Time to Remember (Forget)
Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & P. mexicana, Syrian Rue & Hash
Citation:   Fabian. "Time to Remember (Forget): An Experience with Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens & P. mexicana, Syrian Rue & Hash (exp63212)". Erowid.org. Oct 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/63212

T+ 0:00
3.0 g oral Syrian Rue (seeds)
  T+ 0:45 1 oral Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (fresh)
  T+ 1:45 1 oral Mushrooms - P. mexicana (fresh)
  T+ 4:30 0.25 g oral Cannabis - Hash (powder / crystals)
  T+ 5:00   smoked Cannabis - Hash (powder / crystals)
Syrian Rue seeds 3gm
Mushrooms copelandia Amsterdam weight fresh
Mushrooms Aztec XTC Amsterdam weight fresh
Bubble gum hash ¼ gm eaten
Bubblegum hash smoked

The opportunity was a short visit to Amsterdam, just one evening before retuning to the US. For this trip I wanted to test some limits. Fortunately, between the smart shops and the coffee shops it is possible to put together a powerful cocktail of psychadelics.

18:30 T+0
First course. 3 grams of Syrian rue seeds on an empty stomach. Traveling light, I had no access to a grinder so I just ate them a pinch at a time crushing the seeds in my teeth. The taste was not too bad. This will be the first time mixing mushrooms with harmalin so careful attention to diet that day.

T+ :45
Second course, packet of fresh copelandia mushrooms chewed and held sublingually for 10 minutes. These are a strong variety that typically give a 4-6 hr trip. By now I am in my hotel room. This is going to be the scene for the next few hours. It is a small space, the bed takes up most of it. I have no sitter, never have. Once this starts I will be on my own. By staying in the single room it reduces the opportunity for outside events to intrude. My greatest concern on these trips is that there should be a fire in the hotel at the peak of the trip. I know that at times I would have great difficulty saving myself. This recognition always gives an edge to the commitment, there will be no going back from this point. I turn on the TV. One channel is showing a game from the US Tennis Open. I think it will be fun to watch this as I come up.

T + 1:15
No stomach problem but my skin is beginning to tingle. Santana Abraxus is playing on the PC as my body start vibrating. I give my self to mushroom space. Very soon the mushrooms will be in control.

T + 1:25
It is starting to get dark. I only have low lights on in the room. Tennis becomes impossible to watch. The complexity of each moment in space is too much to process. I turn the television off.

T+ 1:40
Last contemporaneous note “Deep, deep in this.'

[further notes based on notes made the next day]

T +1:45
Third course, second dose of fresh mushrooms. Another packet of Amsterdam’s finest in this case Aztec XTC a new variety for me. In volume these are larger than the copelandia, four big caps. I had planned to take them all at once but the effects are so strong I get them down one at a time chewed carefully, leaving the largest till last. It takes 30 minutes, all the time the visuals are getting more intense. Images come in waves. Each time I tell myself “I have mushrooms under my tongue”. I never fight the mushrooms. “Deeper and deeper” I say to myself. I remind myself that I wanted this, that I chose this.

T + 2:00 – 4:30
I have stripped off and am physically lying on the bed but mentally in mushroom space. It is a sequence of OEVs followed by CEV dreams. I feel I am lying on a hill looking out into this pixilated vibrating spaces. Rather I am part of the hill looking out. Because my trips are solitary I am free to explore the erotic aspects of psilocin. Masturbation is not necessary. The whole skin is extraordinarily sensitive. Actual ejaculation does not happen instead it is total body orgasms these produce copious quantities of pre-cum. For some reason the taste of this licked from fingers a wonderfully sensual feeling, triggers sexual images of great intensity: passionate embraces, mouth on vulva prick in cunt -- orgasm, orgasm.

For some reason my fascination with swearing returns. I always feel this is a mild version of Turette’s syndrome. There is a visceral pleasure from saying swear words, the way they form in the mouth, the roundness of the sound of fuck and cunt. I have an internal debate on which is the most pleasing word. Fuck. Cunt. Resolved, as usual, with cunt winning.

All this time I am lying on the bed, alternately sweating or shivering, except I can’t tell if it is shivering or really a deeper vibration. I am having difficulty maintaining boundaries. I have a fear that the difference between the inside, this room, and the rest of the world will disappear as if the walls would melt away. I give my self a mantra often repeated throughout this period “What is in the room stays in the room, what is outside stays outside”. By now I am talking to the mushrooms often using the words “we stay in the room”.

