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Lost in a Moment, Lost in a Loop
Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis
by Censuredself
Citation:   Censuredself. "Lost in a Moment, Lost in a Loop: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis (exp40862)". May 30, 2007.

T+ 0:00
1 cig. smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  T+ 2:00 2.0 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis (dried)
  T+ 4:00 1 cig. smoked Cannabis (plant material)


Two of my closest friends (C & D), as well as several people I knew were planning on ingesting some mushrooms that evening, but we were unsure of the availability. I had not eaten all day, as the nervousness prohibited any appetite. This was to be my first mushroom trip ever, save for a very mild tea someone once made me--it had no real effect at all. I arrived at my friend's basement apartment, which is near a park and a baseball field. This later proved very entertaining and I would recommend any outdoor tripping. When I arrived the details were still sketchy. We had called and they had not called back. We were purchasing a sizeable dose as several people were planning to trip, so it should not have been a problem. It was. I had packed a joint that I planned on smoking, so we entered a small crawlspace under his stairs and smoked it while we waited for the call. We eventually received the call at 12:00am, about two hours after I had thought I might already be tripping. We had to make a choice, and we took it since the next day was a holiday. This played a large role in the experience.

My best friend (D) and I drove to a local restaurant and purchased some pitas, intending to place the mushrooms within. We drove back only to be greeted by a large bag of seriously dark brown mushrooms. The caps were about the size of a dime and semi-spherical with small, thin stems. Someone remarked that they has never come into contact with mushrooms that looked like this. We slugged it off and chowed down as we were very hungry from the dope. The effects of the marijuana were dwindling, and I was becoming more awake. At 12:30am 2 grams of mushrooms were in my stomach and there was not a thing I could do about it. The nervousness had worn off, so I asked about the dope situation. They remarked that they could roll a roach joint, so while somebody busied themselves with that, I walked around inside to kill boredom. I could feel the effects coming on within 15 minutes.

12:45am | I feel a bit light and slightly odd. I had previously washed down my pita with some water and was now looking for my glass of water because I couldn't remember where I put it. I finally found a glass that was obviously mine, but I couldn't recognize it at the time since I had forgotten that I'd drank it all. I was highly apprehensive about using someone else's glass. I kept asking my friend where it was, but he just sat back and chuckled at my idiocy. I was indeed a bit stupid. My mind couldn't think clearly and I found myself periodically zoning while staring at simple things like bookshelves, the hard-wood floor, the ceiling. In general, a feeling of freshly being awoken overtook me for a small period of time. It then subsided and I mellowed out a bit, walking outside for a cigarette.

1:00am - 1:15am | I am outside, sitting on top of a railing with the biggest grin on my face. Whenever someone looks at me I grin back as they grin at me. We are all feeling it, though some less than others. We are chatty and sociable with each other as I feel an intense wave of anxiety rush over me. It shuts me up for a good five minutes and I stare at people as they talk. I feel like I have to move and my buddy C jumps down the stairs, heading to the park. I ask him to throw me a smoke and we're off walking down the street and over to some swings in the park. This is where the mushrooms grabbed me, for better or for ill.

1:30am | My friends are interested in the swings and equipment, but I am interested in the treeline. I stare utterly transfixed at the trees that circle the ballpark, and begin to walk down a small hill leading to it. The way the park and the town is set up is upon a hill. This city is built in a valley, so the lights from the city illuminated the trees from behind, as well as the surrounding foliage. My friends became disinterested in the swings and came to join me, wondering why I wasn't with them. I couldn't speak, I just pointed at the trees. We were standing at about home plate and I watched the trees sway brilliantly over us humans. We were so small. The colours from the light projected them as huge, black creatures that loomed. The tops of the trees blended together in a spectacular display of colours.

