DOSE:

17 g

oral

Tabernanthe iboga

(rootbark)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

If I had to compare Iboga to anything, it would definitely be Salvia. It's all there, the natural aspect, the question of intent and the ever-present danger of falling into fear. I don't know if this really qualifies as a report, maybe just an experience, but here goes nothing.

That summer, and perhaps earlier, suicide had become my ultimate cop-out when faced with horrible future possibilities. Although 2-3 years ago, after making some poor academic decisions, I had actually thought about ending it, by now I knew I'd go homeless or to the psych ward before biting the bullet. In other words, I never actually consciously believed that I'd kill myself, but (unbeknownst to me) I would always have this escape mechanism in the back of my mind when I found myself in a seemingly dead end future. If I found myself unable to convince myself that some horrible image of myself was false, or that someone wasn't better off than me or simply when my self-esteem would falter I would unconsciously threaten with something like, 'Well, I can always end it..' and a pretty strong conviction that I knew something of what was awaited me.

Anyway, Iboga finally called this control drama's bluff, only to have the whole house of cards come tumbling down once and for all (spectacularly, at that). I had planned to take Iboga for a long time, as a personal initiation and spiritual quest for guidance (the stories of visions and afterglows didn't hurt, either). I don't know if it was because I never seemed to get the setting just right or if I was just procrastinating, but the summer was coming to an end by the time I finally had time to take it.

Maybe I took it on too much of an empty stomach, or I should have prepared an extract to get rid of the plant matter, because I ended up reacting to it in the worst way. I had expected a little nausea, but not two full days of feverish haze. Uncontrollable sweating, pain and just pure fear.

My most distinct memory of that experience wasn't a vision, I only remember barely seeing (and I was looking) a small picture of a shrine the size of a piece of paper superimposed on the wall beside my bed in a sort of after-image kind of way. My most vivid memory was the point when I was so frustrated with the experience that I fell back upon my usual suicidal escape reasoning, that is, 'Well, I don't need to win that badly anyway, I can just die and continue.' To which I got the ultimate shock, 'Do you really know what'll happen?' Accompanied by the conscious realization of everything I had been doing, that I was being childish and that this was nothing more than a control drama.

It never occurred to me how similar this was to the collection of Salvia trips I've experienced, also for the first time that summer.

If and when I try this again, I believe I will extract the alkaloids to avoid any excess fever caused by ingesting large amounts of what is basically wood.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 48582
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 1, 2007	Views: 14,254
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Tabernanthe iboga (200) : First Times (2), Alone (16)