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Mixed Feelings
Mushrooms - P. mexicana (fresh)
by Mosh
Citation:   Mosh. "Mixed Feelings: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. mexicana (fresh) (exp43304)". Erowid.org. Jun 19, 2018. erowid.org/exp/43304

 
DOSE:
15 g oral Mushrooms - P. mexicana (fresh)

BODY WEIGHT: 60 kg


This is the report of the first time I ever used Mushrooms, or even any sort of psychoactive drug. I am 20 years old and an experienced smoker of marihuana (which is THANK GOD still real easy to get in Holland). I had a couple of intense experiences with eating hash (in an omelet and cake) which made me quite paranoid, and I tripped all the way home on my music, while the music was forming visual patterns. So, I thought that, since Paddo's are legal here in Holland, it couldn't be much more intense than the huge dose of hash I ate (about 3 grams). But I was wrong.

We started off with 5 friends, in the living room of one of them. K. Was the sitter so he just rolled a joint. It was about 4 a'clock when we consumed the shrooms, the taste was not real nice, but okay.

Right after that we decided to head to the nearby river. We didn't feel anything actually, just a bit giggly (hey, my first time, I didn't know that was part of the trip ;)). Only one of the dudes was totally freaking out on the clouds and such. So, we just sat there by the river, checking out some rocks, laughing about everything. And slowly it kicked in, and it was a heavenly feeling. Watching all the trees waving at me, the river greeting me, and I could see lines of energy flowing through the skies. I just felt perfect, and I thought this would be about it, since I didn't really take a large dose, and I didn't suspect anything much heavier than an intense hash-trip-thingy.
I didn't really take a large dose, and I didn't suspect anything much heavier than an intense hash-trip-thingy.


I think we sat there for about 2 hours (not bored for one second) and then we slowly walked home, enjoying the world we we're blessed to live in. We arrived back home, and a small detail is that the living room was decorated 'gothic-style'. So lot's of dark, purple and skeletons and stuff. Normally I find it pretty stylish but now I found it a bit eerie.

Then the trip really kicked in, with ashtrays growing and shrinking, music going right through me (I could physically feel the music on my eardrums). It might not seem very spectacular to you guys, but it was more intense then I ever imagined.

But then, the scary stuff started. To illustrate I have to tell that I have had several nosebleed after drinking a lot (like, REALLY REALLY a lot) or smoking lots of weed. I got nosebleeds during the night then. It kinda scared me a bit, but I didn't really pay attention to it. So, back to my trip. During my experience I couldn't feel what I physically felt. I couldn't check if I was hungry, and I kept wiping my nose because I just couldn't feel if there was actually snot dripping out of it, or if I was just imagining. Then I went to the bathroom, to finally deal with this annoying snot that was teasing me all the time. I blew my nose in some toiletpaper, but then the fear completely hit me.

I looked in the toiletpaper and saw that my nose was bleeding, and it still was. And before that point in my trip I forgot about my nosebleeds in the past. But now it all came back to me. I totally freaked out and stumbled into the living room and begged: 'please come outside with me, I'm freaking out'.

So then my vision started to fade out, it turned into a million gray dots, but through the dots I could kinda see the surroundings, but it was vibrating heavily. And I couldn't really here anything because all I heard was this extremely loud PEEP in my ears, but I could still hear voices, but they we're so far away. I really felt like I was passing out, and I try to fight it as hard as possible. I stood in the hallway trying to find the door to the outside, and I just stood there looking at my feet saying: 'yep, I'm totally out of it'... Repeating it several times. But trying to stay cool to my friends, my brain was screaming: 'Yes, you are now going to die, you did it to yourself.' I was terrified.

When I finally came outside my vision began to return and the colour-changing I experienced the whole day were going on overdrive! But it was beautiful, I was so relieved I didn't pass out or die. I just felt completely happy. But I had the greatest fear to go back inside we're the smoke is. I felt something like: 'yes, this is good. This is we're I'm supposed to be, outside with you lovely trees and blossom. I don't need to go inside where that devil-smoke is that pushes on your chest and wants to kill you'.

So I just sat there on my own, on the street, watching the beautiful nature. At that point I was perfectly sure that, if I was suppose to die from mushrooms, during this trip, someone would make that clear to me. So I wasn't really worried.

When I tried to go back inside, I immediately turned really scared and I felt the dark room and the smoke pressing heavily on my chest. So I went outside again, but now my nosebleed-paranoia returned and I think I checked my nose about a 100 times.

The effect was beginning to wear of, and I could have normal conversations with my friends again. Still wouldn't dare to go inside though. So I just sat there.

I think we went to the lunchroom at 8 o'clock or so, and my fries were AWFUL. I had a coke with them, so I took a sip, and the rest of my fries just tasted like cola.

When it was all over I still felt happy in a way, but also a bit dissapointed in life. We just sat there in the bar, but I just didn't want to smoke, and why would I drink beer? It's so useless. I think I felt like that for about a week
why would I drink beer? It's so useless. I think I felt like that for about a week
.

So, my experience was in a way a perfect experience which made me come closer to nature, and respect the world around me, but was also terrifying, when I thought I would really die now.

The long term effects are minimal, but I do notice that I think about life a lot more, I'm a lot more paranoid about nosebleeds, and check it a lot, and I stare at the clouds a lot, because I just KNOW it's there. The vibration and the energy in the skies.

So, it might not seem as much of a trip, but for me it was quite something ;). But I must stress, that it was absolutely neccesary that I be in complete harmony with myself and that I be not scared of something that might happen. Also being in the vicinity of sober friends, because IF something serious happened, I wouldn't want to be alone.

I'd really like to know what might have caused a nosebleed during a trip (with shrooms, or anything else).

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 43304
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 20 
Published: Jun 19, 2018Views: 1,007
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Mushrooms - P. mexicana (193) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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