Citation: Redheadedspeedfreak. "Where to Go From Here: Life After Clarity: An Experience with Amphetamines (Aderall) /Mushrooms (exp49469)". Erowid.org. Mar 26, 2021. erowid.org/exp/49469
I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't enthralled with the idea of drugs. In my early teenage years I experimented with a plethora of drugs focusing mainly on hallucinogens. Drugs taught me about life, death, heaven, the universe, but I never formed a relationship with a drug like I did with Adderall.
When I was taking small or medium doses Adderall made me feel normal, effective, and like I could fully reach my potential. In medium to large doses I experienced a full spectrum of physical, mental and emotional effects everywhere from euphoric bliss to extreme paranoia. There were times when people around me told me they'd never seen me look and feel so good... There were also times when people told me I looked like death walking.
However, to get to the point of this ranting, I wanted talk about what happens when I got off of it. Regardless of the immediate withdrawal effects I experienced (which SUCKED), the most difficult part of parting with the drug has been it's long lasting psychological effects on me. For a long time I felt as if I could not truly be myself, be complete, express my emotions, or be fully productive without it. To find the PERFECT solution to this I had to go back to my roots.
My need for expansion led me back to a drug which has always altered my life synchonically exactly how I needed it to... MUSHROOMS. After a long period staying off drugs (aside from weed) I got together with some friends and my sister and we bought an ounce of mushrooms. We each ate about an eight and I had one of the most powerful trips of my lifetime. It led me to come to terms with some things that I think we all need to accept.
Although Adderall helped me meet my basic needs, our potention as human beings goes WAY beyond just being able to express ourselves, get work done, and enjoy life. Each of us hold the power to be truly understood empathically, eliminating the need to hear and be heard vocally (words can be great, don't get me wrong). There is also something to be said for self discipline. Although it is easy to complete tasks on speed, when I truly put work and heart into creation it is a million times more worth while.
For me mushrooms helped me to look my self pity in the face and move on, but it was also myself that inspired my learning of those lessons. With drugs I may better meet the needs of this reality, but with passion, truth and a little effort I can create my own.
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