DOSE:

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

August 29, 2003 is the last time I have taken more than 1/8th of mushrooms. I am writing this introductory paragraph on March 13 2006. The reason I do not take large doses of mushrooms any more is because of fear of falling into the state of mind that I will now discuss.

The following is a brief timeline of my tripping history: Age 17 was the first time I tripped. I took 1/16th ounce. I initially tried acid, and I would do acid occasionally, but I definitely thought that there was something special about mushrooms. I enjoyed it thoroughly and continued to do mushrooms approximately once every two months on average at only 1/16th ounce dosages. I was satisfied to only to 1/16th dosages not considering that one could trip with heightened intensity. I thought I may as well save money because I was tripping on this 1/16th amount.

After a few years I went up to 1/12th ounce. I was 19 when I did an 1/8 ounce for the first time. I continued doing these higher doses more often. I will talk about a few events of significance at these levels later, but let’s go down to the business at hand.

Once upon a time I did 5 grams of mushrooms. I had recently turned 21 years old. This was the most influential experience of my entire life and nothing can come close. Nothing in this world is anything. It is something I think about daily. It revealed to me who God was. I never knew IT was. Yes, it is Strange. Yes, it is absolutely astonishing. Yes it is Too Obvious to perceive normally. Yes, it is Happening right now, and finally yes IT IS NOW.

From the moment I took five grams of mushrooms which was July 11, 2000 until August 19, 2003, (the last time I really took mushrooms), I always did at least 5 to 9 grams, on average of about once a month. I would say roughly 25 to 30 occasions of 5 grams or more.

The real world is too Strange too suppose. July 11th 2000.

The set and setting: In my college house that I share with five other guys. My best friend is over, with whom I see eye to eye with on many issues including the greatness of mind expansion.

We ingest the mushrooms (about 5 .5 to 6 grams.) The plan is to sit inside and listen to music or watch a video. This has been the plan for a while with tripping because I find it most pleasurable to do. The cd’s are William Burroughs “Dead city radio”, Beatles “white album d1.” Tool and Pink Floyd were always considered the best and open to be put in at any time.

We started off with the video “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles. A half an hour into it, I definitely felt different. It came on as I was watching this video. I was incessantly laughing; so much so that I found it hard to catch my breath, oh man did I think it was funny. It was speaking directly about the tripping realm of consciousness, which was the butt of all the jokes. The movie seemed to have been made to be truly understood, while tripping. It is so funny, and I “get” it to such a new an enhanced extent. This experience is something I had many times before while tripping. I had been tripping for three and a half years prior to this. I had taken 1/8th ounce doses and that would produce an effect where the music of certain musicians, lyrics in particular was actually about another realm. I didn’t think about it as another “realm” back then but I knew there was something strange going on.

I would listen to Pink Floyd, Tool or The Beatles and I would be absolutely convinced that this was about me, right now at that time. There truly was at least two ways of interpreting certain songs. There was an additional feeling of certainty associated with this tripping consciousness.

When I think about these now after my higher dose trips, they fit in a sensible way, I was simply on the fringes and not plunging to the center. I was “peering in” on Synchronicity at these levels, I was getting quick flashes of what I would latter find out was the real world in the midst of our illusion.

I was both laughing very hard and trying to contain the overtones of an oncoming “something” in the background. It wasn’t pleasurable. It was definitely too much. I’ll quote Terrence Mckenna who describes it as: “It’s like everyone from Vancouver to San Diego just hurled themselves under their desk from a giant earthquake.” There was a feeling that something big is approaching. The times I had tripped before this, shrooms were one of the greatest things in life to me, it providing guaranteed pleasure. This time it was not like that.

We started off listening to music. It was the Beatles white album d.1. This is a cd I enjoyed thoroughly. However, this time it was absolutely unbearable. It sounded like these cut out sections, not fitting together, and all together agonizing.

Each second doesn’t fit with the next second. Ralph had already gone up stairs. I then went up to my room. I found out I walk into my room and I am standing right inside my door. I have this Awareness/Directly/Experiencing my “Unconscious.” I was there in this realm and my first thought was; “Oh my god this is actually real!

Are you kidding me? What in hell is this? You absolutely have to be kidding me!”

I had been interested in Jung and Freud a little.

I chose to major in psychology in college; I had taken only a few classes. I liked the sound of their ideas, what very little I knew, and such superficial information. I found out I never came within light years of fathoming what this actually was. It actually was!!!! It was kind of creepy notion; this was so far over my head. This was mindboggleing!!! I could See/Feel/Directly Experience these “Essences.” I didn’t know that term prior to this experience, and I recognized this at the time. This had never happened where I was given convincing knowledge, without taking it in from a normal source ie; other person, book, video etc. However, the word for these things was perfectly natural.

These were most definitely “Unconscious Essences” that were manifesting every single action that was occurring everywhere in this world of matter. This was also a new concept; I had never assumed a world could exist that wasn’t made of matter. I was in my Unconscious, this was very strange to me, but it was very obviously the source of all action that was taking place in our normal world of matter. I was Clearly witnessing/Feeling/Knowing this movement of these Essences that exist in the Unconscious and they clearly create the world.

This was a different realm of existing, and I felt that I was existing in this realm but that this was “more real” and it hit me as a new concept I would never had thought of that different realms were actually more or less real.

I had an exceedingly clear awareness. I am seeing this all Happen before my eyes. The most unquestionable convincing presentation, it was all one SYNCHORNICITY. Every object, every action, every thought, every living being anywhere, now, throughout all of history, every weather pattern, rock falling from a cliff, a random guy in New York asking for a bratwurst, comment from a cashier. Every occurrence is accounted for. It is all SYNCHRONICITY.

There was nothing in life that was not SYNCHRONICITY. The cars outside, the exact sounds they were making. These sounds were happening outside my window in normal waking life, but the meaning of all these sounds and action were altered and I was recognizing their true origins. The fact that a car stops at a stop sign and the Exact sound of the gravel it makes. The fact that four seconds later a blue car stops and makes a new pitch, an exact pitch I was expecting. The presentation is an unquestionable Obvious proof all around me.

