Citation: Foonatt. "Paranoid and Scrambled Delusions: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp33416)". Erowid.org. Jun 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/33416
I am new to substance experimentation, and I have, by genetics or lack of experience, a very low tolerance level to what substances I have tried, which includes marijuana, alcohol, and shrooms. I have only had fun and memorable experiences with marijuana and alcohol. Moving on to my first mushroom trip:
I obtained what was refered to as 'Gold-Caps' from a trusted and reliable source early in the week, and I was anxiously anticipating the approaching Friday where I planned to consume them. The day finally came, and I was excited as well as nervous, but nevertheless had no doubts about what I was about to do. The plan was this: some friends of mine were going to come over and pick me up while I was shrooming. We would then proceed to drive to a party and have a good night. After reading up and listening to friends advice, I determined that I would need about an hour to begin feeling the effects of these shrooms. Concordantly, I popped the intact shroom(cap and stem) into my mouth and chewed vigorously for about one minute, I then moved the mush all around in my mouth; between my gums and teeth, etc. It wasn't very pleasant, but not unbearable. This was at about 8:00 PM. I then proceeded to get ready to go out. I had taken a shower before downing the shrooms so I brushed my teeth, put some clothes on, and sat down on the bed. I decided to put on some music, because I figured it would be the first thing to notice an alteration in.
At about 8:20, I put on my one trance CD that I hardly listened to, and sat back down. The music sounded good; better than normal, I thought this to be very strange and kind of funny. So I spent a few minutes giggling to myself. By 8:30 I notice this sort of tingling body sensation, like butterflies but it felt nice. I found this amusing, and knew that the trip train was ready to depart. I got up and proceeded to walk out of my room when something caught my eye out the window, a streetlamp outside, I turned to look directly at it and BAM! That thing was WAY brighter than usual! I laughed hysterically at this, I don't know why. I wasn't getting intense visuals, lights just seemed brighter, and I felt REALLY GOOD. I turned off the music and walked upstairs because I felt hungry, and I proceeded to sit down at the kitchen table and eat a green apple. This is when I first experienced time distortion, it was about 8:40 now and I started taking small bites out of this apple, but my mind was totally in another place.
I was thinking about random things, my mind was constantly changing from topic to topic. After a few minutes which seemed a HELL of a lot longer, I realized that I was mindlessly eating this apple, and also realized that my pattern of thought was changing. I definatly was not thinking normally. I noticed that there was this music playing in my head, over and over, I have no idea what kind it was, I didn't need to know. I grew accustomed to it, like a person who lives in the city would to ambient noises. My conciousness was most certainly altered at this time. I looked into the kitchen and it had a very light orange glow to it, not very pleasant to look at, so I slowly moved downstairs to my room again.
At this point I was becoming confused, lost in my own thoughts, which were totally scrambled. I went to my closet to turn out the light, and I found myself standing there for what seemed like the longest time, it was like I was watching a movie inside my brain, forgetting all about what I was doing with my physical body, even though I never lost site of what was in front of me. Once again, after what seemed like an eternity but was only about 5 minutes, I found myself lying face down in the middle of my closet entrance, my thoughts moving a mile a minute. I never blacked out or anything, I just felt like lying down I suppose. Thankfully, for a moment I grasped reality and realized I was lying on the floor for no reason. This is where things took a turn for the worse.
It was almost 9 o'clock, and I sat up and started thinking things like: 'Why the fuck am I lying on the floor? What is happening to me. There’s NO WAY I walked into my room 5 minutes ago. My clock must be wrong. Where are my friends. WHY DO I HEAR MUSIC.’ I felt very disattached from the world, like a lost little boy. I suddenly started to feel very uncomfortable, so I stripped down to my boxers, and considered getting naked, but knew that would freak my friends out, whenever they arrived. I remember feeling like I couldn't move, even though I was able to. I then proceeded to sit down on my bed, thinking about *too* much. My thoughts can only be described like this: two beings, the sane and the INSANE. Both which were running at the same time, interrupting each other, arguing with each other, it all blended together. Paranoia, anxiety, hope, happiness, good, and evil.
