DOSE:

1 hit

oral

LSD

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

I've got a hit of microdot LSD I got at the Grateful Dead concert on July 16th. Its a pale pastel orange pill about 2mm in diameter and 1mm thick. The dude selling it said it was mescaline, which is obviously wrong.

11:27PM:
I smoke some harmala extract I made.

11:50PM:
I take the hit, and crush up about a gram of harmala seeds and eat them.

12:41AM:
Wow! Man I can't even use words now. This acid is very 'electric' feeling. It's quite potent. Sometimes you trip and words don't have enough 'meaning' to say what you need them to. And your mind is full of so many currents and subcurrents of totally unrelated thought-threads, that, like... well, let's try another approach. On acid, the mind doesn't work like it usually does. In the normal state of mind, consciousness is like a single, generally linear, forwardly moving thought-stream, with the subconscious runnin in the background, hidden from view, until you turn your attention to it and pull it into the foreground of consciousness. It's somewhat analogous to the difference between a character-based computer operating system like DOS or, even more so, a Unix shell (normal consciousness) and a GUI (graphical user interface) like X Windows or Windows (the tripping mind). It becomes possible to multitask, with multiple processes equally sharing the foreground. If you are skillful everything can function as a cohesive single interface. There's a hard to explain but fairly common phenomenon on trips that 'feels' like a calm, rational and kind mental 'observer' - the voice of sanity, in a way. Words meant for Unix shell consciousness don't always seem adequate for X Window consciousness situations. I wonder if this'll still seem logical when I'm not tripping.

The last few years, since high school I guess, I've had a vague feeling of 'loss' at times. That's not the best word. Angst about who I am and where I'm going.

I've got a new job and am about to start school at the local community college again, and I'm meeting new people. I've been feeliong happy and optimistic. I'm sure part of it is a sense of picking up the pieces from living in Florida, but even that is in turn just a part of the broader circle, which I guess is this weird Mother Of All Trips, life. I think angst is just like a clinging to childhood's security. The more you cling to childhood's security, the less secure you feel, making it worse. Then, unless you're unlucky, or stupid, you wake up to the fact, hidden all along in its simple obviousness, that the end of childhood is the other face of the beginning of adulthood.

It's like the old proverb that two people can look at the same glass, and one will see it half full and one half empty. Many things in life can be looked at in either a positive or negative way. Are our demons simply misunderstood saviours? Are our gods merely deceitful devils? No, its all in our collective head. All is a glorious neutral, and it is up to our own interpretations and perceptions to define them good or bad. It's so hard to get over loss of childhood precisely because that's how its defined, rather than 'gaining of adulthood.' It's a cultural flaw that we define the experience as the 'end of innocence' or 'being thrown out into the real world,' rather than defining it as a positive beginning. Life is good - If people would all accept that one simple fact, the world would be great! Life *is* good!!

4:30PM - Follow Up:
Wow!! What a trip! Finally managed to sleep at 8:30AM. The harmala definitely helped the trip!

Exp Year: 1994	ExpID: 2353
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 15, 2000	Views: 16,017
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