I am awed by this beautiful universe that has been created solely for me, or rather by me. It is amazing to think that when sober our brains construct such a self consistent representation of the world form our senses. Take a small quantity of chemicals, release floods of neurotransmitters and how wild and wonderful the world we build. I have to work at understanding I exist as an individual but usually I let the mushrooms rule. I accept my teachers. I let my mind roam, nothing is fixed I hold my hand up in front of my face. It becomes part of a pattern that extends into and through space.

Eventually the time comes to piss. This is always an event in a trip. The physical process of emptying the bladder reorganizes the patterns. The result, catharsis. I haul myself to the bathroom. It is dark but I find the toilet and sit down. Patience is required but the mechanism is not yet unlocked. Explosion, piss gushes out like Niagara and I leap into a different space

T + 4:30
Now it is time for Phase 2. The mushroom trip will go on for some time longer but I expect the visions to damp down and the anxiety to rise. With no one to talk to I plan to counter this by adding THC to the mix. Before starting the trip I have prepared a bowl of bubblegum hash, finely ground almost to a powder. But I want as strong a trip as possible so first I eat some hash. Not much, about ¼ gram, but enough to give a base tone. I expect it to be an hour for this to kick-in but in fact as soon as it is in my mouth the trip changes, heavier and more intense than ever. I am on the bed, the pipe is on the table three feet away, unreachable. I chew gently on the hash and swallow. The visuals have a different tone now, heavier, more earthy, but still psilocybin driven. I sink down and surface. Sometimes I drift for what feels like an age but turns out to be a few minutes.

T+ 5:00
The trip continues with the hash effects building. It is time for the pipe. It is good that I prepared the pipe because it is all I can do to light a match. I am sitting at a small table on the edge of the bed. I put the match to the pipe and draw in. I see no flame n the bowl and I have no idea if any smoke is going into my lungs. I keep on pulling. Now I feel some smoke I keep on pulling until my lungs are full. I hold my breath. Is all the hash gone? Should I light another match? I let my breath go.

The result is instantaneous. Any thought of relighting the bowl is gone. My vision narrows down to a single point. As I stand up the table ceases to be a table and becomes a vibration. I fall back on to the bed pole axed. The deepest most intense visions go on for 10-15 minutes. I do not know who or where I am. The room is there but only as part of a space continuous with me. I hold my hand up pointing at the ceiling it merges and becomes space. Breathing stops. I deal calmly with the multiple voices. Pathways open, thoughts run on. How long can this last? Reality is out there, outside this room, but in here is perfection, a true joy. Peace no, there is too much excitement, change, danger. But also balanced, edgy euphoric.

It must end. For one I have a flight in the morning, I have to get some rest. But the drugs won’t release me just yet. The pace is slower and more mellow but it is not until 3am (T+9:00) that I finally fall asleep. And my friends have one last surprise. Right at the end, out of nowhere, one last seizure grabs my body, a pelvic thrust that violently twists the whole body from toe to neck. And then the trip has gone.

The alarm wakes me at 8:00. I am hardly rested but my vision is normal. I stumble through my ablutions. It takes me an age to pack and I stagger out of the hotel at 9:30. That morning I stick to croissant and orange juice. They serve a cheese sandwich on the plane and I have some coffee in the afternoon. No flushing or headaches, the harmalin has been metabolized.

Overall this was my most intense trip but towards the end I could reflect upon it. Hugely enjoyable, almost terrifying. An unforgettable experience of which many of the details are unrecallable. Yet the thought also comes to me that it is not necessary for me to do this again soon.


1) The Syrian rue extended the intense period of the trip from 4 hours to 8. I was not sick.

2) There is no way to capture this experience. It has to be lived and enjoyed in the moment. I never fight the drugs, relaxing into them, letting go, being there. The experience of total fulfillment is real but afterwards there is only a shadow left to hang onto. Basically, short term memory sucks.

3) One attraction for me is the totality of the experience. Coitus is wonderful but for a man is so brief. Orgasm happens, life goes on. Psilocybin provides an experience that is as intense, that lasts for minutes at a time and for hours in total.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 63212
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 12, 2007Views: 21,861
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Syrian Rue (45), Mushrooms - Panaeolus cyanescens (185), Mushrooms - P. mexicana (193), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Alone (16), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)

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