We decided to take a walk around the baseball diamond, and began to walk to one side of the fence in order to begin. We suddenly stepped onto the grass, not expecting the sudden crisp-ness. The crunching beneath our feet was incredibly odd at the time, seeming far out of place. The shadows the trees cast onto the ground seemed like snakes--black and long while always moving. We rushed to the fence and felt a wave of relief as we got there. I began to notice that any distance that was traveled was then suitably seen as an accomplishment to us. A feeling of going on a great adventure. My friends began the trek around the diamond, but I climbed over the fence and approached the ridge of a small drop-off that led to some backyards. The porchlights shone through the shrubs as they swayed in the light wind. My friends called but D told them to just let me be. I am glad he did.

As another wave caught me I began to hyperventilate at the beauty of it all. I breathed rapidly and hard as the oneness I felt with nature took over. The ferns appeared to have small skull heads on them, all quietly lunging for me in the breeze but never catching me. My eyes teared up and I stood there for about a half hour, mesmerized by this sight. When the wave subsided I climbed over the fence and rushed to tell my friends what I had experienced. By the time I greeted them, the thought was just a memory.

2:00am | I am still on the rise and cannot distinguish waves anymore. It all blends together in some sort of magically intense rush that doesn't end. I feel like I'm 20 lbs. I can jump so high. We are at the edge of a small pathway that leads into the woods. Normally I am easily spooked, but I feel very calm. I look into the path, deciding that it looks inviting. I walk forward a bit, touching the 'blackness' that is all-consuming inside this pitch-dark passage. It all seems to veer towards one central focal point and I follow it. At this point I can only stumble around in the darkness, though I seem not to be leaving the path no matter where I go. I light a cigarette and tread along the pathway upwards. The entire time I am unafraid, which is entirely not like me. I can only speculate where the path actually went, since I have not revisited the location since. It appeared to end up in some people's yards, and since I did not want to talk to any authority figure at all, I veered right.

This is where the trip began to spook me. The first inklings of danger I felt was the direction of the path, which seemed to SPIRAL downwards into infinity. I decided that was a path best left uncharted, and turned around and listened. Nothing. I couldn't hear my comrades. Where had they gone? I heard a distant shout and plodded along the path, eventually discovering that they had walked entirely back to the field and were hanging out near the backstop. We decided to smoke the pitiful roach joint and I stood there, contemplating my experience thus far. I could form thoughts in my mind that were lost moments later. We decided to chill out on the hill that overlooked the backstop of the ballfield. I stared into the night sky while the others frolicked in the woods. Myself, D and our friend B were laying down, talking as we peaked on this incredible drug.

2:30am-3:00am | I am laying on the hill with two close friends and we are calmly stating that if a bomb were to be dropped then we would be perfectly content with that. I scream for the gods of society to drop the bomb, but nothing happens. We are peaking and I am looking upwards from inside my hooded jacket. I can no longer feel my extremities since they do not matter. I'm not going anywhere but into the sky. My eyes glaze over with tears and I begin to hyperventilate again at the sheer beauty of the night sky. The stars blended and separated at will, and it seems like the clouds parted just for us to view this sight.

People talk to me but I cannot hear them at all. I am lost in the moment, which may only have been five minutes. It doesn't matter at the time, because I am in heaven. Mushrooms are everything I wanted them to be at this point. I get up and feel a bit disoriented as I only begin the long come down. We chat about nothing and decide that since it is nearing 3:30am, and since several people that are zooming have been making a racket in a park late at night, going inside would be a good idea. In hindsight, it was the worst idea ever.

3:30-4:00am | I run back first, still very much feeling the effects. At this point I am alternating between being sad that I have no higher plateau to look forward to and feeling an odd sense of sobriety when the waves ebb off as I await another. I remember consistently telling myself 'You'll get higher again', and then I did. But not as high as I wanted. Similarly I also found myself saying 'It isn't over' right before I entered the apartment again. Before we entered I said (very ominously) to everyone that 'it's time to go insiiide...' and I literally felt as though I was in the dark, shining a flashlight upwards over my face. It scared me a bit so I followed them inside.

