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Hello, You're a PLA-ANT!
by Tamie
Citation:   Tamie. "Hello, You're a PLA-ANT!: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp69885)". Erowid.org. Mar 31, 2016. erowid.org/exp/69885

2 oral Mushrooms (dried)


I don't have any experience in psychedelics, although I have smoked weed for about a year. My husband has a little more experience, having tried MDMA a few times in the past, along with weed and various other things.

A friend came over around noon and gave us some tall, dried out mushrooms. I ate a regular sized one and then smaller one, washing them down with some water. I was nervous as I had never ingested
pseudo-poison before and I can be a bit of a hypochondriac at times, and as I'm a small woman, I'm always concerned about over consuming.

Hubby ate 2 as well, then he went to go mop the kitchen. I was with our friend in the living room, talking, when I realized I was quite chatty. We decided to head outside, but first I had to go to the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet, I noticed the lines of the tiles shift in perspective, creating zigzag lines instead of straight ones, and the rug shifting slowly askew. I quickly got out of there to go outside because I figured the mushrooms would start taking hold soon.

On the way out, I grabbed my notebook and pen, so I could write about what was happening. I walked out to the fire pit, where our friend was poking around some ashes from a bonfire the night before. He said it looked like 'the remains of Mount Vesuvius', and I thought that tremendously insightful, so I wrote it down. I lay my notebook on the bench, not knowing that I would completely forget about it for the rest of the trip. I told my friend 'I need to go see my tree, he's dying.'

I went to go sit by my favorite tree, a very old pear tree who no longer bears fruit in the summer. I found it hard to walk - my legs were rubbery and losing strength, and I was feeling nauseous. I was losing control over my body and it was quite uncomfortable. I caught up with hubby, so I could inform him of my queasiness. He wasn't feeling much yet, but told me to try to throw up if it was bothering me that much. I tried, but no dice. I was so miserable, I told myself I wouldn't do any psychedelics again, because they just hurt your body. The only thing I could do to alleviate the poisoned feeling was to pick up a piece of bark, which was vivid and alive with a whole ecosystem. I watched a tiny bug make its way across the ravines and cliffs of the bark. I lay on the ground, mesmerized by the pulsing and breathing of the ever-weaving grass.
I lay on the ground, mesmerized by the pulsing and breathing of the ever-weaving grass.
The colors of the sprouting and dead grass (it's near the end of winter and things are just starting to slowly bud) are vivid, and the 5 feet in front of me is teeming with vibrancy and life. It was ridiculous to look up and out at the distance, there was so much going on right here in front of me.

At some point in being lost in this sea of ground, I totally forgot about my nausea. With some effort, I got up and moved around here and there, not far from my tree, when I saw hubby running and jumping around. Then he would stomp off animatedly and I would look at the grass again. It was getting harder and harder for me to walk, so I lay or sit down. I became very unaware of my legs or hands at all. But I was comfortable sitting or lying – which one I was doing and in what position was anybody's guess. Soon I felt like I was rolling around in the grass and it was amazing. I thought 'this must be what it's like to be a plant.' Hubby and friend came by and as I talked, his only response seemed to be a sing song-y 'of COURSE, because you're a PLA-ANT'. He had a green tint, as did our friend, who was marveling at his gecko skin. Hubby helped me up so we could walk over the driveway to the field. The dead corn stalks made incredible patterns, and we marveled as we walked, what seemed like some distance, but was actually just a few feet.

As I was walking, I realized that I couldn't feel my body at all, I was just a head in the clouds. It was almost as if I was flying over the ground, just like the happiest, most zen bird in the world. I felt at peace and completely content with life, as I flitted around I explained to hubby that we don't have to worry about our bodies because life happens and it goes on its own. We don't need to be concerned or try to force anything, because life is on autopilot. There wasn't a care in the world and everything was exactly, EXACTLY, how it should be. In fact, the material world was making less and less sense to me. The wind and the earth was very, very real, and very perfect. It was all I knew, and there was so little that needed comprehending, because everything was perfectly and precisely set in motion.

Hubby found a little red plastic cone, which I said was a gnome's cap, and we should really try to find the gnome it belongs too. He replied 'that's a lot happier than how I feel about it.' He was very pissed at this piece of plastic. and he stomped around carrying it. Sometimes he would be crying over this little red piece of plastic. I would hear the words 'plastic, bad' from time to time. And plastic WAS bad, very bad.

He lay down next to me and we marveled and laughed for a good while and our conversation would go something like this:

me: I can't move my legs, I'm so comfortable but I really have to pee
him: of course you can't, you're a PLANT. But just pee, nobody cares because plants pee wherever they are.

[But this having to pee was quite a dilemma, because the “people bathroom” was so far away, and I couldn't move. And I didn't want to pee my pants, although I considered it my only option several times.]

me: People have brains right?
him: yes, they have brains
me: and stomachs? And they eat food?
him: yes. Of course you wouldn't know this, you're a PLA-ANT!
me: and something called work, and there's something called money?
And that's a driveway and there's a thing called a day and a week?

I had no idea what any of these things meant, just that they existed, and I had to recite these things over and over or I would forget them, like trying to memorize facts for history class.

He got up to go talk to the plastic gnome's cap again. He was swinging his arms, and his face would contort into all manner of lively expressions. He couldn't stay around me too long - he explained that my gravity was too strong, and my plant-ness was overwhelming, and that it was fantastic but he wasn't a plant. I kept asking what he was, if he wasn't a plant like me. He said he was a monkey and that's why he loved to move and jump. He said I made everything around me look green. “Of course you would,” he reminded me, “because you're a PLA-ANT”.

At some point we went into the house. I don't remember getting up. I continued to recite words that I would remember, such as “room” “people” and “work” but by the time I had started to grasp a concept, I would shift my focus and it would all be lost again, so I would recite the words again trying to figure out where I was and what was going on. I was trying to figure out why people needed privacy, it seemed a bit of a luxury, and how lucky I was that I had a partner who was there to talk to, and would help me, and why was I so fortunate? And how lucky I was to have a room that we could go into! I explained that speech was the thread that tied everything together for “people.” Had I not been talking my entire trip, I may have lost 'people' words altogether, but now I realize perhaps I could have listened to the plants around me. But although hubby kept telling me that I was a plant, and I would say “why yes of course, it's patently obvious” I still didn't fully understand it.

Coming out of the trip was wavy, cyclical, and confusing, I would start to understand concepts like time, and that people couldn't lie down all the time or they would be considered “lazy”, but that's all I wanted to do – that's all I COULD do. Hello, I was a pla-ant!

But as my plant-ness wore off I was able to read the time on the clock: 5:15pm, and in a matter of minutes I was able to sit up, and get out of bed, and suddenly I was a “person” again. As we both came down, we went to take a shower together, and it was so wonderful and fun. It was certainly the best shower ever in the history of showers.

I was so tired, that after I slowly ate some homemade cole slaw, I went to bed and slept really hard until the next morning. Of course I would sleep deeply: I'm a pla-ant!

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 69885
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Mar 31, 2016Views: 5,604
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Mushrooms (39) : Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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