The best way I can think of to describe what SYNCHRONICITY is: Think of the gears on a watch. Think of this on a huge scale like watch gears spread out on a football field. Move any of the watch gears and all the rest will immediately move at the same time. It is important to notice that it truly is AT the same time. If one moves, they all will move at the same time, because they are all interconnected.

In a way it is telepathic in that you know what will happen before it happens. However, it’s a stage of consciousness without any time, not a trace of time. Everything is happening exactly NOW. It is all the perfect occurrence of this perfect formula. The evidence is direct, astonishing and unmistakable. I could clearly and I mean CLEARLY See/Witness/Feel/Know this very OBVIOUS occurrence that was Happening.

I walked towards my bed and I just leaned over it and the very clear Revelation that this phenomenon was all the knowledge in the universe. It had to with this PRECISE movement of shapes in the Unconscious.

The concept of DIVINE PRECISION was representing itself. it was presented as; The real world is Divine. A Divine entity is the true nature of this world. I thought to myself while witnessing this that there are so many things I don’t know. I think of science and how I know very little and that I should be given knowledge in accordance with science, E = MC 2 and such. What I realized was that science, or the world that science tests, is clearly not a real world. It had such little meaning. I would have to say it had no meaning compared to this other realm of consciousness that was all the knowledge of the universe and it had to do with this PRECISION that was so PRECISE that it made me astonished to even consider the fact that something exists that is so PRECISE.

I must have been in my room an hour or so. Ralph who I did the mushrooms with came up to my room after having been down in the living room. I was still experiencing the Unconscious and the Perfect movement, though I could understand what he was saying and I could talk in a sober manner. A few minutes later I decided to go down in the basement again.

…………and then it HAPPENED.

I was on the third step from the bottom of the staircase, when it was revealed to me that the room was actually GOD. The first thought that went through my head was; “I though maybe?” (in reference to the existence of God. “My god you absolutely have to be kidding me… I would have never… impossible to imagine this scenario….nothing like this…….. What…? ……….You have to be kidding me!!!)

A brief history of my personality prior to this:

In the previous two years I had an immense interest in disproving Christianity. In particular because it was part of my culture, I also thought Islam and Jewish
are equally bad. Anyone who assumes their tiny formula is correct at the expense of all others being incorrect, those who live in a small world, anthropomorphic projections of exactly who God is. How absurd, yet dangerous. The blatant irrationality of saying “we are just one of thousands of religions now and throughout time… but it just so happens that our religion (the only one we know of) is the one and only correct interpretation of the world and those who think otherwise are consigned to hell!” Oh yea and if we stray from our God we are consigned to hell for eternity, but that doesn’t effect are decision to obey the religion that I just happened to have been born under”

I still hold the same view to this day that organized religion is such an obviously absurd phenomenon, even though every one of my experiences entirely revolves around Jesus. This has nothing to do with the bible or how it’s taken literally with emphasis on historical facts in our world of matter. Which I still think is ridiculous. Interestingly, it has a lot to do with Gnostic Christianity, which I was introduced to one and a half years after I had started with the 5 plus grams dosage, and the Jesussynchronicity vs. matterillusion experiences.

Even though I had an interest in religion, I can honestly say I never really thought about what God could be. Sure I spoke about how Christians or Muslims are not right, I didn’t actually attempt to think that maybe something mysterious is going on, that God does exist it is just nothing like the juvenile Western conception. I should point out that what I discovered to be God was an extension of what I was interested in a lot and that is consciousness itself. I had been into night dreams, I had read many books on dreams and I even recorded my dreams every night and attempted to lucid dream. I guess I was so tainted by the word God from the Western conception that I wasn’t even going to dignify the idea.

To actually witness God: There is not a smidgen of a doubt because what it did was to magnify reality by a large number, but for the sake of some sort of conception I’ll say 46,974 times more real. Of course this notion of “MORE REAL” was a new concept I would never have supposed. I had no clue the world could have a veil lifted from it and “The Real World” would show its gears in an action where all cause and effect was accounted for, but was no longer cause and effect:

One movement. One Synchronicity. I would never have assumed in a thousand of years of normal sober consciousness that there is a “Realm of TRUTH”…..What?..........How could I even begin to conceive?

Everything I Saw/Felt/Knew/Experienced were all brand new concepts in my mind as a human being. However at the same time this is Clearly what is natural and I am clearly a part of this. I actually had no predisposition to any of this. All of these concepts where “DIVINE CONCEPTS” which means they possess such a degree of clarity that I was far beyond the questions of: Is this real or not? I am moved to such a high degree. PERFECTION, way beyond mathematical perfection that will put me into a state of continued astonishment.

Each concept that I have used capital letters on for in this write-up: for instance “More Real”, “Exactly”, “Synchronicity” etc. These are very meaningful in themselves and with a very large influence. The amount of meaning in these Divine concepts should be thought of as magnified by 46, 974 times.

This is what happened to my perception: As I said I had experienced “the Unconscious” while up in my bedroom. That was a place far deeper than waking consciousness. The GOD MIND REALITY was far more deep, but noticeably a place very deep. It is also important to note that nothing changed in the physical domain.

The pole in the basement was still technically green in color, the washer and dryer were still white, the carpet was the same etc. However, the “Meaning” of these objects was drastically altered. The exact placement of everything, and I mean everything was accounted for NOW. Every piece of clothing lying on the floor was all planed out previously in this other dimension of true explanation. I would know when I certain person was going to walk down the stairs. I was aware of the gears that create every thought. We were all in this together, and no one knows about this. This is too strange to fathom. A human mind could not conceive of something this strange, I thought. It was a manifestation of this “Real” meaning. Everything was made of a substance called “DIVINE LOVE.” It struck me as so weird.

It struck as something that I would have never thought of. This would be too strange to ever suppose. I mean let’s think of the incongruity here: There is one Substance, only one thing that truly exists. It is the most moving powerful substance. It would seem that it would be more at home racing through space, encircling the farthest reaches of space or in heavenly realm. But what it was doing was transformed and EXISTED in the realm of Matter. This beyond profound SUBSTANCE, how does it spend it’s days? As “Checker auto stores ™ As Time, as whiffleball games, as elementary school buildings, as Themes of “Redneck at a Wal-Mart” 1980’s pop culture, Woman from Somalia working at the Holiday Inn, as jobs as a teenager growing up, as egging cars when I’m 13 and loving it. As Professional football, as India back in 1543, Gi-joe guys buried in the dirt for years and are still in the same spot 13 years later. As everything that is different in every other culture. This is what it does. It hangs out, doing everything ever in matter. This is Strange.

