a funny movie, so I figured I would start feeling better. The TV was just a box of horribly moving colors. I couldn't focus on it. I turned around on the couch and tried to go to sleep. I'd see images of beautiful paintings that would react to the music in Lethal Weapon. Then they would turn into a child getting beaten by their parent. I would feel that child's pain. I remember thinking 'Was that me? No, my childhood was good.'
The images got so severe, I thought they were going to last forever. I was seriously considering killing myself to get away from the thoughts. I believe in God, but I didn't for 2 hours. I strongly believed that if I killed myself, it HAD to be better than what I was going through right then. I check my watch. 1:00am. I try to remind myself that sighing deeply brings me back to reality for a few seconds so I can regain my sanity. I forget that notion quickly as the horrific images ensue.
I was literally insane for 4 hours. I had lost my mind. I had no fucking clue what was going on. My body was about 4000 miles away compared to the images that were in my face. J would snore and I would see images of myself taking a sledge hammer to his head so he would stop. I watched myself shoot my friends, stab my friends, cut my friends, etc. over and over. I hated watching it so much. I couldn't get away from it. I remember thinking to myself 'When you see the morning news, it'll have worn off by then.' Then I'd see the faces of the news casters. Then they'd stand up and start yelling at me. Their faces would start drooping and they would rip the skin off of it.
I'd see a beautiful, flowing image that lasted for a few seconds, then it would start turning bland. I'd know then that I was about to see some horrifying images. If you've ever seen being John Malkovich when John Cusack gets trapped in that little girl's head at the end, that's how I felt for about 3 hours. Helpless.
4:00am came around in what felt like 36 hours later. I knew I was starting to feel better and had trouble remembering all the things I was thinking about. What I remember I wrote here. I started to calm down. It's about 12 hours since that experience and I feel a lot better. It's kind of hard to forget about what I was seeing, but it will go in time. I'll hopefully be ok. I think I will be.
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