Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis
Citation: Ganja Glory. "Discovering the Engimas of Life: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Cannabis (exp75808)". Erowid.org. Aug 21, 2010. erowid.org/exp/75808
I am writing this trip report to help remember and share my first psychedelic trip on mushrooms that occurred today. Before I start, I will give a brief personal history of my past drug uses and a brief description of myself and mindset at the time. I’m a frequent marijuana smoker for almost two years now, well experienced with alcohol, DXM a few times with second to third plateaus, Salvia roughly five times, Morning Glory once, various prescription pills, and of course caffeine and nicotine. I have been deeply interested in the “traditional” psychedelics such as mushrooms, LSD, DMT, etc. ever since I first discovered the amazing ability of marijuana to change your perception, and have read many, many trip reports regarding them including bits and pieces of books. Past experiences were interesting, especially Salvia and Morning glory, but none were as powerful and meaningful as this trip had been today.
I am 18 years old, and a senior in high school. I consider myself a very logical thinker, and am a believer that the earth’s natural compounds found in nature, such as mushrooms, are teachers born here to open up different areas and consciousnesses of are brain that we are unaware of. Upon hearing of an opportunity to purchase some legit mushrooms I immediately picked up an eighth. Previously, I have tried shrooms twice with little or no results, so hearing a friend at school tell me how he tripped hard off half an eighth of the same source made me extremely excited to finally have my mind opened to a new level.
I was planning to skip school the day after getting the mushies, but instead there happened to be a snowfall that day, canceling school. Perfect, I thought, no school AND I get to see what it’s like to be tripping during a quiet, tranquil snowfall. I was originally planning to eat the entire eighth myself, but one of my closest friends, ‘A’, eagerly decided to join me as my partner upon asking him. He only previously had experience with marijuana and alcohol, never experiencing a psychedelic.
The morning of the trip I woke up very early, 5:45 a.m. upon hearing the school’s automated voicemail telling us how we have no school. I was too eager to fall back asleep. Excepting ‘A’ to back down at the last moment, or not being able to come due to his mom, I was propelled into a fantastic mood of anticipation and wonder when he told me he was coming over at around 7:30 that morning.
To prepare for the trip, I cleaned up my room for a comfortable environment, set up two areas in my room with papers and pencils just in case we wanted to get creative with drawings, put on some Led Zeppelin, and got out Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall” DVD. I also had purchased a bag of high-quality ganja, as I’ve read how it helps takes the edge of the coming-up and boost the intensity of the peak.
Upon ‘A’s arrival, we immediately got down to each munching down roughly 1.75g of presumed P. Cubenis mushrooms, washing it down with a glass of orange juice. The only food I had eaten was a half a bowl of raisin bran with milk, about two and a half hours before ingestion. The taste of the shrooms was similar to the last two times of eating them, not too bad, just an odd sort of sweet aftertaste. ‘A’ actually enjoyed them quite a bit, with the exception of the caps, which I agreed that they were pretty disgusting.
After ingestion, we decided to each smoke a bowl out of my bong of some fine herb to help relax before the trip came on. Having recently cut down my marijuana habit I was very stoned after one bowl of the weed, and so was my friend. We then began to watch Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall” DVD. The movie was very interesting, but too dark. After about a half an hour of watching it, I began to get some bad vibes from the movie, trying to concentrate more on the music. This helped, but the scenes of the movie were too dark and violent for the tripping I thought. At the forty minute mark, we both agreed we were starting to feel pretty ‘weird’ as the mental effects began creeping in. We decided we should smoke again, turned off the DVD, and put on some Led Zeppelin. This is when the trip really started.
My green walled, pink ceiling room began to get very bright and vivid. The reds were very deep, almost purplish, looking very trippy against the lime green walls. As the trip began I felt my mind slowly being expanding into new directions that I was previously unaware of. ‘A’ and I kept getting distracted and intrigued by random thoughts and fell into a few fits of uncontrollable laughter. Both of us were wearing hats, and they looked abnormally large on our heads, as if our bodies were small, elongated mushroom stems hanging from our mushroom capped hats. We laughed at how we wear hats, and that’s when my first of many odd thoughts occurred. It seemed funny and crazy how we wear hats as if they are apart of whom we are.
After getting distracted by random new, exciting thoughts I was having, I managed to roll a nice joint. This part also stands out because when I tried rolling it, I used my typical method; table rolling. However, this felt ‘uncomfortable’. When I tried rolling it with just my fingers, which I almost never do, it came out perfect and felt unusually natural. I was amazed at this difference, and felt that my primal human instincts were kicking in as if my mind was slowly transforming into the animalistic human mind.
Smoking the joint was very enjoyable, and again, I began to slowly feel my sense of self, the ego, slip away into new thoughts that were never available. Once we smoked the joint, the trip kicked in full force. My memory from hear on out got blurry, and time became meaningless. The visuals were intense, as the objects in my room looked like they were flowing in and out over and over again, with very clear and precise lines on the edges of all the surfaces. I remember looking at a few of my trippy artwork on the wall, and noticed that whenever I would focus and zoom in on something, it was as if it was magnified by ten fold, revealing to me every fine detail of the picture. This was amazing, especially when I looked out the window to the ‘outside’ world.