I did not feel the love and I was not in a state of ecstasy. It was more presented as a fact: “This is what is really going on.” This entire experience actually was never pleasurable at any point. I’m glad I had it, and I still have them if I do 5 grams. But at the time it is unbearable and I want it to stop, the entire trip.

I specifically looked at the washer and dryer and thought; “What a very strange thing to be GOD.” I looked at the pole and thought “WOW it was DIVINE LOVE this whole time.” Also magnified was the actual halting of time. This issue of time and psychedelics had been joked about since I first started doing psychedelics. However, this was different. No Time At All. Time does not exist. I go the impression there is no need to worry.

Another presentation offered with undeniable evidence was that death does not exist. I want touch up on levels of understanding. Tool, who is actually my favorite music of all time, has a sentence on their album Aenima that says “there is no such thing as death, life is a dream and we are an imagination of ourselves.”

When I would do 1/8th of mushrooms for the two years prior to this 5 gram amount, I would “really understand” this. I couldn’t articulate anything about it. I couldn’t fathom it, nor did I try to conceive of it. Some kind of instinct went off in me on 1/8th of mushrooms consistently when I thought of this statement. I tried to think about what he meant by “ourselves,” on a few occasions, and I did not get it. The only reason I thought about it was because I think the lyrics or so great the album so perfect that I ruminate over these things.

This time it was presented Clearly. There isn’t a metaphor to do justice to the amount of conviction I have during these presentations of what is the True Realm. It’s like a mechanic showing me how the engine works and he points to each part and says “look, see I push the piston up and down and look the crankshaft is clearly moving when I do this. Showing you right in front of your eyes, showing you from every angle, asking yo9u “do you understand?” I’m willing to explain all day until you understand.

Well I am shown exactly how death cannot exist. It is beyond impossible. I see the physics of the mind, the physics of the essences, I feel every part of them; it is a state of undeniable pure understanding.

At about this point a new issue occurred. It was brought to my attention that this was all JESUS. I was really confounded. I thought God was playing a joke to make Jesus, or some other single entity be God. This is the concept I find so ridiculous about Western religions like Islam and Christianity. Making statements like God was this one particular guy in history, to which the response by any of the other thousands upon thousands of other peoples is: No actually God wasn’t that one particular person in history it was this other guy associated with my culture and identity. To which the response from a different culture is. “Hey you guys are all actually wrong I am from a different culture and I feel close to god and I feel that I am a good intentioned and worthy person so in conclusion: God must be the person from South America, No that’s not it God is the person from Canada! You guys are wrong. He was from
Indonisia.. ad nausem.

I did have an affinity for Buddha, a superficial understanding, so I thought, “at least you could have been Buddha.” The presentation was that it was unmistakably Jesus. Which of course held a certain irony for me. I can’t express enough how weird this “Thing” was. Absolutely not human. Don’t be weighted down with issues of what garb did they where back then, robes and sandles? This is an alien Mind that is right here right now. It demolishes all of my physics and it IS. In fact the one concept that I pull away from all of this is how “Strange” this all is. It was invisible. It was a state of mind. It was a Realm of MIND. It was a REALM of MIND that was SYNCHRONICTY. It was every person and it was most definitely myself, or my real self, my true identity, like some event happened where I imagined myself as a human being and all the experiences that went with my life, but my true nature was this Revelation. It was the True nature of being, the Realm of Truth. In fact I had the thought at the time “So this is what is meant by, I am the truth, I am the life.” Some lyrics to a camp song, nothing I ever gave a second thought to. But what I was in was a Realm of Truth, The Mind of Jesus. This is the Truth. This is what is Really Going On and has been THIS ENTIRE TIME. Again it was brought to my attention that everything I ever knew was an “Illusion.” Jesus was the “MIND” surrounding everything and me. It was everything.

I then sat down on a recliner. Ralph was not here at the time. I held conversations with this MIND. I didn’t speak it was all in the Mind. The one notion I have to mention is that I had two distinct aware nesses. One aware ness is experiencing all of this Revelation, experiencing this TRUE nature of reality. While at the same time I know all this is new and drastically different from anything I knew before and I have memories of how things are while sober.

I then thought some things: Why??......Why would this be going on??? (Referring to life as I knew it layered by the workings of this strange realm of truth). The Thing/Jesus/The Truth of this world didn’t know, which struck me as interesting. I didn’t get a satisfactory answer, but just that it didn’t know why. As if this Mind that is Jesus/Synchronicity that is our world didn’t know what it was doing here either. I thought/asked …. “and my parents, brother, jobs, school, stores, friends etc. That whole thing I ever knew.. you know….life? high school? t-ball, school work, and years and years of existence. What the hell was that all about?”

I can’t say I received any profound answer; more just a fact that all experience was the result of the movement of shapes in a different realm and the outgrowth of these movements is the world of matter.

This is what I find interesting. It didn’t seem to be glorious, but factually the workings of this Shape, these perfect movements, one movement with perennial falling dominoes. Even though my experience in waking normal life will be filled with emotion, this metaphysical explanation of mathematical movement is without emotion.

I recall the exact “look” of people was all created by me. The issue was, was that everything was me, I was Jesus, everything was Jesus, everything was God. However, I still have my other mind the whole time and knowing that I am just a peon, but still I was God and I was doing everything. It was such an issue related to me personally, the entire world, all of history. Out of many possible worlds to inhabit my consciousness was shoved into one where the themes are war, shopping, learning, dieing, sports, evolution, eating etc. The “super unconscious me” was creating everything in my life. This was all very familiar and obvious, but still very shocking. It was so shocking because I still had that one sober neuron, or contrasting consciousness to compare all this to.

This goes on for a while. I just am thinking over everything that has been apart of my life. The people I have known, the jobs I have worked, all of my interests, the fact that I am attracted to psychology, marijuana, dreams and Pink Floyd I recall stood out, as that was relevant at the time. Immediately the “Real Reasons” for all of this manifested stuff all was shown to me through thoughts and all so obvious, but it didn’t seem very meaningful or filled with emotion, but rather the outgrowth a movements in another dimension.

