Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Nightcrawler. "Journey into the Oversoul: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp29164)". Erowid.org. Aug 11, 2005. erowid.org/exp/29164
I had decided to take mushrooms for the second time this time upping the dosage considerably to nine dried grams. I had no particular reason or mindset before taking the mushrooms. I think that might have led to the chaos that ensued. Two of my friends, Acid, G and I were to trip together, one on mushrooms too and the other on morning glory seeds. I ate the sacrament and we all sat down to watch the Hobbit. Within ten minutes of getting it all down I played with my dog and had strange sensations like I was floating on a stream or walking, my dog would lick me and I would feel the slobber all over my body. At this point I stood up and everything was in confusion. Warm rushes of ecstasy were flooding my body and all the covers and blankets were merging into one another. The Hobbit was playing parts over again and the time was going backwards on the clock. The dream sequence when Bilbo is hearing the “That’s what Bilbo Baggins says” song especially freaked me out. Everything was overlaid with a green film and sometimes it would change to orange and other colors. My ordinary reality was swept away from me and I was adrift on a sea of uncertainty. I was then hit with a powerful sense of unity. I stood up and walked around saying, 'I don't know why but I love everything. I am everything.' I was seeing everything as one.
Everything was vibrant and moving with an energy of its own. My Alice in Wonderland poster of the caterpillar smoking was actually smoking and I wondered why that was happening in my room. At some point when I stood up my pants came off and I was just in my boxers. I walked into my living room embracing my friends in brotherly love as I realized we were the only people in the universe, because that was all that was here and now. That is another awakening, the importance of now. I touched my friend’s faces and ran my fingers through their hair. It was in a wonder sort of way, I was amazed at the human being. I sat in my living room as the world shook around me, just profoundly shocked at the conclusions reached and it was only and hour of so into the trip. The visual effects had subsided and I was sitting there stoned into next week staring at a recliner. As the next wave of effects began I was enjoying the utter unity of everything in the universe and then somehow my boxers came off and I was naked from the waist down wearing only a shirt. I stumbled into my room and saw monkeys all laying around obsessed with their genitals, not masturbating but interested. These monkeys then changed into my friends and they were all naked too and playing with their genitals. So I just joined in.
Everything was changing constantly; sometimes it looked like we had noses like the Muppet Gonzo, or a big flaccid penis hanging off like a nose. It was very humorous. My room at various times looked like a cave with purple mists swirling about; I think this hallucination came from the Hobbit.
Around this point, my friends started to speak gibberish, everything they said was speeding up and simultaneously slowing down and the tongues they were speaking in were amazing. I had no more contact with reality at all, I couldn’t talk to anyone. Then as I stumbled to my desk thinking about everything being me and having nothing to fear, I realized that if I was everything there was nothing but me. And then I had a kind of thought of endlessly coming out of a virtual reality simulation because that was all life was. A dream trying to amuse myself. Then I realized that I am God as well as all people and all things. It is all a manifestation of me that takes the boredom away. I cannot relate how this feels; it is the “isness” of what exists. It is like looking down into the core of what is really there that I everyday in ordinary waking consciousness see all the time. And boy is it scary, you never know how weird it can get and always is until your mind has been touched by the flesh of the gods.
At one point I went into my room and my couch was gigantic, three or four times the size of me. It towered over me and I was amazed at what was going on. During the whole time since I had begun tripping everything that was happening seemed like a dream, it didn’t seem like I was actually doing the things I was. It no longer mattered if my friends saw me naked, I cared not, and I still don’t care. I realized we are all always naked underneath our clothes and they are something for cover and shelter only. This trip completely changed my view of nudity. During this trip I really saw the beauty of what a human being is. That is one aspect that changed me.