Upon looking outside, ‘A’ and I were mystified and ecstatic about what this unknown world outside was like, however, when asking him to venture out, he seemed uncomfortable and a bit scared to go out there because of the very cold weather. Instead we ventured into the living room, where I truly began to ‘mushroomize’ I will call it. I characterize this part of the trip as ‘mushroomiz’ing’ because I had a very gut instinct and sensation that I was a mushroom grounded to the earth. I felt very natural, as if I was more a plant, rather than a human. This sensation continued throughout most of the rest of the trip, and I remember repeating the phrase to myself “whoa I’m a mushroom”. Also at this point, I was able to experience intense closed-eyed visuals of floating, colorful, geometric patterns and spheres. I will not get into details of these vivid pictures, but I explored them numerous times when closing my eyes on the trip.
After some time in the living room, we finally decided it was time to explore the outside world. Tripping very hard at this time, peaking, we went outside. Seeing this world instantly warped my mind into the mindset of childhood. I felt like a worm, coming out of the dirt for the first time, amazed at the beauty and wonder of this new world. The feeling was the intensely liberating, and I felt that I was truly freeing my mind from restrains for the first time. This continued as we went to my backyard, until we stood on a wooden bridge over a stream.
At this moment, I experienced the most blissful, most connected and understanding feeling I have ever experienced. I have often read about the infamous psychedelic feeling of “becoming one with the universe”. This is exactly what occurred. I felt as if every single thing there was to know in the universe was flooded into my mind all at once. I leaned over the bridge and felt like a starfish naturally falling onto a rock. I honestly cannot put this sensation into words of feeling truly understanding how the world is, and how we are just animals on this planet, similar to any other creature or plant. Every single human and plant consciousnesses, the earth, every inanimate object and molecule was one singular meaning and that is how everything is and always will be.
‘A’ and I could only communicate in short, mumbling, non-sensual phrases; however, we both deeply sensed each other feeling this same exact blissful understanding. My thoughts were racing at impossible speeds, conceiving everything there is to know about life. I remember thinking “Everything is one, this is what it truly feels like to be ‘alive’, I can’t believe I have never seen the world how it really is, every individual moment can never be repeated or truly understood and shared to each other, our own individual realities are all there is to us individually as if we each have our own movie that can never be repeated. As I watched the cars go by on the street, another insight occurred. I had a stricken feeling of awe and sadness for everyone else on the planet who could not understood what it was like to truly ‘be alive’ at that moment, while they all are constantly “doing something”, “waiting for something”, watching every moment of their life pass by while never really being aware of this sensation of just ‘being’. I was saddened, but felt blessed that I was granted this knowledge and indescribable peace of mind of just knowing ‘I exist’.
At this point, I completely lost my ego, and couldn’t comprehend that that big yellow house behind me was “my house”. How could we claim material objects as ‘ours’. They belong to everything, how greedy it was for us to try to put our names to things. I distinctly remember ‘A’ saying something how “God has blessed us with this life”, then I immediately replied, “Is there even a God”? We were struck in awe at this amazing question; I realized that there wasn’t a God and that we just simply exist with no purpose.
This is when the trip began to mind-fuck me real hard. I had the realization that this entire life is just a video game, just like the matrix, and that because I finally understood everything as one, then what is the purpose in anything? “What is the purpose of school? What is the purpose of work? What is the purpose of anything?!?!” I asked ‘A’. With every question and answer came more questions and it was a never ending loop of questions to my existence. We just looked at each other in wide-eyes as if we were seeing the world as it is for the first time. Looking up at the sky produced amazing visuals, and can clearly remember the way the trees looked so alive even without leaves, and how they branches kept extending in and out above me, as if they were about to fall over onto me. I also had the distinct feeling that I was the main character in the movie “I am Legend”, that I was the only person on the planet, despite being next to my friend.
As we went into the house, the feeling of loneliness began to intensify by knowing all of this new information. My mind began to play tricks on me. I began feeling extremely depressed, and I felt my trip going into very negative vibes, as I felt like a lonely mushroom attached to a planet with the knowledge of everything, but with nothing to do. Every time I thought of an idea of something to do, it was smashed away with the realization that there was no point because everything has already been done, and all everything is just a repeating cycle moments. I felt like there was no point in being alive anymore because everything was already done and said, life is just a never-ending plane of existing. Time was meaningless at this point, and I kept repeating to ‘A’, “I feel like I have to do something, but I don’t know what.”
Everything I said, felt like I had already said it. However, it felt very comfortable to just lay down on ‘the bed’ and close my eyes and just accept this lonely existence as how it is. Being inside my house did not feel like; my house’, but just ‘a house’. The loss of ego made it impossible to understand the concept of ownership.