My vaguely remembered dreams of the previous three days were magnified and I was shown what they really meant. The precise meaning of my dreams of the previous three days was something that carried special attraction to me. One subject I am interested in is dreaming. One book I had read about lucid dreaming was about how when we hear the correct interpretation of our dreams, we will suddenly “know” what the dream meant. This struck me as odd. I have never had something like that happen with me. Now I was given a reason for the dreams that I had. All images, thoughts, actions were all the direct effect of this Whole Creature, our true nature. It occurred to me that dreams: were on a level about equal with waking life and that they were related to one another in many ways. The consciousness I was in was at the metaphorical bottom of the ocean.

One thing I would like to mention is nothing can compare with these two hours of revelation in this Realm of Truth. Any arguments that people give like “your on drugs man,” would be ludicrous if they saw this other reality to compare their everyday, go to work, sleep, eat, shit, new fall sitcoms and that’s it, understanding of the world and saw enlightenment.

Now back to some history: At this point in my life I had a girlfriend for the previous six months. She would actually break up with me four days after this, so our relationship had been on the rocks. Now I actually felt a lot of love for her, so when I thought of her. It was reiterating with utmost clarity that she was an “illusion.” This concept of “illusion” was prevalent from the start of this revelation of God, because I thought of my mom and dad and they were just illusions created by the Realm me I guess, whoever had me go through with being born.

Ralph came into the room now. Of course to me he was completely familiar with all of the knowledge that I had. The reason I assume that he knew about all of this is because his every action was the result of this one phenomenon Synchronicity that is everything in the world on this level of consciousness. What is so interesting, is that the entire world around me, the physical world that we think of as governed by physics and then the free choice of each individual simply is confined only by these laws, is clearly not what is Really going on.

Every action that was taking place: the sounds of people coming and going upstairs, Ralph’s every word and movement and reaction to me was clearly the production of my own Unconscious, which turns into all Unconscious which is one SYNCHRONICITY.

Let me say a few words about this solipsistic statement that “Every person, action, thought etc. was a direct result of my Unconscious. Instead of me thinking that I am the most important person in the world and that 50 billion lives have revolved around my one lifetime. I instead think that each Soul must have made an agreement to come to this consciousness and be part of one perfect reflecting harmony and that I am the unconscious manifestation of other Souls/peoples reason’s for being in this world. Or when the one Creature that we are all apart of split itself into pieces, they still are all came from the same creature, and are now a part of that Creature. An agreement had to have been made for Synchronicity to have initially happened it seems.

When I was around my friend Ralph. It was a given that he was “in on it.” The one thing I wasn’t sure about was if he knew all of this before and I thought: “Wow Ralph has been this puppet of God all this time that I knew him. All this time I have spent in his parent’s basement growing up, playing video games and just being regular friends with, he was really this puppet of God this entire time. The other possibility to me was I thought he was receiving all of this newfound information like me and he was shocked by it all too. However, later he said nothing of the sort happened. He just had a normal trip, only more intense than usual.

At this time I thought of Roger Waters’ song “It all make perfect sense” and it kept going through my thoughts and its Real Meaning was this. The exact inflection and melody was all so overwhelmingly understood in this realm of truth.

Next I turned on the television. Although this entire experience was so highly strange I would have to say the television incident really could give one the heeby- jeebies. Recall that Synchronicity was the first revelatory or divine concept that I had happened to me in my bedroom. Now it was being brought to my attention that what SYNCHRONICITY is, is JESUS. The actual metaphysical phenomenon was what/ who Jesus is. And what all does IT encompass? Everything ever. It is the Truth, the true physics of the world. That although the world of capitalism, physics, cause and effect, chemistry, biology and acting according to free will but limited to physical laws seems to be the what is going on. In truth it is all One Creature at large. More perfect than mathematics. One Creature, I am a part of it, but somehow when I really understand it, it was only me the entire time. My true identity is this creature at large ie: JESUSSYNCHRONICITY.

Every movement is accounted for. It’s all obviously happening NOW. All communication through the MIND showing me how everybody is actually Jesus in disguise and that everything I ever thought I knew was just an illusion.

Our world is a product of Consciousness, this is the key, it can create illusion, no matter how real it seems, it caries with it this potential, we all know this, because each night we dream, yet we never know it is a dream, even if the situations are absolutely absurd. If I believed that was really happening, what else would I believe is really happening?

I was changing channels on the television. It was in accordance with SYNCHRONICITY like everything else, but there were three distinct people whose certain physical characteristics were in each person whom I changed the channel to. Keep in mind this is not like saying; “that cloud kind of looks like Elvis or the Virgin Mary, or some mercurial way of looking at things. But was rather a deliberate presentation and the lesson was:“This is what was always going on, God was always in control, and in Truth is the only thing that is Real.”

The three people were Jeff, (this guy I knew from work at the time) Steven Tyler (singer for Aerosmith) who means nothing to me in life (I guess I did like Aerosmith when I was 13 years old or so). My grandma from my father’s side (she had been dead for a number of years, I really didn’t know her, nor had any special bond to.) However, these were the three people whose different parts of their bodies were in each person I flipped to on the T.V.

Jesus presents: “SEE HOW OBVIOUS IT IS” Starring: everybody and everything that ever existed: played by Jesus. The role of Jesus is played by everybody and everything who ever existed.

One man on the T.V. had a nose that would become illuminated with the Jesus clarity and he would talk for a while. Each word had an alternate meaning that meant so much to me at the time. Again here is the issue of altered meaning of English words. A truly different meaning, this alternate meaning is associated the Mind of Jesus. I changed the channel; the person on the T.V. would have a forehead illuminated with the Jesus clarity, EXACTLY like my Grandma’s. I have no predisposition to any of this, why these three characters out of all the people in life where the theme of this is anyone’s guess.

I never even noticed my grandma’s forehead when she was alive but this was illuminated that it was Jesus who was my grandma and Jesus who was this person being interviewed on T.V. I would turn the channel, a woman middle aged woman is on. Her nose will become illuminated in clarity and it will be presented that this is the same nose on Jeff from work. The eyes of Steven Tyler were on another person on a different channel. The hair of a 17 year old boy on the next channel is exactly the hair of my grandmother.

