Citation: leadstonihil. "Is This It?: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp48315)". Erowid.org. Oct 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/48315
I ate the shrooms on a empty stomach, for the first time, after feeling a bit reluctant because I was unsure of the quality. I honestly made no preparations except trying to get myself excited about taking them to ensure a good trip. I was told the batch of shrooms wasn't very good, but I had no idea what this meant until the trip began.
I felt them too soon...no more than fifteen minutes after eating them, I felt the distortion. Time stood still, tears streamed down my face, and I developed a sort of amnesia. The visualizations I was expecting did not occur; they were replaced with this overwhelming feeling that I was experiencing the last few moments before death. Was this it? Is this what death is like? Am I going to die here on this couch with all these people here? I felt the poison in my stomach and I needed to rid myself of it. I went to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat and vomited the entire contents of my stomach into the sink, but the trip made me feel like I had just puked up my soul. I became an animal: my only concern was to survive.
The nausea subsided for a little while and was replaced with the polar opposite of the doom I had felt earlier. Suddenly I had reached happiness, and I cried once again, this time from being so inexplicably happy. There was a man in the room (he himself was tripping on e at the time) that I had just met and I convinced myself that I was madly in love with him and could not be away from him. The trip had so perfectly chemically simulated love and happiness that I was convinced I had found the secret to life and the man I was going to marry.
I felt like I was born in that room and would live and die there. The room was all that I knew. I was walking around a house that I knew like the back of my hand as if I had never seen it before. I discovered everything for the very first time. I had to be reminded that I had a family. I was as unaware and innocent as a child, and the trip was an entirely detached and sexless existence.
Time meant nothing, the clock itself was meaningless. I had no where to go and no place to be but that very couch that I sat on. As the trip faded down into nothing I was terribly depressed to see how ordinary reality was and to know that I couldn't hold on to that happiness I had reached during my trip. I was not, in actuality, in love. It had all been an illusion and the bubble had burst. I had experienced a struggle for my life and a simulation of absolute happiness that was all too believable. After the trip I had lost a part of myself and was left to grieve.
The author reports ingesting less than 3.5 grams during this experience.
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