Citation: Madvet. "Nirvana Revisited: An Experience with Syrian Rue & Mushrooms (exp56715)". Erowid.org. Oct 9, 2007. erowid.org/exp/56715
I'm writing this a few hours after my trip to recall the details as clearly as possible. I'd arranged to take a trip with a friend. Unfortunately, life crises intervened, and he canceled at the last minute. I was all prepared for a trip and keen to do it. I'd prepared Syrian Rue, and honeyed dried mushrooms. I was disappointed at the cancellation, but instead went to a friend's Beltane celebration party (We were in the Southern Hemisphere, and Beltane is a Spring festival). Also there, by bizarre coincidence was another friend who I had promised to trip with. When the party ran down, I took him to a mutual friend's house to trip.
At this point, I should say that I have done mushrooms many times, but Syrian Rue and mushrooms only once before, with Willy (not his real name!). That time, several years ago, I entered a real Nirvana. This time, with Willy and Ian, I should have just had a pleasant mushroom trip, always easy and smooth, and exploring a connection with Ian on his first mushroom trip. Stupidly, I decided to take the Syrian Rue I'd prepared. A big mistake to do this when stressed! I should have waited for a totally free weekend to de-stress first.
I took a rounded teaspoon of Syrian rue seeds (pre-ground) and about a teaspoon and a half of dried honeyed mushrooms (difficult to count, but about 15 caps of Psilocybe azurecens, a smallish woodchip species). Ian had the same amount of mushrooms but no Rue.
Syrian Rue seems to be a gatekeeper to Nirvana. Mushrooms allow me to glimpse it, but Rue shoots me into it fully. The downside is that to get there, I was forced to confront my own soul, warts and all. After maybe 40 minutes, the trip came on strongly. Soon it was a Bad Trip. I wanted to vomit out whatever I had left in my stomach but couldn't. I was there for the ride. I felt tired and desperately wanted to sleep, but couldn't. My mind went inwards, into recesses of my brain I couldn't reach normally. I faced my id, stress I hadn't realised I was holding. Negative emotions, anger, petty jealousies, character flaws, all laid out bare. I went outside to touch the Earth. Normally with mushrooms I would feel a deep connection with life, peaceful and beautiful. This time I felt the Earth rise up and pound me like a stormy sea, rejecting me. I felt anger, and reeled back inside. I had to face my flaws and accept them. Ian and Willy were there for me, but I had to wrestle my own demons.
Slowly, I accepted my faults and embraced them. Then it seemed, the mushroom magic came on at last. Not just magic, but an alternate universe, just slightly outside normal reality. A place where only love and joy exists, and it flowed through me strongly. I felt connected to the Earth, life, the Universe. I felt connected to the two men I was with, Ian particularly. I could see into his soul, and pass a little of what I was experiencing to him. He saw into my soul too, the joy that shone out. The universe was made of impossible, beautiful colours. Purples and turquoises, but impossibly vivid, colours that don't exist in the real world. Time passed slowly, five minutes stretched into an hour. The joy I felt made all the details of my life seem both totally irrelevant and amazingly profound at the same time. I shone like a beacon. Touch was the essence of pleasure, feeling every detail of Ian and Willy's skin, feeling power pass through my fingertips.
My thoughts were crystal clear. Nirvana.
I'd brought along a Mandala from Nepal, the Dalai Lama's Mandala design. It sat on a table lit by a candle. Looking at it draws me toward Nirvana at the centre, usually. I was in Nirvana, though, but Ian and Willy were satellites orbiting. The Mandala showed them a glimpse of the place I was, showed them the magic, and the wisdom of Buddhism, I think. They were captivated by joy. All told, I was in Nirvana two hours, or days (subjectively!). Then the inevitable fall from paradise to the everyday universe. Hard, slow. I wanted to sleep and couldn't. Time continued to pass slower than normally possible. Eventually, by mid-morning I was down, 12 hours after taking the mushrooms.
I feel a peace and deep happiness today, but it was hard! It'll be a long time before I mess with Syrian Rue again.
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