I mean this all very deliberate. It’s all conveyed to me that it is all Jesus and it always was. I can keep going with examples but to sum up this happened for about twenty minutes of constant flicking of channels. Beatles book art, the product of my Unconscious Another huge occurrence was when I looked through this Beatles illustrated lyrics book. Every page I turned to was an exact replica, my very deep Unconscious ….OBVIOUSLY. This continually shocked me and I would try to trick it. I would try to open up to “random” pages but it did not matter.

Whatever page I turned to it was always the direct meaning of this occurrence of perfection in the Unconscious. The lesson I learned from this specific occurrence was that free will doesn’t exist. Synchronicity itself seems to be in direct opposition to free will.

Let me just point something out that I did think of as a result of this Synchronicity experience. Why do we think what we think? For instance whenever you say “I thought” what do you mean? “You” thought? Each thought that “occurs” between our ears, the random thoughts we are bombarded with throughout our day, why those? A day at lunch in the 5th grade. A random night in the 10th grade. Why was it that particular random thought as opposed to all other possibilities?

At this point Ralph was in the basement with me. I was making grunt sounds “Noooo wayyyyyy” “Nuuuuuu Ahhhh” from being so thoroughly amazed by this phenomenon of not being able to ever trick this THING by attempting to open to random pages. The pictures on the pages were an Exact manifestation of my Unconscious. One page in specific was of a lot of creatures with their skulls exposed, all with fearful expressions (this is really in the book.) When I saw this page there was a crystal clear conveyance, a train of thoughts streamed through my head that said “ 1000 Years ago a man named Jesus ………………..did this and this etc..……………..There was specifically a new train of thoughts that sped through my head, presented as facts.

Then I was given the collective mentality of these people that lived 1000 years ago and why they believed in Jesus. The utter OBVIOUSNESS of this mentality is unlike any form a rational thought, so beyond proof or scientific formats. It just IS. There is no doubt. Doubt does not exist in this mentality. I thought, “Wow if I had a mentality like this of course I would believe in Jesus I wouldn’t be aware of any other way to think.” I also thought it was odd that it was 1000 years ago and not 2000 like it said in the bible.

I continued to stay on the couch. I had an immense need to urinate, but I was so far detached from any understanding that peeing even exists, that I was a human, or any ordinary way of thinking. I thought it must have been something else. I didn’t feel right and was annoyed by this feeling. I knew there was something awry with something and that I was uncomfortable.

Time was at a complete standstill. It has to be or else SYNCRONICITY wouldn’t take effect. I specifically had the thought that it was weird I was going to spend eternity in this basement. I thought at the time: “what an odd thing.”

I should point out that although I am using the word God. I am not saying that this is the Ultimate realm of truth. I can say that this realm was far more real then my normal waking consciousness. This experience had no “glory” at all. At the time of this happening it was miserable. I would get on and off the couch vaguely knowing that something isn’t right with my body. I kept shifting in methodical fashion, I felt controlled by something, shifting in accordance with the ideas. About this time three concepts occurred over my left shoulder and it was conveyed to me that this is how Jesus sees the world.

Three concepts were presented as Divine concepts as highly important so important in fact that they alter the meaning of any concepts. FORGIVENESS, NON-JUDGEMENT, what was emphasized was the complete “lack” of the ability to judge, which struck me as interesting. It was not that an option was given to judge or not to judge and one should take the path of non-judgment. Rather the presentation was that Jesus’ Mind couldn’t judge, it’s impossible to judge, because there is nothing that it is not).

Finally the last concept of importance that came from a spot above my left shoulder was EVERYBODY IS JESUS IN DISGUISE. At this time another friend of mine, and also a roommate, came in front of me to pick something up. His entrance of course is part of the lesson from Jesus, and in exact accordance with Synchronicity. “Every person is actually Jesus in disguise, that’s the key, that’s the secret.” It makes too much sense for human’s to fathom. That is where this truth exists; Human’s five senses are not equipped to handle the frequency of the Blatantly Obvious.

My friend said something, he was looking for a cord, but when I looked at his eyes it was clear Jesus was running him. I had the impression he didn’t know. At this time, some of his band mates were walking through the room. Jesus, through the MIND conveyed that I created them all or they were all a part of me and I of them. Again the theme occurred like on the T.V. where body parts were illuminated. One had dreadlocks that were illuminated and how they are like mine. Another had eyes just like me and they were illuminated. It was all a big presentation, Jesus was conveying, “Look what I can do, and look what has been really going on this entire time.”

One final concept that was a part of this was the lack of any Control. This phenomenon of Synchronicity seems to be in direct opposition to free will. Synchronicity is the law of this dimension of Mind, the Mind of Jesus. The lesson was I have no control over anything, I never had any and I never will.

Control is an illusion. At this exact moment, (and of course I knew the words he was going to say) my roommate yelled out to some of his friends that were leaving: “Hey are you guys coming over for the party on Saturday, bring your friends!” The reason this had a particular meaning to me with me was because one more police encounter at our house for party gatherings and we were evicted.

We only had two weeks left of that old lease too. I just had this 2-hour lesson of utmost certainty that the world was an illusion but I didn’t know what to think of this
party. I thought there was some unexplained or forgotten part of this physics/ metaphysical scenario. Jesus kept reiterating “It doesn’t MATTER!” “It doesn’t MATTER!” Referring to it (matter/ all of life as I know it) all being an illusion.

At some point another roommate came home and he offered me a bong hit. I still wasn’t in my normal state. I assumed he “knew” and that we had crossed some barrier or something happened and we were in this state of existing from now on. He seemed so nice.

At some point I floated back up to this world (ie level of consciousness). The one issue that stuck out to me was: How in the hell? I can’t believe I can go through that and then I end up back in this world. Literally, not a day goes by that I don’t recall this experience, or more accurately think about the lessons directly from this experience, which of course is :If it does not appear as God it’s an illusion.

The experience I just wrote about was my first time taking a dose of 5 grams of mushrooms. It is my most memorable because it was the first. After this I took mushrooms (at least 5 grams every time), about once a month for the following two years. There was then maybe six months that I did not do any mushrooms until my final trip on August 19 2003. Which is another one I will write about at length.

