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A Night of Mushrooms, a Year of Anxiety
Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & Paroxetine
by bum
Citation:   bum. "A Night of Mushrooms, a Year of Anxiety: An Experience with Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & Paroxetine (exp44281)". Erowid.org. Aug 15, 2006. erowid.org/exp/44281

 
DOSE:
  oral Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (ground / crushed)
  25 mg oral Pharms - Paroxetine (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


A few years back I had an intense desire to trip on psychedelics. I was unaware of what the experience would actually be like and jumped into it with the idea I could manage a bad trip easy. The trip shook my foundations and resulted in a terrifying trip. After the trip, I had the same feeling from that night over and over again almost as intensely. I sought help and found a cure. My tale is below.

In early April of 2002 one night, I was with a friend and his girlfriend when I pulled out ten grams of dry Panaeolus (Copelandia) cyanescens mushrooms, packed with psilocybin. After a few bowls of premium bud, I was beyond common sense. I was in a bad environment. My friend and his girlfriend fighting, and later on in the evening I would have to see someone who I had to hide the fact I was tripping from (as well as smoking, which made it worse considering my room smelled like skunk smoke). So I read somewhere that a grinded tablespoon of mushrooms was equal to about .8 gram... and with my stoned logic, I began to smash mushrooms into a measuring spoon! I was only aiming for a gram but I didn't care much. Looking back, it was about a Level 3.5 on Shroomery's trip scale which means it was around two grams.

So, about an hour later, there is ripped newspaper all over the floor and I'm in the corner of the room rocking back and forth muttering, 'I feel like a raving lunatic'. I was completely inside of my head and I felt that anything I said would not be understood. My friend and his girlfriend were fighting and I felt like I was in Days of Our Lives... I couldn't watch Real World for a while after that trip. I couldn't handle the drama. Eventually I crawled into my bed and tried to go to sleep... no chance. I stayed awake in the dark room, in silence, watching the whirlpools all over my vision blending colors. Silence. Insanity. Never ending. I was so convinced it would never end and I would change forever. I had read that psychedelics can change people so I started freaking. I KNEW I was going to be wallowing in despair for the rest of my life insane. The only things running through my head were anxieties about friends and family, about my life. Am I a prick to my friends? Do they talk about me? I don't appreciate my parents at all. I don't care about anyone. Am I going to be insane the rest of my life? I was so scared I wanted to end my life. I still had a small grip on reality, though. The trip slowly began to end and I got up and sat on my bed. I looked out my window and cried with the beauty and relief.

So that's my trip... now let me tell you what happened after it.

A few days after the trip I woke to a strange anxious feeling. Identical to the trip. It was not a flashback... I had two of those, both waking up in the middle of the night to them. It was just a strong feeling of anxiety about something but nothing specific. It continued the whole day. I didn't feel like myself... many normal anxieties were blown completely out of proportion. I attributed to the mushrooms causing my chemicals to be thrown off. I figured my brain would balance itself out soon. One night, laying in bed, I was thinking of a hypothetical situation where if someone had control of your eyes, you wouldn't be able to close them, and it made me very scared to think about not being able to close my eyes. Irrational anxieties were always around. No matter how much rationalization or how long I searched for the root of my anxiety, I could not find it.

This is where the story gets better.

I was watching TV one day and saw a commercial for Paxil where a few people were talking about what Generalized Anxiety Disorder made them feel like. Church bells began to play in my head. I self-diagnosed GAD due to a chemical imbalance from the mushrooms. The psychiatrist agreed and gave me Paxil CR 25mg once a day (I took them at night because they made me yawn). Since the first day I took Paxil I haven't had an anxiety attack since. I know it seems like bullshit because SSRI's take a week or so to build up but what can I say? About halfway through the second or third bottle I quit cold turkey. I had flu like symptoms and breakthrough anxiety. I went back on them and a few bottles later, in the beginning of November 2003 I quit again cold turkey. No anxiety attacks and no withdrawal. Dun dun dun!

So that's it. I had a horrible trip that gave me anxiety attacks similar to my trip for seven months before I sought help. I began taking Paxil, stopped it, and as I type I'm pharmaceutical and anxiety free.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 44281
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 15, 2006Views: 26,342
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Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (185) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Bad Trips (6)

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