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I Do Not Think I Was Mentally Ready
by Claire
Citation:   Claire. "I Do Not Think I Was Mentally Ready: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp75264)". Erowid.org. Mar 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/75264

  oral Mushrooms (dried)


The idea of taking magic mushrooms was not always an attractive idea to me. However after being with my friend while she was tripping on them I felt confident that I could enjoy the type of trip shrooms have to offer.

I ate the dry, dark mushrooms on a relatively empty stomach at about 11 pm. I drank some water to get the taste out of my mouth and also began to chew a piece of gum. Since I knew it was obviously a bad idea to trip on shrooms alone, I decided to walk to my friends house, she lives about 15 minutes away. It was a cool night in november, very nice weather. I arrived at my friends house, still sober and slightly disappointed by that fact. My other friend and her boyfriend were also there, which didn't bother me since we are all close friends. Since her young brother was not home, my friends and I stayed in his room for a while. I plopped onto the bottom bunk of his bunk bed and was chatting with my friend. Soon after, she started to whisper about something. I noticed that, for some reason she seemed to be whispering very very quietly. I began speaking louder, thinking it would make her speak up as well. At that point I knew I was being affected. My friends mom entered the room, and my friends, realizing that I was less than sober, helped me up to the attic, which is also my friends room.

Before I continue, it is important to note that my friends room is incredibly trippy, with psychedelic posters and art that she has made. There are also lava lamps and strange lighting fixtures.

My friends laid me out on the bed, where I immediately began to experience strong visual hallucinations. When my eyes were open I saw my friends who amazingly, had morphed into circus animals. My friend whose house I was at took the form of a tiger and my other female friend was an elephant. My male friend was undeniably Mount Rushmore, which, in my twisted shroom'ed up mind WAS an animal. I could understand literally nothing that they said to me. While looking at my friends poster with a small illustration of palm trees I took a visit to Jamaica. The fan in the room gave the illusion of a tropical breeze, as far as I was concerned. When I closed my eyes I saw an intense swirl of patterns moving towards a distant point. It is difficult to describe the parts of my trip that my eyes were closed for because they weren't anything that exists in the sober world. All the patterns appeared to be electric, neon lines that made shapes and moved to the beat of the heavy metal music my friend was playing. When I tried to touch the patterns I realized it was impossible to see my hands as long as my eyes were closed.

I had the most incredible revelations of what life is supposed to be, I understood what happens to you after you die. I figured out that 'you are always looking out from somewhere, your mind is always receiving information' and therefore you never really die. That made PERFECT SENSE at the time and yet was impossible to describe. God laughed along with me, for he knew I had gained a higher knowledge and we were together as one. I realized that everything I saw and felt was just particles colliding.

After my visions I noticed a plastic halloween costume, that of a gladiator, the chest armor piece at least. The costume was all the way across the room and after a bit of struggling, I made my way to the opposite corner of the room. I felt positively giddy and became distracted by the full length mirror that was near to me. I could see myself, though I did not understand what I was and neither did I care. I was more interested in the reflection of the room in the mirror. For a short while I became obsessed with finding the differences in the room and its reflection, like one of those games they have in magazines where you find the differences in two similar pictures. I was disappointed to find that everything seemed to be the same and took interest in the gladiator armor. I was pleased to find that there was also a helmet to match the chest piece. I put both on myself, though I now know that the helmet had been backwards at the time. I saw a beer near myself and after drinking it, felt increasingly braver, and felt truly like a gladiator. I somehow knew that the room I was in was actually a place where I was meant to hunt lions. Only one of my friends was in the room by this point. I began searching for lions in the room. There were none. I once again saw my setting as a sort of circus tent. Soon after this, I began to feel increasingly sick.