As for all of the trips I took in between: What I can say about them is that they are all basically the same in structure. The JESUSSYNCHRONICITY theme is guaranteed in every trip. The trips are a presentation of the previous few days in my waking life, and how these seemingly trivial encounters with people were actually attempted messages from Jesus. The messages are always proof that the world of matter is an illusion and to “Not fall for it, Don’t believe matter is real.” And that the truth is there is only one creature that truly exists and this creature is Jesus. In reality every person is Jesus in disguise. Each person’s real identity is this creature at large.

There are two distinct impressions I get of what Jesus is doing. One is that JESUS is a multisided Shape that exists in the Unconscious at complete peace and in control. That is like a sphere with many sides on it. I have never seen it but I feel it, I then extrapolate this is what it is. I think a disco ball is a good metaphor.

The other is of Jesus fighting wars and there is a certain anxiety to it, but at the same time it’s clear who will win. Jesus uses love as a weapon, which annihilates any opposition, by transforming opposition into the only thing that exists, which is Love.


The Asteroids

Now an interesting experience I had in Portland. Jesus/Synchronicity (of course). The trip was the evidence the Jesus Synchronicity are the real laws. I recall Jesus would let me know a knock will occur at the door, but I can FEEL the exact moment that it will happen, even five seconds before it, I will feel a certain anticipation, fully feeling how this is “going to play out.” It really seems like this already happened, but it happened in a different dimension originally.

This type of proof was continuing to happen, it conveys to me “sirens are going to turn on outside in the distance”……..and then it happens. “The light on the adjacent apartment will turn on,”…..and then it happens.

There seems to be a phenomenon throughout these high dose experiences of Jesus being a Shape in the Unconscious and also that what I think of as outer space, vast amounts of space literally spreading infinitely in all directions, is actually the Unconscious. These perfect movements of spheres in the Unconscious, like the massive spheres planets and stars, the presentation is that these are very closely related. This outer space as humanity objectively knows it, and each of our own individual subjective inner worlds are actually the same thing. This is an illustration of the strange phenomenon where one could say that the entire world is actually God in reality, and that each person’s own real identity is as God. Somehow every person in this world has a specific meaning to me individually.

It was the latter part of this trip that a very peculiar phenomenon happened to me or I guess as it was presented already happened. I had the experience that the Earth was being hit by meteors and that Jesus WAS the “spaceship” who saved us. When this information/experience was first introduced to be my original thought was “Wow, I was living during the period when the Earth was destroyed.” It obviously happened so it wasn’t a question. I am floating slowly and at peace through outer space in the spaceship. The spaceship is the level of consciousness that is the Mind of Jesus, the connectedness of Synchronicity. Everything really being one Entity, Jesus IS/WAS the spaceship that is the machine you escape with. This again has a sense of urgency to it. It seems that on one level this mindset of Jesus is highly peaceful and surely under control of everything, yet there is also a dramatic, urgency associated with this experience.

Many times it seems that Jesus is at war. It seems that Jesus’ own fortitude is necessary, that It has stamina. It’s “weapon” or “method of warfare” in this war is Love. To think with assurance that anything else could actually exist is too absurd is the method. And this makes all opposition dissipate into IT, the one substance Love.

Think of it like the United States going to war in Iraq. It’s a given that the United States will win with such a huge technically advanced military, yet the fighting still takes place. It is a given and there is no need to worry that Jesus will win, because Love is the ultimate weapon, the war still takes place.

I am having the realization that the Earth was hit by a multitude of meteors. I would get the warning to “hang on another one is about to hit.” I knew I had a few seconds before it hits. I Knew/could Cleary feel it coming… it was coming….., it would hit. I could feel the vibrations but the vibrations were stilted because the force would be absorbed by Love.

Then I could Feel us traveling through space with “ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.” This was a fulfilling glorious concept:

“WE ALWAYS HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!”

Here we are now traveling. I want to remind you that every experience I’ve had with the Jesus Synchronicity experience always has associated with it at conveyed with urgency and importance throughout each of these experiences is:
“Don’t Fall for it.”
“It doesn’t Matter.”

A message is trying to get through with much concern. “It doesn’t Matter, don’t believe it.” What it’s conveying is don’t believe that the world of matter is at all real in any sense.

I am then in a state of complete undeniable truth that this is my true identity with Jesus as a necessary part of Jesus. This is So Obvious. I wasn’t sure at the time, while having this experience, as a part of Jesus; if the story of Earth and history in space and time and matter that I was then vaguely remembering, (it was kind of foggy recollection) was something that could happen? Or that did happen?

Was it that all of history in matter is something that may be realized at some point? It is something that could possibly happen to me? Might happen to me? I wasn’t sure it seemed like I woke up from a dream and I had some remembrances: possibly I thought I was a human? (Thinking about it) “No, that couldn’t have been it”. I wasn’t sure it seemed too far-fetched. It seemed like such a ludicrous concept at the time as I was clearly my natural self as a part of Jesus at some kind of a peace and fully Knowing: I have “ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD”……….

In the same way that it is unbelievable to conceive of ourselves as actually Spirits and not human at all, it was unbelievable to think that it would ever be possible to actually think I was a human at home in matter.

During this experience I felt in a way like a young child, I felt as if I were about five years old in many ways. One part of it felt like a state of curiosity or wonder when being read a fairy tale before bedtime. I’m right there at home (in space with Jesus) in complete comfort and it seemed like something that couldn’t possibly happen that I would actually think I was made of matter. I felt obedient for good reason.

Jesus was conveying to me “No really this happened you once thought yourself into matter” It seemed unbelievable that this could happen. I was so happy it was never true. I was in my apartment in Portland while this was happening in one sense. However, what was undoubted, it couldn’t be doubted was that I was clearly actually floating slowly through outer space as a part of Jesus. This was one big spaceship; I knew the engines were on. I would hear throughout this tiny machine like sounds for a bit I would hear engines turning on, and then it would all turn back to a very peaceful silence, later engines would turn on again.

