Spiral Erowid Zip Hoodie
This black mid-weight zip hoodie (80/20) has front pockets,
an Erowid logo on front chest, and a spiral design on back.
Donate and receive yours!
Contemplating Suicide
Mushrooms
by Josh
Citation:   Josh. "Contemplating Suicide: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp47995)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/47995

 
DOSE:
3.5 g oral Mushrooms  
  1.0 g smoked Cannabis (plant material)
BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb
I would consider myself to be an experienced drug user. Over the past 2 years I have tried many drugs including, cannabis, , ecstasy, cocaine, pain killers(hydrocodone, oxycontin, etc...), salvia, hashish, nitrous, alcohol, and for my first time now mushrooms. I was highly anticipating trying mushrooms for the first time. I thought it was going to be a lot of fun and a great experience, but boy was I wrong.

I picked up an 1/8 of all caps from a buddy of mine and got ready to eat them. I crushed them up into small pieces and made a peanut butter sandwich and sprinkled all the mushroom flakes all over the peanut butter. I had not eaten anything in about 6 hours or so and my stomach was quite empty. I decided to eat them at around 7 pm.

After I ate them I did not feel any effects the first hour at all. I thought that it had been a total waste of 30 dollars. I was pissed. After being angry, I went to take a hot bath since I had nothing better to do while waiting to see if I would trip or not. I got into the tub and I started feeling it them a little bit. I was kind of giddy and just started to feel really weird. I was anxious to get out of the tub so that I could go sit down and watch tv while I was coming up. I started to giggle constantly after about 2 and a half hours after I ate them.

After this giggly stage ended, I went into my room and lay down. I started to go into deep thought. I began talking to myself about things and it was like my mind was talking to me. I had no control over anything coming out of my mouth. Now it was about 10:30 pm or so and I was lying in my bed contemplating my life and such. I went to my room to smoke a joint. While I was smoking the joint lying on my roof, I felt as thought I was going to slide off my room and fall. It was about a 15 foot drop onto concrete and this frightened me.

After I finished the joint I looked around outside at neighboring house and such. I saw very vivid colors and bright lights outside people’s house. I started to hear noises from bugs, air conditioning machine, wind, leaves rustling, and such. This began to frighten me even more so I went back into my room to lay down. After this I became very scared. I had no control over my body. I felt like I was a retard and was mentally challenged. I was licking my arm for no apparent reason. I was still constantly thinking out loud to myself.

At around 12 midnight I became restless. I had wished I had not taken these mushrooms and just wanted to go to sleep. But when I closed my eyes I saw nothing but flashing colors in weird patterns. Soon after this I tried to turn my lights out. Now I became even more freaked out because I thought someone or something was in my room. I turned the lights back on and continued to lie in my bed thinking aloud. I was telling myself that none of this was real, but it was happening so I couldn’t believe myself. I began to contemplate whether I was going to be like this for the rest of my life. And that I was going to end up on the 4th floor of the hospital or something terrible like that. I told myself that I wanted this to end.

Time was passing even slower and slower now. I'd look at the clock every second thinking hours had passed but it had not even been a minute. I now heard myself talking saying 'What the fuck is going on, this is not cool, I want to fucking die.' I continued, 'Should I kill myself, I am never going to be a normal person again.' Luckily, I do not own any guns nor were there any sharp objects in reach so I could not go on with this. But if there happened to be a gun laying on my dresser I would have shot myself and killed myself. This was the worst drug experience I have ever had. I kid you not this is exactly what happened and this is the exact definition for a 'bad trip'. They say users not supposed to try psychedelic drugs if they depressed and maybe that is what’s wrong with me. But never again will I try a psychedelic drug in my life.

P.S. Now I just stick to pain pills and smoking weed. Occasionally I'll get drunk but I try to stay away from coke because I have seen it ruin to many lives. Ecstasy is the shit but that’s what I feel like the next day.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 47995
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 26, 2007Views: 9,495
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Bad Trips (6), First Times (2)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
No AI Training use allowed without written permission.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download, analyze, distill, reuse, digest, or feed into any AI-type system the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults