It's Erowid's September Support-a-thon
Help accurate drug info, drug checking, & archiving
with a small donation. $20+ donations matched!
Sole Soul-Searching
by Ajd
Citation:   Ajd. "Sole Soul-Searching: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp62263)". Feb 2, 2019.

3 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
Earlier this year, I learned that mushrooms where going around my area. I was intensely exited to hear this and really wanted to get some, as I had never tried them, but had experimented with various other drugs - mainly pot and alcohol, a long period of using dxm, a few different painkillers, adderall, 2ci, and two failed attempts at acid.

I was finally able to obtain them on a sunny Monday afternoon, and bought an eighth on my way to getting my nails done (hah). They were gold caps, and the bag was a good mix of stems of caps. I spent the next few hours debating when I should take them, since I was alone and had no set plans for the day - or any more money for gas, cigarettes, weed, etc.. and after I had weighed out the pros and cons of doing them on the spot, I just went for it.

Before I did, however, I spent quite a long time cleaning an organizing my room - for some reason I'm very apt to do that when I feel anxious about taking drugs, or other such situations. I happened to have 2 rich chocolate mini-cakes in my fridge, which I figured would mask the taste and smell well enough, so I crushed up half of the mushrooms (I only had an eighth, but seeing as it was my first time and I am pretty small, I decided to be cautious) and kneaded them into the first cake, then put the other back in the fridge. I am glad I didn't mix the rest in with the second cake because it took me a VERY LONG 15-20 minutes to consume the first one and it made me feel kind of nauseous. At the same time I drank 2 full glasses of orange juice, since vitamin c boosts the effects of psilocybin, and because that chocolate cake was becoming increasingly hard to get down.

When I was done with the cake I felt a little different, clearer, but I couldn't conclude if it was the mushrooms or just the anxiety factor. At this time, I started taking pictures of everything - myself, the left-over shrooms, my carpet... and I began drawing on my body (flowers, sun, etc) and changed into very psychedelic clothing - simply because I love looking like I'm tripping while I am. This was only the beginning of a series of body art and clothing changes, not to mention pictures. However, since it had been roughly 45 minutes and I wasn't feeling very much, and I knew the dose I took was relatively low, I decided to eat some more. However, this time I just picked up a handful and swallowed them with some o.j. I tasted them but it wasn't too bad.

At some point I had decided that it would be cool to watch Alice in Wonderland tripping, so I had put it on my vcr. I looked up at the screen from my bed and laughed my ass off at all the characters and the NONSENSE of it all... but strangely, it all made PERFECT SENSE to me, and I understood that movie better than ever - and I've watched it, almost religiously, since I was a baby. All of sudden, though, Alice began looking a bit fuzzy and the whole Tv screen was just.. off. So at that point, which was an hour after I had first started eating the mushrooms, I went into my bathroom, right down the hall. Oh-my-god. I don't think I've ever seen my pupils that big, and they were getting bigger! I mean, they've been extremely dilated many times before this, but even on high doses of dxm I don't think they were that large. I have blue eyes, but they were completely black! It was crazy, and I loved it. I'm not sure what I was doing in the bathroom, I think I was just staring into the mirror for 10 minutes.
Then, as I was staring at myself, and my huge eyeballs, nobody other than my mom decided to come upstairs - I got so paranoid. She never comes upstairs, I thought, what the hell could she possibly want/know?! I didn't want her to see me with my eyes all bugged out, seeing as she knows a bit about my drug excursions, and she would not be happy. But I let her into the bathroom, and tried to bury my face in a hanging towel. I have no clue what we talked about, but it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I was pleased that I could at least talk to my parents.

When she went to give me a hug, I kept my eye contact minimal and just held onto her, realizing she gave me LIFE, and the opportunity to experience these amazing things. I let go and followed her down the hall to my room, where the door was open and on the Tv screen was Alice In Wonderland.. 'oh no,' I thought, 'she'd going to know, because I'm watching this movie..' All she did was say 'aww you're watching this!?' and left. Phew! I survived my first human encounter! I don't think she even noticed the art all over my arms.

After that, the trip gets blurry, but I do know that Alice In Wonderland ended and the screen made that blurry, annoying visual so I took the movie out but left the Tv on the same channel, which is normally just random news and things. However, that evening (It was about 5 o clock) there was a stage performance of some woman with a harp, and things in the background I couldn't understand. But the woman just stood out to me and symbolized something I couldn't put my finger on - but the main thing that amazed me about it was that had played the harp when I was 5 and 6, so it seemed like an intense sign that this was on while I was under the influence of an enlightening drug like this. I was completely mesmerized by the program, but instead of watching the ugly Tv screen with all the blurriness I couldn't comprehend, I danced around my room, probably for a good half hour or so, but I'm really not sure. I always ended up coming back to one of my mirrors - there are two large ones in my room, and I would just stare at myself and touch my face. Later, this turned out to be a bit frightening as I attempted to peel my skin off. But at the time, I was having an absolute blast.. I rolled around on my floor and danced and sung and did yoga... it was just incredible how much better everything seemed. I remember at some point I was laying on my floor and looked over at the white wall, and there was a (non-existent) smudge that was moving up and down it, so I stared at it for 30 seconds then took a picture of it, which I looked at the next day and it was simply a blurry picture of my blank wall.

Somewhere around that time I wanted to heighten my trip even more and since I still had about a gram left, I just picked some up and ate them, dry. I felt very connected to nature. The rest were just sitting there and I didn't know what to do with them so I organized them by separated the caps from the stems, then ate the caps and left the rest of it there for later, or the next day, as I never wanted my trip to end.

After that, the experience becomes *extremely* fuzzy and I can't recall much of this time, but certain parts stick out.
I can't recall much of this time, but certain parts stick out.
I know that I started removing articles of clothing and eventually ended up being naked for a good hour or more of the trip, using my body as a canvas to draw and paint on. I finally decided to put clothes on, as I was set on leaving my house - I had been calling random people for an hour or so trying to get some one to pick me up, since I had become well aware that I was in my parents' house tripping on mushrooms. I even talked to a friend who wanted some, too, and when I told her who the dealer was, her and her friends knew who it was and she told me if she could get in contact with him, she would pick me since she'd be around my area. I was so excited by that, and genuinely amazed at the circumstances! The one thing was that I just could not decide what to wear out.... everything seemed too tame for my state, even the brightest clothes in my closet. I layered on 3 shirts and 2 skirts and various other articles of clothing, which only somewhat went together... but still, my outfit was just not unique enough! I then decided to mix it up with paint, colored powder, and markers, and it didn't exactly hit me that I was wearing very nice clothes - fabric was fabric to me, I might as well have been wearing a plain white t-shirt - and I probably should have been, seeing as I ended up ruining most of those clothes. With my righteous paint-markers in hand, I also began decorating my room with 'very profound' (or so I thought) sayings I kept coming up with.

Then, I ventured back into my bathroom, for who knows what, but I realized I had toxic, permanent substances all over my face and body - which didn't unnerve me very much at all, but I tried to get some of it out of my hair, to no prevail. While I was in there, I came up with a 2-word phrase that I just could not get out of my head, and I wanted to write it down so badly but had no marker or anything on me, so I began searching my bathroom for something to write with. What I found was a tube of thick lotion, which i squeezed out onto the sink counter, into an unrecognizable re-statement of my great mantra.

While by that point I had completely lost all sense of time, I believe was about 9 or 10 pm, and people were still calling me back. My friend had ended up getting mushrooms, but got lost with her friend who was driving and didn't have enough gas to pick me up. Another friend, though, was right in my town and could tell I needed to get out of my house, so being the good friends she is, told me she'd be there in a few minutes. Since I didn't know what a few minutes was, I just ran around upstairs anxiously, grabbing unnecessary objects and stuffing them into my over-sized bag, and then saw the pile of stems resting on my radio, so I picked them up and stuffed them into my coat pocket, thinking I would just carry them around - like gum.

When my friend and her boyfriend got to my house, it aroused my dogs, and my step-dad, who came to the bottom of the stairs to see if I was going out - as I had not confirmed my plans with either of my parents - and I simply said 'I'm just going to talk to someone, I'll be right back,' and rushed out the door past him. My friend and her boyfriend had gotten out of their car and came up to my house, which made me angry, and when they asked if I was okay, I got really upset and told them we had to leave, and ran to their car, which was really a 2-person truck. We all squeezed in, with me on my friend's lap, and I began telling her how fucked up everything was, even though it wasn't really, and told them we had to leave my house immediately. They were surprised - and I was surprised, and upset, that they didn't want to stay out and party with me. They told me they'd take me for a ride though, and we ended up just cruising through my town for 15 minutes... which was exhilarating, being in a car and with new surroundings, but I was beginning to come down from my trip and was very disappointed. When I got back to my house, I had been planning on staying up all night, and since I was going on a school trip to an out-of-state art museum the next day, I was planning on eating more in the morning. By this time though, my enthusiasm was dying and I realized I had very little of my bag left, so I just fell into bed and tried to get past the horrible headache I had acquired.

Eventually I fell asleep, and had to deal with the consequences of being sober and exhausted the entire next day. To make it worse, whenever someone would say something to me, it just made me confused and all I wanted to do was sit - or lie - down and rest. For a truly inspiring self-awareness trip, taking them while alone was not all that scary or horrible, but I won't do it again - I'd much rather be around friends, and have someone to talk to - because that's all I wanted to do for a good portion of my trip, and I learned that sometimes weird phone calls are not appreciated! Furthermore, the stems that I had stuffed into my pocket seemed to disintegrate - or I just lost them at some point - but there was only a bit of shake at the bottom of my pocket the next day. I still have that in my jacket pocket as a reminder of my psychedelic experience. :)

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 62263
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 2, 2019Views: 729
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download or analyze the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults