Citation: Nathan. "I Felt God Talking Directly To Me: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp36529)". Erowid.org. Jul 26, 2005. erowid.org/exp/36529
The most spiritual experience of my life.
Mood: At peace
Listening to: Bjork - Medulla
Reading: The Doors of Perception - Aldous Huxley
Watching: Donnie Darko
[This is a cut and paste of the journal I wrote for a website, it is really a small sample of some of the things I experienced.]
First off, let me say that this exploration isn't for everyone and I'm more than happy to let people find God in what ever way the feel works for them. For me this was something I didn't expect but it was such a revelation to me that I want to write it down before I forget. I'm not going to go into huge detail for there are some things that were meant for me personally.
A few close friends and myself went away to Sombrio beach this Thursday/Friday with the intent on taking magic mushrooms and seeing what would come of the experience.
Having smoked pot for a long time I felt I was somewhat prepared for what kind of effects I might be experiencing, I'd also read quite a bit about other people's experiences on the internet, but nothing could prepare me for what I truly experienced.
First let me describe Sombrio beach, it's not a hugely sandy beach though there is sand in places. It's on the west coast of Vancouver Island (B.C., Canada) and it's rather rugged terrain, but there are small waterfalls and many jagged rock faces, many people go up there to surf, and in the winter the waves are especially excellent for surfing.
Knowing that a small amount of alcohol is great for nerves and confidence I took two beers before eating the mushrooms. My friends and I were sitting in a very comfortable spot under the shade of a large fir branch when we ate them, some say the taste awful, to me they just tasted like cardboard and I had no need to flavour my mouth with chocolate or any other substance so that I could ignore the taste.
After I ate them I chatted with my friends a little with no effects, apparently they take about forty-five minutes or so to kick in (similar to eating pot cookies).
I come from a very conservative Christian background and though I have discarded many of the beliefs and lifestyles of that religion there are a few aspects of it that I hold dear to me, I prayed to God and asked him for a good trip, I felt good asking this, for after all, God did create these mushrooms. (I've never, and never will take anything that is unnatural LSD, E and so on.)
After about twenty minutes, knowing that they often cause nausea I smoked a toke of pot too null that effect, and that's when it started coming on. I knew immediately that it wasn't the pot effect as it was a very different feeling, it was a very euphoric feeling and I was excited about what was going to happen.
My brother and friend David were the first to leave our little rest area and go out to the water, the tide was coming and some of the waves were really strong, both of them walked a little into the waves and just felt the water.
I then went out to be nearer the ocean, and that's when it really started to come on strong, I remember giggling happily for awhile as it really hit. My girlfriend came out with me and we lay down on the rocks, they felt incredible, I could feel every rock where it was touching my body and it felt so good. I remember looking at the rocks and finding them so amazingly interesting, and each one was incredibly special, like us, like people.
When I'd read and heard about people's mushroom experiences people often talked about seeing geometric shapes and so on, I used to think that this meant that suddenly I'd be seeing bizarre patterns in the sky and so on, or just colourful things appearing front of my eyes like an oscilloscope or Winamp plug-in or something, but it wasn't like that at all. Instead the patterns and shapes I saw were ones that are there all the time it's just that we filter it out, otherwise we'd be noticing these patterns ALL the time and we'd never get anything finished, it was very similar to what Aldous Huxley describes in his trip on mescaline, when he is talking about the fabric he is wearing and that depicted in paintings.
I felt the need to take my shirt off and nearly took all my clothes off but after removing my shirt realized that my shirt was the only thing needing removal, my girlfriend also took off her top and pressed her breasts into the rocks to feel them (it's a very secluded beach). It was very nice because a father and son a little ways away were enjoying the day completely in the nude.
I walked to the water and waded in, though it was extremely cold, I didn't really feel it. after enjoying the sparkle of the waves on the stones as they drew away from the beach, I moved up to the dry areas of the beach.
My girlfriend and I lay on the rocks together as did my brother and David a little ways away, we were all extremely fascinated with the natural textures and shapes of the rocks. I realized that this was what it was like to be dead, where everything is more real than usual, and that it was such a higher plane of existence where the nature of things is revealed, it felt amazing. Basically it felt what I thought heaven must be like.
I took my girlfriend a little farther up the beach and we sat among some long grass, it was very comfortable. I started talking and as I looked at her my mind's eye was looking at her spirit, though I didn't see it physically I knew what it looked like. We talked at length about the things I was learning, and revelations about myself and the nature of the universe were coming incredibly fast.
I felt God talking directly to me, showing me lessons from my life, and how absolutely everything, even seemingly random events are completely not random at all, I saw a plan to everything, and even felt I could see future events (I've had events in the past where I've had dreams that have precisely predicted the future). I could see Causality, I could see the reasons for everything, why I was the way I was and why people were they way they were and I realized that I no longer had to judge them. I thought about the teachings of Christ (they being the religious teachings I am most familiar with) and I felt that finally I totally understood them. I understood the need for religion, and also the need for art. I understood the need for experience and that people need to go through bad things often, including death in order to recognize the higher purpose. It was amazing.
I felt God talk to me and tell me that my life purpose, at least at this point in my life was to create art, and to show a little piece of God, I knew that one aspect of God is creativity and when we create now matter how 'crappy' the art may be by public standards, it is still an attempt to reach the place where I was and to touch God. I know I am using the male pronoun for God, but I didn't feel that God was male, it's just easier for me to relate that way because I am a man and because of my upbringing, but I don't feel God is male or female separately, but I'm sure he is both among countless other things.
I saw the beauty in every piece of creation, from the smallest to the largest. I left my girlfriend for a bit and lay by myself for a little while on the beach, I closed my eyes, and surely could see geometric shapes, I could see the order in the random chaos of everything, and it was amazingly beautiful, if I'd had my camera, I would have taken a photo of absolutely everything I could have, but I also knew that I'd left my camera at home for a reason.
I started realizing that certain stones were in my hand and that each one was a representation of people that I loved, I kept them and now have them in a box on top of my computer desk. They are a reminder, I realized that art (and by art I mean anything that is creative, music, painting, building everything, even darker art) is an attempt to have a reminder of what it is like to be in the spirit place that I was, even though people don't realize it, that's what they are doing, making memories of the place they were before this life.
This was an incredible revelation to me because I never believed before that people existed before their life on earth. But now I realize that our spirits, while not eternally past, are created eternal. I know also that there are levels beyond death that we will, when ready be able to experience ever higher levels of existence and that there are an infinite amount of amazing places in the universe.
I listened to a little bit of music and was overwhelmed by the beauty of it, I turned and looked at the trees for awhile and saw them breathe, then I saw the rocks holding their breath in unison, as if the roots of the trees were in total harmony with the earth that grounded them. I thought it must be an amazing existence to live as a tree for five hundred years watching the cycle of sunset and sunrise, watching the sea roll in and out.
I started coming down a little bit then (it had been about four and a half hours) and it was hard, it was hard letting my spirit come back to my body, hard to feel the needs of my body again, plus I felt mildly nauseous, though I didn't recognize the feeling at first, it was a little scary so I went back and rejoined my girlfriend. I started picking up stones completely automatically, with absolutely no conscious thought about what stones I was choosing or what way I was placing them, I was placing them seemingly at random, at a certain point I stopped and my girlfriend was first to point out that I had just created a mandala, I looked down and realized that I had created a stone circle in line with the sun, and I didn't even realize it, I'd told her as I was creating it that I was doing it automatically, that I'd felt a need to pick up these stones but wasn't sure why exactly, just that it felt good and that I knew there was a purpose to it. It was very shocking to look down and see the mandala that I had made seemingly at random, later that day one of my Chinese meditation balls fell out of my hand and landed right in a perfect place in the mandala with the sun image on the ball face exactly up, I'd recently purchased these in Vancouver and remember thinking a long time about which ones to purchase.
Sorry, I realize this journal is getting extremely long. From there the trip was slowly diminishing, everyone started coming back from their explorations, and we all sat and talked a little about our experiences, all were amazing. My one unfortunate friend had a rather bad experience, he wasn't quite able to handle the sensory overload, but in the end he rolled with it and though he said it was uncomfortable he knew it would be over. I'd told him by the time that the sun had reached a certain point he would be fine and it was true and I'm glad he was able to take comfort in that. I went back to enjoying the patterns in things I could see everywhere until the effects finally wore off. There were some residual effects until the morning, and the next day my body was very exhausted (I'm still somewhat tired today [Saturday])
I remember being mildly afraid of bears before I took the mushrooms (I've had a bear come out on me at dinner at a beach not far from where we were). When I was on the mushrooms however I had absolutely no fear of a bear, I realized that if one came to check out our food that it simply would follow it's nature and then return, and that we would simply give it it's space and no harm would come of it, it was amazing, and probably the first time in my life where I truly felt no fear. Also one of the few times in my life where I knew God was talking to me and it was amazing, I felt such love that day and had tears in my eyes many times when certain realizations hit me.
That's about as much as I feel comfortable to share, needless to say it was an amazing and incredibly spiritual experience, but everyone's is different, and you may not have the good feeling I did. But if you believe in God, I would certainly ask for guidance before undertaking any such journey.
Will be awhile before I take them again, I have so much to do to implement the things I learned.
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