Citation: Norton. "Ascension and Regression: An Experience with Mushrooms, Nitrous Oxide & Cannabis (exp54809)". Erowid.org. Feb 4, 2009. erowid.org/exp/54809
My roommate and I are experienced trippers. We've eaten mushrooms more times than either of us can recall, and we've both experimented with various other psychedelics. For the most part, my trips have been recreational, pretty colors, giggling fits, etc., with mild spiritual overtones. I partly attribute this to my lack of preparation. Eating a handful of mushrooms just because I have the night off and nothing else to do doesn't seem to facilitate a profound experience.
The most insightful trip I ever had was also the most well prepared. My roommate and I had just enough mushrooms for the both of us. She's a petite girl, and trips hard with a low dosage. I'm large and sturdy, and can easily handle a full eighth. She ended up eating 1.1 grams, while I had 3.8 grams, a bit more than an eighth. We're not totally sure the species of mushrooms we ate. I'm pretty sure the mix was mostly Penis Envy (hard to tell since they grow smaller with the PF Tek method), and probably the rest were the Thailand Koh Samui Super Strain. Hint to amateur mycologists: When experimenting with several species, label your jars and trays!
We wanted to make sure everything went perfectly. We decided on the day and location of our journey a week or so beforehand. We bought pot, and made sure to pack it in a bag along with a bowl, some drinks and snacks, and last but not least: Nitrous. We began our hour long drive to a public beach that no one else seems to know about. We downed our mushrooms in the car when we were about a half hour away from the beach. By the time we parked, the landscape had started shifting. The 10 minute walk to the beach was almost like walking across a mattress. Very bouncy. It was around 6 pm when we got to the beach. This was during late spring, so it was still daylight. I was feeling pretty nauseous, so we packed a bowl and relaxed on the sand. After 45 minutes or so, all nausea had disappeared.
The sun had not yet begun to set when we broke out the nitrous. We each had our own box of 10 cartridges. My roommate went first. After a few hits, she tried explaining the things she saw and heard with great difficulty. She was happy, and at the same time frustrated because it's so hard to put the experience into words. I'm going to take my best shot at explaining what happened when it was my turn. I took a few hits, and experienced a visual loop. I saw my roommate look at me, say something (I couldn't make it out), smile, then reach into the bag of food. Then I saw it happen again. And again. Over and over until I snapped myself out of it.
Her turn again. She lay back against a log with a look of sheer ecstasy.
I used the last of my hits. I was transported to another dimension. I could neither see, hear, nor feel. It became only my consciousness sitting in the midst of eternity. I suddenly understood everything about our universe. I learned ancient, mystical words for concepts that are currently unknown to humanity. Amazing concepts, the answers to every question ever asked, and every question yet to be asked. As I sat there in this nirvana, the only thing that connected me to our physical plane was the thought 'I need to remember these answers so I can tell everyone when I come back.' The frustration of nitrous is realizing that I can only achieve this complete understanding while I'm in that other plane. As I came back to reality, I felt the knowledge slip away from me. Sadly, the great answers cannot be spoken with the human tongue.
The sun began to set, and the wind grew chilly. We built a small fire to keep ourselves warm. The beautiful sunset became a beautiful night. There were very few clouds, just enough to add texture to the sky. The moon was so full and bright that it lit the beach in a silvery, almost-daylight. The stars twinkled and the whole sky shimmered in every color and pattern imaginable. Such a perfect night.
As we sat staring at the fire, a strange transformation came over us. Somehow, we regressed through millions of years of evolution and we became our ancient ancestors. This wasn't a visual hallucination - we still looked the same on the outside. But we had this unspoken, mutual understanding that we had become the first humans. We had no knowledge of technology. Our minds cleared of all trivial matters. Our only thoughts were those of pure existence and survival. While the nitrous was an amazing part of that night, I feel the regression we went though was an infinitely more valuable learning experience. Unfortunately, it's even harder to put into words. We were at a point in history before spoken language. It seems to me that language puts a limit to our scope of thoughts.
The fire slowly died. It was around 11 pm when we left the beach - roughly 5 hours after eating the mushrooms. I was still a bit disoriented, so my roommate drove me home in my truck. We came down nice and easy, and fell asleep before the wee hours of the morning. For the most part, I was relaxed, refreshed, and at peace. However, I couldn't shake this slight sense of frustration.
Months later, I'm still frustrated. I'm grateful that I had the chance to glimpse at the answers to everything, it's just well, I feel as if these things I've seen are so important. It brings much confusion, though. Maybe we're not supposed to understand the great mysteries of life yet. Perhaps it's a something that only fully manifests itself after death. Maybe I'm stepping into a territory I'm not worthy of. But, I feel so welcome there. And I'm going to keep visiting that place until I find a reason to stop. If you ever get there, please try your best to bring something back with you. Even if you feel no one will listen or care, share your experiences. Someone's listening.
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