I walked around touching the walls, very confused. I walked into a room and stared at a blue computer screen for a few minutes. Everything seemed very 'late' and uninviting. People broke off into groups of conversation, leaving me alone. I decided to collect myself and found D who was pretty out of it as well. He didn't know what to say and this confused me. I stared at one of the girls who had a laser pointer in her hand. She was laying on the couch, flicking it on and off very fast. This disturbed me again. I realized that I had to get out of the room. I got up and left, wandering into the main room. It was deserted. I decided to get onto the couch and maybe sleep it off a bit, since I felt tired but I couldn't get comfortable.

The room started to spin a tad so I got up. I entered C's room since D and B were in there as well. They had a magazine cut up and displayed upon the ground, page by page, and were creating some sort of chronological story about something. I tried to express that I was starting to freak out a bit and asked them to try to calm me down. D was laying down and suddenly got up, declaring that 'You guys are only making him more confused. I mean, sheesh. I mean. Well. What?' and then he would lay down again, then bend back up. C stared at me and complained that 'You don't understand, don't you get it? They're pineapples for YOU!' at this point I left the room, feeling as though I was certainly going to puke.

While bent over the toilet I did not puke, but rather came to the conclusion that it didn't matter who I talked to or what I said, nobody was going to be on the same level as me. Nobody is thinking the same thing. We are all disorganized and we are all at the mercy of this drug. I then began to freak out and entered C's room again, only to find it dark. I collapsed onto the bed, covering myself with blankets and entering the personal hell that would be the next four hours.

4:00am-8:00am | I was far from baseline still, and wrapped in blankets in a dark room. In hindsight this was the worst possible thing I could have done, but at the time I couldn't face anyone since everyone seemed to be in a foreign mindstate. If we had stayed outside I doubt any of thos would have happened, but I felt pinned down. So many thoughts raced through my head during these four hours. My mind became caught in loops that I could not control as my subconscious played tricks on me. Songs that were in my head that day made an appearance again, but the chorus was repeated over and over and over until it lost all meaning. I remember wanting the waves to stop so badly. I had had enough, far enough for this night. It wouldn't end though.

Several times I looked at a guitar propped up against a computer screen. It seemed to bend against the wall and become a bridge to a form of cold technology. Everything was cold. I shivered uncontrollably. Thoughts looped over and over as I wished the mushrooms would let me go, but they were teaching me the errors of my ways. I think I experienced a mild ego-loss, though not as dramatic as I've been told of. I felt separated from myself, and each time I glanced at the clock the minutes peeled away far too slowly. It literally felt like eight hours in the room. C came in, apparently to have sex with his gal, and I screamed at him to leave. I couldn't handle it. It was the same intense feeling of pleasure, only equal to the other side of the coin inside my mind. The waves finally began to subside and I slipped into a dull half-sleep that lasted until 10:00am.

After | I realize now that it wasn't that I took too much, it was that I was naive and unprepared. In some ways this was alright, but I was not prepared for the come down. I did not really know half the people, we went to unfamiliar places and everyone ended up sketching me out. I went through a period of time afterwards where I wouldn't touch mushrooms again, but I did eventually as any avid psychonaut will. I have done them a number of times since, in differing doses and with differing combinations.

It is important to have something on-hand that can distract your attention if only for the fact that once you get something in your head it is difficult to get out unless you forget about it. A picture-book, some music, even a television. It helps. Also tripping alone works well for me. Since I know I can handle it alone I do not get freaked out when nobody is on the same page as me. I just go with the flow and laugh it off.

I have not equaled that dose since, though I'm sure I will in the future. Simply becoming accustomed to the feeling is a lot to handle in the beginning, and I have learned that I am highly sensitive to the drug. Now I test all mushrooms I get with a low dose on a day where nothing is planned so that I can make an estimate of how much it will effect me.

It was truly an eye-opening experience and opened doors that cannot be shut. Interpret that however you want.


Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 40862
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 30, 2007Views: 5,667
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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