My other friend had left and I began feeling exceedingly alone and cold. I went back to the bed and hid under the covers. There was still screaming metal music playing in the background but I did not know how to make the computer stop playing music so I attempted to cover my head as well as I could. I was suddenly very, very afraid of the idea of life. I found no reason to live, no matter how hard I thought about it. On a side note, it is also important to know that I sometimes get violent, painful migraines and I was having one during my shroom trip. The shrooms seemed only to magnify my pounding headache.
I sometimes get violent, painful migraines and I was having one during my shroom trip. The shrooms seemed only to magnify my pounding headache.
I pleaded to God to make me feel better, but he had turned his back on me. I also felt the need to apologize to my mother, for she always warned me about not doing drugs. At this point my first friend came back, and realized I was upset. I explained to her that I felt life was meaningless and that I didn't think she was my real friend. I told her that I really just wanted to jump out her window and didn't see any reason not to. I didn't see any reason to not just kill people. I also asked her to bring me a knife so I could kill myself, I wasn't able to get up and find it on my own. She obviously denied me the knife and tried to tell me life was going to be ok. I cried and pulled at my hair and felt completely horrible. I cried to God again to let me feel better, I promised him I'd do anything, anything to just feel better, I wanted to die. I wanted to call my mother, which my friend did not let me do (Thank God). She offered me some weed to smoke, but I really felt like it would not help me.

It had been about 5 hours since the mushrooms had begun to effect me and by that point I was ready to be done with the trip. It was 4 am and I wanted to sleep which is impossible on shrooms. I ripped some of my friends posters off the wall out of anger. My other friend and her boyfriend came back upstairs, realizing I was very upset, and since they were both pretty drunk, they both immediately passed out on the bed. I did not like the fact that I did not have the whole bed to myself anymore. I began to have angry feelings towards my female friend who was now asleep next to her boyfriend. I shook her a bit saying 'S****, are you awake????' although it was obvious she was passed out. I smacked her face. She did not wake up. Her boyfriend was still half awake and I took the liberty of sharing my earlier revelations with him. He laughed at me and I was angry at him for it. I've never liked him as much since that moment. I tried to meditate by breathing slowly and smoothly. I began to feel better after this, although I was still physically ill. My head hurt, I had a stomach ache and I was very warm as well.

I tried to relax in the bed for awhile, but it was positively sickening because there were 3 other people in the bed and I already felt over heated. I began feeling more sober and therefore increasingly better. It was about 5:30 in the morning and I decided to go home. It was clear that my friends just wanted to sleep and I was restless. I gathered my things and began the walk home through the small suburban town where I live. It was almost sunrise and everything was beautiful. I encountered a herd of deer, and got somewhat close to one of them. I felt connected to them and their eyes told me a story that would be impossible to relate through words. So as not to scare the deer, I continued on my way. Although my walk home from this girls house usually takes me about 15 minutes, I didn't get home for another half hour. When I arrived in my room, the sun was already rising and I had difficulty sleeping again. I fell asleep at about 7 in the morning and had a dreamless sleep. My mom came into my room at about 10 30 to wake me up. At this point I had a sickening stomach ache and told her I needed more sleep. I slept through most of the day.

Looking back at this experience is both positive and negative for me and I feel the need to explain a few factors of my story.

First of all, I would not necessarily consider this a bad trip. I think I probably felt the most alone and scared during this trip as I ever have in my life. I think maybe feeling so afraid is an experience that I needed to face at the time. I tend to hold alot of emotions in and never really addressed some of those issues until this intense, life changing trip.
I tend to hold alot of emotions in and never really addressed some of those issues until this intense, life changing trip.
The first half of my trip was truly a revelation and also, quite fun.

Second, I would like to note that this trip I had on magic mushrooms was the first trip I had ever had. Before, I had only smoked marijuana, drank alcohol, and smoked cigarettes. I do not think I was mentally ready for the intensity I experienced.

Thirdly, I was very mad at my friends for the way they treated me during my trip. Being alone was what set off my entire negative thought process and at one point, when my friends boyfriend began laughing at me (when I was crying), I felt even worse. I also think I should have tripped outdoors because my love of nature would have been comforting and relaxing, my friends room is somewhat cramped and the temperature control is always funky.

I was younger, less experienced (drug wise) and I was not in an optimal location.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 75264
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Mar 27, 2021Views: 245
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Mushrooms (39) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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