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Glad I Found My Way Home
Mushrooms - P. cubensis
by Josh
Citation:   Josh. "Glad I Found My Way Home: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp73361)". Erowid.org. Sep 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/73361

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
  T+ 1:00 2 g oral Mushrooms (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


I have taken small doses of mushrooms a few times in the past, but this time I decided that I wanted a more substantial experience. I took 1 gram at about 11pm and lay with my girlfriend watching the stars. She became tired and went to bed after an hour. I took another 2 grams and went for a walk. I set off at midnight alone on a rural county road. There is very little light pollution, the sky was clear and the moon was full. I couldn't have asked for better conditions.

At first I felt some minor dizzyness, probably as much from tiredness as from the mushrooms. I was walking easily, enjoying the feeling of floating and numbness in my legs. Every minute or so a car would cruise past on the highway a mile away and these sounds only added to my feeling of peace and seclusion.

Without any warning, a burst of static assaulted me. It was a sensation that reminded me of touching a live 110V wire.
Without any warning, a burst of static assaulted me. It was a sensation that reminded me of touching a live 110V wire.
For half a second, I was blinded and deafened by this burst. It made me stumble a bit.

After that first burst of static (these happen to me every time I eat mushrooms), the sky began to look very beautiful and I looked up as I walked. I began to run, which felt like flying. I couldn't feel my legs, but I could run as fast as ever and the wind rushing past my ears was exhilerating. When I started to lose my breath, I slowed to walk. I was approaching some irrigators in a corn field and I had to time it and run a bit more so that I wouldn't get sprayed.

I turned around at the end of the road and headed back home. After a minute, I took my shoes off and walked barefoot. After another minute, what the hell, I took my clothes off and walked naked for a half mile or so, while constantly checking behind me for approaching cars. It felt good to walk naked; I was cold when I began my walk but now I felt very comfortable.

After a few minutes I stepped on something sharp and picked my foot up to see if I was bleeding. Staring at my foot in the moonlight, colorful patterns emerged across my skin and tried to hypnotize me, but I couldn't see any injury. Speaking aloud to myself I said 'My foot, while awesome, is fine.' and this immediately seemed so funny that I collapsed in laughter. I laughed at what I'd said, then laughed at how hard I was laughing. I began to hyperventilate, and I kept it going intentionally when I realized what I was doing. I sat there, naked on the asphalt, at 2am, staring up at the full moon breathing as fast and as deep as I could. My back and chest began to tingle from oxygen deprivation.

I calmed down after a while and began to walk again. Staring up at the sky, I saw what looked like reindeer made of stars flying across the sky above me. They appeared slow moving, but I knew that was only because they were so far away. They must be enormous, and moving so fast, I thought. It was a very ominous, yet majestic sight.

At some point paranoia set in, and I knew I should be getting home. I couldn't remember for sure that I had eaten mushrooms, and wasn't convinced at this point that they were physically harmless. I entertained the thought that I had gone insane or was dying and had to resist the urge to call someone at home to come and get me (I had my cell phone with me). I felt that I was trapped in my mind, or in a fantasy world and that the only way to get out was either to find someone I knew and have them talk me out of it, or to kill myself. This latter thought scared the bejesus out of me and I called up my rational mind to talk myself out of it. It was almost as if I was watching the sober part of my mind try to convince the mushroomed part of my mind that there was no reason to think this way, but felt helpless to provide it with any kind of convincing argument. I felt real fear that I might be unable to stop myself from committing suicide. Every time I recognized my surroundings, I forced myself to walk toward home.

Even though I had lived on this (perfectly straight) road for over 10 years, I couldn't easily identify which direction led home. My intuitive sense of direction was lost and I had to rely strictly on memory of landmarks to guide me. Without much memory of the walk back, I found myself in my home, greeted by my dogs, who seemed a little unsure of how to react to me in my state (but that was just my impression).

Crawling into bed, I began to calm down and enjoy my state a lot more, although it wasn't unequivocally pleasant. I remember telling my girlfriend that I had almost just killed myself. After a few panicked questions, I reassured her enough that she went back to sleep. I started feeling strange delusions. I began to regard it as true that I was the only real person on Earth and that I was just waking up from a period of dreaming the memories of my life up to that point.
I began to regard it as true that I was the only real person on Earth and that I was just waking up from a period of dreaming the memories of my life up to that point.
I felt that I was in an in-between period of remembering my (up until now, real) life and that the things that I had done during that life were the only possible actions; that by doing them, I had defined the set of possibilities for the rest of my eternity. I lay in bed, remembering my life and waiting for the next phase of existence to begin, feeling relief at a chance to put the worries of this world behind me. I just lay there, smiling and waiting.

It was during this delusion that I fell asleep. I woke up feeling embarrassed at the ridiculous things I had said to my girlfriend, making her worry so I wouldn't feel so alone. I felt mentally drained during the day, but fondly remembering the better parts of my trip. I'll definitely eat mushrooms again, but probably not alone, and probably during the day.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 73361
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Sep 30, 2018Views: 1,032
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Difficult Experiences (5), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1), Alone (16)

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