Here’s an example: 'I want my phone to ring! Is it ringing? NO ITS THAT MUSIC AGAIN! Oh yeah, I've been hearing it all along. Oh yeah, my phone. I want it to ring so my friends can come get me, but not GET me, just pick me up in the car so we can, HEY ITS RINGING! NO! ITS THAT MUSIC! Where are they? They need to be here. I am really hot, I don't remember getting under my covers, JESUS ITS BEEN FOREVER. No it hasn't! Its been 2 minutes! I feel soaked in sweat. WHY THE FUCK IS TIME MOVING SO SLOW. My walls seem really far away. Since when is my room green anyway. I don’t like this, I want it to stop. Especially before my Dad gets home, he'll know I'm on something. Whew! Its hot! Yeah, he'll know, but maybe god wants me to know, know this feeling, he sent me here, he created me to understand these feelings, to tell the world about them! I should tell the world! BUT I CAN'T MOVE, WHY CANT I MOVE!? HEY! Was that a knock at my door? I couldn’t really tell because the music is so loud. Oh wait, that was my elbow hitting the wall, I think. How long has it been? 1 minute?!??! JESUS!'
It doesn't get much more weirder and random than that, but that was a minute of thought inside my mind as I sat there tripping. Moving on. It was finally 9 o’clock, and I was in the corner of my room thinking about all of this crazy shit, and linking it with people I knew or had met in the past. I remember thinking alot about this woman from work, who has experience doing drugs like these. She told me stories. Anywho, she was kind of like a guardian angel through one period of my trip. I thought about my girlfriend alot. I had just recently cheated on her with a 21 year old (I am only 17). I started thinking that perhaps god put this substance in my body as punishment, to help make me feel guilty. I am not religious at all.
A few minutes later my phone rang, for some reason it sounded nothing like my normal ringer, so I thought it was the music in my head again, I dove across the room and flipped open the celly. I don't quite remember the convo, but as my friend later described it I talked alot about I could give him my thoughts If I just had a mountain dew (my fav drink), as well as some other random stuff. He eventually hung up on me and I didn’t notice right away, I kept talking to myself on the phone. Kind of like my brain was on the recieving end and we now had some kind of physical connection. I finally figured out that no one was there and that scared me even more.
My friends came over. *knock* *knock*. I am suddenly snapped out of the altered dimension I was in by the banging noise. 'What is that! Must be my Dad. Why would he knock though? Probably to get me out of my room so he can catch me in the act of tripping! Its the perfect plan. Sneaky bastard! Right under the light so he can see my huge pupils! He's too smart! But I'm his son. I know what he is thinking! I'm not going to answer even though he keeps knocking more and more loudly. What the hell is his problem, Its starting to scare me.' Things took a turn for the worse from there. I wish I had answered the door, my friends could have altered my state of mind for the better.
I find myself lying on the bed, thinking more and more irrationally, about every aspect of my existense. I won't go into those details, because they are too random and took up the duration of the trip. I never thought about my friends after that. For the whole night, I was too fucked up to care. I lay in my bed, with the TV on, I specifically remember the Sharon Osbourne show being on, she terrified me. My phone rang a bunch of times. I had about 12 missed calls by morning. Some were from my friends from that evening, my girlfriend, friends who didn't approve of drugs, etc. I'm glad I didn't answer. It would have made me all the more paranoid.
The rest of the trip can only be described as a haze. With each passing minute seeming like an eternity, psychotic thoughts running through my brain, sanity would come in periodically and flick the light on so I could tell myself it would all be over, and NOT TO DO THAT (ex: run out of my room to tell the whole world why shrooms are bad, or admit to my Dad that I was on shrooms and to take me to the hospital). By 2 AM the sweat started to cool, and I realized I was coming down, however still terrified, but knowing that was a great comfort to me. I eventually drifted into sleep, which lasted 4 hours. I woke up feeling depressed and slightly fatigued, probably from my blood racing so fast all night. I was completely rational however.
All in all, the trip sucked. It was my first psychadelic experience and I haven't done any since. I'm pretty sure that if I just have the right mindset I can have a successful one in the future as long as I'm not alone.
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