I could still feel impacts occurring but that the impacts would only take affect if I were to believe I was made of matter. Before an impact would occur, I was given reassuring reminders from Jesus. “It’s no big deal, just remember what you’re made of and it can’t hurt you.” Your not made out of matter but constructed out of Divine Love. It absorbs any opposition into it and the opposition turns into Love. I recall thinking of two of my cousins and I felt like they were with me. There was an underlying sense of joy. I felt like I was a child again, I thought I was wearing pajamas like I did when I was a child.

Apparently after the urgent bombarding presentation of: The way to escape is to remember. The question is what are you made of? DON’T FALL FOR IT. Why would you ever believe matter matters? Everything was always all right. The world of matter was small corner in the mansion of your imagination. I floated back up to the top…and what strikes me as amazing that I am back here, I floated to the top, after that happened.
Looping

Another experience I recall from when I was in Seattle: This trip had the Loop of progressing and receding madness. I was lying on my bed (obviously). The information was becoming so overwhelming that I had to be or my hands and knees. There was the message said with urgency: (through the mind) From Jesus “I need your help, I thought I could create the world and it would be no problem, but something leaped out of control the instant I created it, many beings are working on the equation but it seems impossible, do you want to give it a try?

Even though I was aware of these events happening in another realm, I still felt very sober. I specifically recognized this at the time, I gathered my wits, straightened my shirt, I thought Okay..

Okay.. I am the manager of this apartment. I am in Seattle. My family is at home in Minnesota, everything checks out. Then a message came through “We need your help.” I cracked a grin because I thought the whole situation was ridiculous, I seemed sober.

I reacted to this message with a grin, and shaking my head. Thinking is was it’s way of being funny, saying such a grandiose schizophrenic situation. So then I (laughingly, thinking this is a joke) thought “sure I’ll have a look at it. My reaction was absolute disbelief.

“Ohhhh my that is a real problem.”

I was absolutely put off by one notion: This equation is PERFECTLY IMPOSSIBLE. It was crystal clear. I need to emphasize how Real this is. At one moment I find it all so funny and ridiculous, but when the notion actually breaks through to me, I am so convinced of how real this phenomenon is. I could feel every part of this equation and it was specifically understood that this was Impossible.

What do I mean by Looping? A stream of information will enter my head at a super speed. As an analogy think of when one scrolls down on the computer with the side bar and how 5 pages will fly by each second. The information load would be overwhelming, which is why I was on my hands and knees. The loop would come around, then retreat, then come around again, and retreat etc.. Each time that it hit I could feel it coming, I knew when it would hit and I would brace myself. A metaphor for this is; imagine a sphere, like a basketball, and a smaller sphere like a golf ball. The golf ball slowly circles the basketball. Each time that the golf ball comes to the front side, I will be hit with unspeakable madness. I can absolutely Feel/Know that it is coming. I also could Know where it was on it’s path around the sphere.

Elliptical shapes in a hyperspace

A few months after my initial 5 gram experience, this in October of 2000, I was still living in the same house in Minneapolis. I had started off with music. I started with Pink Floyd, Beatles, and then the third disc I put in was “pet sounds” by the Beach Boys. It then kicked in too hard. I stopped listening to music because it became unbearable. Usually music would be great pleasure, but the too much ness kicked in again because I was taking 6 grams of mushrooms. This experience was very strange. I sat up in my room. I needed silence because any noise is just unbearable in this state of mind.

I was an elliptical shaped object that dwells in the Unconscious in a very fast moving realm. There were at least four other people I knew who where there as an elliptical object. I distinctly remember my mom and three people I knew from the hospital. These elliptical objects would bounce around seemingly randomly in this hyperspace. It sounded like the clicking noise of a turn style (those one way machines that you enter at a sporting event or concert). What I found kind of disturbing was the presentation of the “chance occurrence” of which elliptical objects were sucked in and then spat out in some pressurized atmosphere. The feeling of the physics of this place would be that of a high vacuum atmosphere, sort of like saying these ellipse where being siphoned in and pressurized out.

Of course this is just a metaphor, the issue at hand is pure mind and these are dimensions that are different than our own, and run with different laws. What was happening was this was the place where human thoughts originate. The thoughts are direct results of the movement these elliptical objects take. This experience did go on for hours and at the time I was lying on my floor in front of my sink in my bedroom.

Songs about Jesus

On another occasion while I was living in my Minneapolis house in 2000 and while up in my room. I had taken 5 plus grams of mushrooms and decided to listen to Led Zeppelin. This was a band that I liked. I was listening to it, but it held no interest to me. In fact it did not seem like the trip was working. I then put in “A perfect circle’s mer de noms album.

This completely changed everything to the Jesus mind again. It was presentations that if I listen to this cd it will be all code that Jesus speaks/telepathically to me directly. So here again we have the phenomenon that is a continuing theme of lyrics will have alternate meanings then how I would usually understand them.

I am not talking about words with multiple meanings being taken as different meanings. Like when one says “no pun intended.” I mean it has nothing to do with English at all. It does insofar and those are the sounds that come out of their mouth, but the sounds themselves will carry a different meaning. On this occasion it was a Jesus information session. That Maynard James Keenen was Clearly a prophet of Jesus.

This will seem like a trite example but for instance and this struck me as peculiar. That on the song “Judith” where there is the chorus “He did it all for you.” Which in the song is being ironic. During this experience I had every sound with the mouth (sung), although in English in our world was shown to be a altered by Jesus and then the chorus would come “He did it all for you.” And it was good news, the good things that Jesus was doing for us. The significance was from track one until the end of the cd.

AUGUST 19 2003

1/8th ounce and the hardest trip I’ve had
Now I will talk about my experience from August 29, 2003. I was living in Minnesota at the time for only a few months. It had been awhile since I had done mushrooms. My supply had finally dwindled. However I should point out that I didn’t want to do them anymore. For the longest time I had only done 5 –9 grams per trip. I didn’t conceive to do any other amount because I wanted to get to these very interesting states of mind and whatever else, so why waste the trip on anything else at a lower dose?

However, what was happening during all this time was the Jesussynchronicty occurrence but it didn’t seem to offer anything new and interesting. I was miserable and insane during these trips. It was getting scary knowing that I pretty much had no free will at all and that anything could happen.