At this point I want to throw in another random, but amazing occurrence, when I began to play with this spinny-magnetic toy on the top of my desk. Upon looking at it, I got the sensation of the way I viewed toys as a young child, how they were so intriguing and interesting as if I were five years old. It was as if my mind receded to this age of the way I viewed this object.
I began to become aware that my bad vibes were getting worse, and were most likely affecting ‘A’ in a negative way. Then the paranoid thoughts began. This was when it went from “bad” to “can’t get out of this thought pattern-bad”. For some reason the thought appeared in my head that ‘A’ was secretly gay, and that he thought I was gay. In real life, ‘A’ is not gay in any way, has a girlfriend, as I am not either, so this came off as very scary and odd, however my brain accepted this as the truth at the moment. I began to feel that everything he said was somehow a secret, sexual innuendo and it made me extremely nervous and uncomfortable. I also found this very odd because, normally even if I know someone is a homosexual, I in no way feel uncomfortable unless they try to hit on me. I was too scared to communicate this to ‘A’ for some reason and got angry at him when he sucked air out of my bong as a joke and laughed, thinking it was some kind of secret sexual joke. I felt very ashamed of thinking this of one of my closest friends, but I couldn’t fight off the feeling nor control these intensely paranoid thoughts. All I could think about during this time was an instinctively feeling of curling up in a ball in my bed and falling asleep to awaken back to the normal, comfortable reality I once knew. I wanted this trip to end so badly, to be back to normal reality.
At this point I became aware that my negative vibes were definitely setting ‘A’ off into a bad trip also, and he thought that I was angry at him with by the way I was acting. I felt very bad for affecting him this way, especially when I know that he’s one of my best friends and that I would never think of him that way normally, but the drug convinced me that he was this distant ‘person’ who was definitely not my friend at this time. Whatever he said sounded really ‘weird’ as if his voice was a character from Beavis and Butthead. I tried to change my mood through change of scenery by going into the other room and changing the music to light-hearted music, but nothing could change these negative thoughts. The only option I had was to ask ‘A’ to leave, before I freaked out.
Also during this time the beautiful visuals I as getting earlier, began getting darker and uglier. My room was warping in and out at a diagonal angle and the green and pink colors were making me nauseous. The dark, cloudy weather outside, began to look very dreary and depressing. I was also noticing auditory hallucination, hearing odd songs and sounds coming from the top of my head. Right when ‘A’ left I curled up in a ball in my bed, trying to sleep so I could get out of this bad trip. I thought about taking a shower, jumped out of bed, got to the bathroom, and then ran back into my room curling back into a ball in my bed. After about an hour or two of delusional thinking which I do not remember much of, very confused, I finally got up to pick up the phone when my step-mom called. Hearing her familiar voice, helped lift my spirits up, finally ending the bad trip. However, I still felt very ‘different’ and could not get over what had just occurred. My mind was overloaded with new information, and just wanted to tell someone about my experience to help process it all.
Throughout the rest of the day, I was contemplating over the experience of how I could have experienced such blissful amazing feelings and insights, while then at the blink of an eye, falling into the trickery of my mind.
This mushroom trip has really taught me a lot and opened up my mind to new understandings I previously have known about but never truly conceived with my own mind. I literally feel like that my mind has been expanded and opened new doors, and that I now understand the feeling of oneness in our universe, and am sure that one day after death I will be back to that completely liberating flowing in the pool of everything in one all-knowing consciousness/entity.
Also, I cannot stop thinking about the concept of ego. I am now more aware that everyone is lost in their own narrow-minded tunnel of life, constantly thinking about our self, feeding our super-egos to make ‘who we are’, when really we are all one in some purposeless “game”. All day I have been zoning out, and just observing the way my brother, cousin, and step-mom are, unaware of the way they are living in their own worlds, just like all of us, constantly complaining about our self and trying to get others to understand us when really they cannot. No one can truly understand each other, our movies are independent. It saddens me that everyone has not experienced this unique way of seeing this, knowing that so many humans will live their lives without truly recognizing this truth.
I have also come to the conclusion that the most enjoyable thing in life are personal connections, and how interesting it is that by “attaching ourselves” to certain people we could view them completely differently than anyone else could, and hence ‘love’ them. This concept simply amazes me now, and makes me miss the love of my previous relationships, making me appreciate the love from my parents that I never really take the time to appreciate.
This trip has left me with a profoundly different perception on life, and I am thankful for that, despite the bad parts of the trip. My goal of stretching my mind beyond our normal, closed realities was definitely a success, and I look forward in further exploration of my mind and understanding of this mysterious existence that I am blessed with though future psychedelic experiences. I hope by others reading this, it will help open their minds to the notion that despite society’s moralistic view on these natural ‘drugs’, that they can be seen as natural, ancient teachers exiting here to enhance and enlighten our individual human experiences which we call ‘life’.
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