With the sense of total unity and oneness came a feeling of being the only one there is. I felt I was that which underlies all things and that I was the thing that had always been; there never was a beginning for me. I thought of this whole world as a distraction from the timeless cosmic loneliness that I always feel. I realized that I am God. I knew how all the trivial moments in my life had led up to this great space shaking epiphany, that I was the one who does it all. All people are some how the same person, the same one that always is. It is like all people come together into a single picture of the face of God, each person is a pore or feature of that one face that is… Like I loosed on myself the power of consciousness but never realized that I would have to play this endless Maya drama out for ev er. It just makes me feel like I made a horrible mistake so that I will have to do this type of mundane existence never getting to truly what I want forever.
Then I began to be taken over by the feeling of cosmic loneliness. I knew my friends but on their faces was mine and all that came into my head was pictures of my own face. I could no longer remember who I was or who my family was or the name of my town. I was in complete ego loss. I knew one thing and that was me, not the me I always know but the me that has always existed, I call it God but some other words may be used. In a sense, God is fragmented into every single human being and he is enjoying the world through all their senses at once. I then felt as if I was a donkey with a carrot dangled in front of my face forced to forever try and get no closer to the carrot that I can always see and feel but never taste. Slipping into the divinity I realized all the past, present, and future. At this point I could have answered any question but what to ask? I predicted and knew all of my friends actions and was frustrated at this. I asked myself what was the purpose of existence if I knew everything that has happened and was going to happen. I wanted to scream! I felt trapped in my own existence. To be or not to be, what is a question?
For a millennium I traveled through the halls and caves of my own brain. I predicted with one hundred percent accuracy every single thing my friends would do. Each time I congratulated myself and simultaneously kicked myself because I was one step further into this paranoid drama that was existence. I felt like I was shaking a body down to get some answers from it. I felt like I would ask a question and get nothing but gibberish. My friends were in on this great cosmic joke, everyone I had ever met was just a figment of my own imagination, and I created everything here. This went on forever, me questing and trying to get answers as to why I was like this.
At this point I had forgotten that I had taken a psychedelic. I thought that when a person reached a certain age they degraded into this, what was happening before me. Everything fell apart. This experience validated that I was the creator and destroyer that I was the most important, to me anyway. This is when I realized that everyone is the most important in their own mind, that everyone is their own God. It is amazingly scary to adopt all of the characteristics of the jealous Jehovah on yourself. It may seem easy, but it is one of the most terrifying and liberating things one can do during one’s life time. I have never been more scared or happy in my life than when I was up on this dose of mushrooms.
Eventually I came back into my room, which happens a lot during this trip, and sat down on my floor which was covered with blankets and pillows. Acid and G both walked in rather mechanically and stared at me. Acid said something stupid which I forget and then G repeated it and so did I but not of my own free will. Acid, then G, then me, it all repeated over and over and over forever. I was caught in a time loop. I have no idea how I came out of this but my peak was beginning. The thing that my friends and I were repeating eventually turned into an evil sounding music and I was losing contact with my body. The vibrations in the room were turning scary, my friend G was bewildered at the way I was acting and I think that may have led to some discord. To be fair though since I began tripping I had no idea what was going on and whether or not I was in my body. The evil music just kept getting more intense and the feeling in my body were growing stronger and stronger. I felt like I was getting lost in the notes of the music that was screaming out of nowhere. I guess it could be compared to the carrier wave that accompanies trippers to this destination in hyperspace. I couldn’t tell where I ended and the environment I was in began.
I remember looking out from my wall and seeing my dead body with a lady standing over me. At other times I was floating around somewhere I didn’t know. All together this part was the hardest to reconstruct, I remember only flashes of it. As I was losing myself in the music, my body was melting and becoming trapped in between notes. I felt dead like concrete for the longest time, unable to move or even think of what was happening. As the cosmic symphony raged about me and I was becoming trapped it seemed to me that a beautiful lady was playing a gigantic harp in my room. She seemed to be Eris Goddess of Discord orchestrating this horrible music that was so intense I couldn’t move. I was dead. I sat there and died and have no idea what happened during this time. I think it was just too much for my mind to handle and understand. This was my peak. And then I was reborn. My mind felt cleaned out and I had lots of energy after I woke up because I passed out during the most intense part.
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