The problem was as soon as the trip comes on at these high doses I had the impression I shouldn’t be peering in on this reality. The information racing through the head is too wearing. The trips are a bad time. While sober I would always think of tripping as enlightening. If I can get information from the true realm, then this is a good thing, I would think.

So I’m back in Minnesota. It had been eight months since I had taken mushrooms. I decided to only do 1/8th ounce because I figured this would be a light trip where I would listen to music. Ironically this was the hardest I have ever tripped. I was in my basement, in my bedroom lying on my bed. About 20 minutes after I ate the mushrooms I got the distinct impression I was going to get hit harder then I had before. I actually had the thought when I got the first vibes. “Oh no why do I keep doing this?” “What could I have been thinking? Obviously I should never do this again.”

As this thought occurred, I then realized this same thought has been occurring for my last umpteenth trips over 5 grams. The problem is I cannot remember this. One would think I could just record it in my tape recorder that I have next to me during each trip. However, the very real problem is it is clear that matter is such an obvious illusion that when I’m tripping I don’t think it has any relevance. It’s falls into the category as too irrelevant to cognize; it seems so obvious that only a fool would believe matter is real.

It’s like trying to remember a dream; the two states of consciousness seems to have their own sets of memories. In addition, tripping on five grams of mushrooms put me in an alternate state of consciousness, this also has it’s own set of memories, and some that they share. The tripping state has a memory: “I must stop tripping, this is agonizing.” Like I said earlier the challenge isn’t just having a tape recorder near-by, and simply pressing the record button.

Rather, while actually tripping, the concept of ‘recording something to tape, so that I can listen to it later is incomprehensible, and my waking sober life seems like a distant memory.

And now back to the actual trip. At some point within the next hour, I found myself completely consumed. The Mind of Jesussynchronicity experience reveals itself:
“Don’t surrender to Matter. Here is the Proof that matter is an illusion, Don’t fall for it……………..”

All the while turning my mind into It’s Mind of pure SYNCHRONICITY. The experience of all sounds currently happening in the room and also a presentation of my memories of the past three days are shown to be attempted messages from Jesus. The true interpretation of that phenomenon is everyone’s true identity is Jesus. The message is “This is what has and is really going on.” Everybody is actually me in disguise and I’m trying to always give messages to not fall for matter.” Each word that was seemingly trivial in English was altered and Jesus reveals its Real Meaning. These are the most mundane encounters that meant nothing to me or that I had given a thought about. When presented while tripping these are shown to be messages from Jesus.

I’ll give you a few examples: While at work one day, a fellow employee came over to me and said, “It looks like it might rain today.” Just a basic cliché, I would never give a second thought to this. In this tripping realm the reality of this situation was that it was Jesus who inhabited the person and that the real meaning of that message was hidden in the English but it had a secret hidden meaning.

On another occasion an Indian man at my work said “lets take a left here I think it’s located down this block.” Again this is just a random statement that meant nothing to me. But while in the midst of this trip, this is presented to me as an attempted communication from Jesus. Both of these examples sound quite trivial, and this is true. I am simply saying how it happens. The trip consists of the central concept that: What is really going on is that Jesus is all that exists. It is the true reality of the entire world as we know it. Something happened where we perceive ourselves as separate. The world of matter consciousness happened. The day of the trip I had passed my dad in the house and he made some kind of sarcastic comment; “Are you going to watch the Lynx game today?” This also had a hidden meaning, as revealed by this trip.

I’ll not continue with examples because as you can see on the surface they are mundane and trivial. I should say that this is large part of the 4 hour trip. While being presented with these attempts at communicating, I would think “How could I have been so stupid?, What could I possibly have been thinking?” It will go into a thorough examination of the sound of the English words, and clearly present the real meaning. It is clearly there right in front of me.
“Lynx” “Am I going to watch the Lynx?”

Obviously. I then continually conclude. “My God it’s so obvious it was always about Jesus. It was always just a part of my imagination. We were always with Jesus”
I was laying on my bed this entire trip. As I am experiencing this phenomenon, I want it to stop. The Jesusynchronicity entity was seemingly engaging in some sort of war in another dimension, which had happened before. It was moving along a grid it seemed. The constant urgent message: “Don’t fall for it, have nothing to do with matter.”

It seemed to have the feature of Jesus fighting wars and also making all opposition irrelevant by being love. I had the impression of it being like a lion in that it would release a wave of love, like a lion would let a roar, intensely like a navy seal attack and annihilate opposition. There was a notion that if the five senses where blended together it would perceive love and no longer be attentive to matter.

One of the issues during this trip was again the issue of I can thank Jesus, but ironically I had no choice. It was conveyed that I shouldn’t buy lottery tickets because that will confine one to matter.

This trip also had looping. When I loop I will attain a state of what I think is complete sobriety, and when the loop is at its closest location it will transform into absolute pure insanity. I should point out that I know where the loop is on its cycle around the sphere, so I know when it’s going to hit. As the loop gets closer the level of madness will increase and then it will come to a point where it peaks. When the loop hits, it is a barrage of thoughts speeding through my head at 700 miles per hour, and I make the observation when it’s over, “this is absolute madness; there is no logic, no system of filtering or organization.” Just thoughts, thousands of them hit within a few seconds, and you actually cognize each one. The cognition of each thought is the source of insanity.

This trip was only 1/8th ounce but I say it is the hardest I’ve ever tripped. In fact I actually urinated in my bed. I have never done this before on any of the thirty previous trips of 5 to 9 grams. I was in the state of mind of having not an iota of comprehension that I was still a human being and that I had pains in my abdomen to urinate. This trip also had the trait of physically shifting on my bed, moving rhythmically but feeling controlled by something.

I do recall it was the second part of the trip that there was a story that unfolded before me, of them Gnostic Christian mythology.

I could feel round balls bouncing towards me, which I understood as Divine Sparks. It was a random chance occurance I felt but it just happened to hit me. Once again I thought it was odd I was going to stay in my basement for eternity. Once again the phenomenon is that Jesus is the Logos, a shape in the Unconscious. A metaphor for this shape would be a disco ball in that it has many reflective individual sides. I get the impression that the shape slowly spins, but so slow as to be almost indiscernible.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 52679
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: May 9, 2006	Views: 43,172
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