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Death Therapy
Mushrooms
by Toadstool
Citation:   Toadstool. "Death Therapy: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp68217)". Erowid.org. Mar 26, 2020. erowid.org/exp/68217

 
DOSE:
9 g oral Mushrooms

BODY WEIGHT: 130 lb


I don’t quite know where I should start communicating an experience such as this, probably because I don’t fully understand the implications behind what I encountered. When in doubt, I find that setting and character development are two of the crucial points in which any good story is founded.

The setting, almost as important as the characters involved, is as follows. It is a gorgeous night on the outskirts of a large city in New Mexico. On a hill so large and vast, it is easy to see the lights of the city below stretch on like an ocean. The silhouette of the mountains in the distance stretch up towards the sky for 13,000 feet. It’s such a dark night, and it is always on nights like these that I wonder how I can see them. I think it is just because I know they are there, and their constant loom in the distance is the only thing that makes me feel like the ground is still beneath my feet. The faint red lights high atop the mountain blink there mechanical wonders to the world. The coyotes were howling, and as we felt the cold metal of the 1976 Westfalia Camper Van through our jeans, we watched the lights in the distance flicker like the reflection of the moon over a black lake.

The characters, a good friend of mine and I, knew what we were in for. We had done LSD on many different occasions, as well as many other hallucinogens, and both of us found mushrooms to be our favorites. We decided that there was something about the crisp autumn air that made this night the perfect night to experience what we had been talking about for a long time. We had always been curious about what effects an extremely high dose of Psilocybin would have on us, considering we were previously well versed in some incredibly interesting trips.

Both of us finalizing our decision to do the agreed dosage, we closed the doors to the old VW, pulled the shades, put on the tape recorder, took 9 grams each, and talked about what we needed out of life. Slowly the time began to dissolve, and I use this word specifically, as I could feel grains of sand falling from above, becoming entangled in my hair, my clothing, and I could feel it in the rough shag carpet, all the while hearing a distinct ticking sound. Dry Bones* and I, not even realizing we were still talking about our desires, needs, and specific spiritual wants, both stopped to listen to the ticking. It was a clock. It was a clock, and we were in a giant hour glass, sitting on the sands of time, desperately trying to shake the sand from our body, when it suddenly stopped. We sat on the sand for the longest time, talking about concepts now beyond my comprehension, basking in the sunlight given to us in place of the falling sand. We were basking in brotherhood, swimming in a sea of thoughts, feeling the world beneath us, above us, and all around us. We felt every person of the world, their cares, concerns, likes, and dislikes.
We felt every person of the world, their cares, concerns, likes, and dislikes.
We were the World.

“This must be how God feels.” Someone said it. But then the crashing realization came. We were not God. Who were we? Surely we were not Toad* and Dry Bones*. No, we left those identities far behind, because in this hour glass, the shining, ethereal labyrinth, what need had we for the vestiges of our former lives? Work, money, cars, it all meant nothing to us. How could it mean nothing? How could 18 years of the people we had made ourselves no longer matter? How could we think, feel, and believe things we had not even imagined before? Surely this newfound language had not come from inside us. Had it, we would have found it much sooner. No, this was something different.

“We’re dead, man. We’re dead. And I’ll be fine. Just stay tuned, man, stay with me. Stay with me, because I hear it gets cold, and I know you hate the cold, and you can wear my skin if the freeze-frames don’t keep you warm.” As fearful as we were of the cold, we soon realized death to be a most pleasant experience. We genuinely had believed we overdosed, that we had done too much for our minds to handle, and in an attempt to cope with the mass psychological strain, they shut off. Many of the revelations we came to cannot be shared, as they would most likely be trivial and nonsensical, but they have had a most profound effect on my life, and to this day, this amazing, unique, and beautiful day, I will write that in my memoirs as one of the smartest things I ever did.



Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 68217
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Mar 26, 2020Views: 470
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Mushrooms (39) : Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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