DOSE:

7.0 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

It all started the week I had a mental breakdown from my anxiety and depression. I had a hard time getting to work and finding motivation to do anyting at all. Plus, I had been sleeping all the time and this had been my 7th or eigth major breakdown. So in order to save myself and hopefully get a better perspective on things, I decided I needed to journey into the past to maybe dig up some past events that may have been the catalist to my depressions.

At about 11pm I started with a half an eigth. I felt good, but it just didn't feel like it was enuff so I ate the rest of the eigth. I then went into the bathroom and turned off the lights and climbed into the bathtub, waiting to ride out some of the scarry visions in order to gain insight. I waited an hour, but still wasn't feeling like I had gone where I needed to go, so I ate another half an eigth.

At about 1am I went into my bedroom, sat in bed and saw my entire childhood and all the depression I have suffered from growing up, I remembered all the times I couldn't get out of bed because I wanted to die. I cried, I cried REALLY... fucking...hard. After crying, I felt extremely relieved but still wanted to see where my depression came from growing up as a child, and where it started. I was sick of living the vicious cycle of major depression all my life. I wanted to dig deeper, I wanted a revelation. So I ate the rest.

At about 3am, I sat in bed and ran through the cosmos of hyperspace. I kept hearing what sounded like motercycles raceing around in my head. I was very high, but still wanted to go further. I said out loud to god 'Let me see it!, Let me see where my pain comes from so that I can heal it. Show me the way out of this mind prison'
15 minutes later I had a wave come over me that was so over bareing that I became frightened. I got up out of bed and into my living room where I was going to listen to music to calm me down. I sat in my chair, and FUCKING FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO! And then WHAM! With a swift rush of ultimate terror, god answered 'You ate waaaaaaay too many, your gonna fucking die, baby!'

Out of panic, I woke up my brother saying 'Steven, call 911, I overdosed.'
I then saw a vision of myself in the hospital where my mother had flown all the way from Seattle to Boise to hopefully bring her son back. I kept seeing my mother shaking my body and looking into my eyes that had turn into spirals, crying her eyes out because I was going to die.

My brother woke up and told me I would be ok and that he wasn't going to take me to the hospital. Meanwhile, I continued to rock back and forth in extreme terror. I called a friend who came over at 4am to help bring me back. My brother and friend held me and petted my head asureing me that I would be alright. I continued to shake in fear for 2 more hours, helplessly high, and realizing that I would never be the same again.

I finally calmed down at about 8am and tried to go to sleep but couldn't. I called all my friends to help ground me and talk about old times. That defenitly helped. I realized that my friends are the most important thing in my life. They're what keep me here and together. I called my mother too, and we have since became very close. For about a week I had panic attacks that came from memories of my trip. Even while at home by myself my mind would start to go out there again and feel like I was going to die. I decided to go visit my mother for a week for comfort. It helped, but not fully. I still felt like would slip away at any moment. She was by my side always to ground me. 2 weeks passed by and the panic attacks faded away and I was able to come back home to Boise.

As of now, I still have feelings of being out of my body and always have to find ways of grounding myself for comfort. I strongly hope that other people out there who suffer from major depression looking for answers from psychedelics will read this. Be oh so carefull with dosage. Because if the trip go's left and you have no one around to comfort you, all you can do is sing. Sing Sing Sing! Sing your favorite song over and over. That's the best advise I have to give.

'And I ran, I ran so far away, I just ran, I ran all night and day....I couldn't get away' -flock of seagulls

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 27847
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 1, 2007	Views: 5,234
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Mushrooms (39) : Entities / Beings (37), Guides / Sitters (39), Overdose (29), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Relationships (44), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)