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Happy Till This
Mushrooms & Cannabis
Citation:   Kennyd. "Happy Till This: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp25104)". Erowid.org. Dec 4, 2019. erowid.org/exp/25104

  smoked Cannabis (plant material)
I just want to write a quick note to help me and maybe others.

In christmas of 2002, I went to Amsterdam for my girlfriend's birthday with her and her friends. I was dying to see her and looking forward to the crazy times to be had in the 'dam.

Now first let me tell you, before this me and drugs were always the best of friends, plenty of marvelous and wonderous times. I had up to Amsterdam been smoking lots of gange, daily for about a month or two. Now to be precise I had noticed the hash had made me somewhat paranoid and weird things started to happening which involved me doubting my perception and understanding of what was going on around me. However I ignored this and soldiered on not paying too much heed to my negativity.

When I met up with my girl and her friends all was pretty sweet and rosy, but in between this I had noticed that I was acting like a bit of a prick being short and a little nasty with those around me. At the time though as was my way I ignored my negativity.

So it was when we got to the smoking in Amsterdam that's when things went completely hay wire. First I started getting very paranoid thinking everyone was leaving the room cause of me (to this day I'm not sure if this was the truth or me) and I started finding it hard to talk to people not thinking of anything to say, its like as if my brain just stopped working and the usual fun loving person that I was just disappeared. At this point I just plodded along not worrying truly about it, then came the mushrooms.

And it's from this point till today my life has been a nightmare I have yet to wake from, it's now been 7 months.

Everyday from that time it's been like a darkness has existed in the world around me, whereas before I saw the light side and happiness that there is in the world. Now all I see is nothing but pain and suffering. Every person I see I can't help but imagine they're in the hell I'm in. I wonder sometimes like another contributor did, that the world I see is just the way others see it.
It's got to the stage where I thought if there is a God and suicide is a mortal sin and you go to hell for it, well from my perspective it can't get much worse than this.

Get some help one might suggest, well I have, pills, doctors and even a short spell in the hospital. Has it helped, only some. I still feel despair and remorse for that fateful trip.

I just hope someday I'll go back and read this and wonder what the hell was I going on about and how stupid I sounded, I really do hope so.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 25104
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 4, 2019Views: 721
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Mushrooms (39), Cannabis (1) : Not Applicable (38), Post Trip Problems (8), Depression (15), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5)

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