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Dealing With the Pain in My Own Way
Mushrooms
by KareBear
Citation:   KareBear. "Dealing With the Pain in My Own Way: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp80058)". Erowid.org. Apr 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/80058

 
DOSE:
3.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 190 lb


I’ll give you a brief description of my life at the time I first tried shrooms. I was 19 years old, was suppose to walk with my high school class at graduation that day but decided to skip the ceremony. My mother had kicked me out of the house just after Thanksgiving (my mother is crazy fyi) and I had been living on my own, working part-time and finishing my last year of high school with an honor student’s curriculum up till that point. I had ended a 3 year relationship with my high school sweetheart because we just weren’t good for each other anymore; I had grown up too fast cause of living on my own and he was still a kid.

Before I got kicked out I was what most people call a “goody” I never drank, had never tried drugs (not even pot) I didn’t sneak out and I got good grades. Once on my own I decided to let loose a little bit, started drinking lightly and tried pot. I liked it and I smoked regularly for the rest of the school year. I was in and out of relationships; Marines, Sailors, College boys, and Full Time guys.

I found a guy, call him Protektor… and we had been seeing each other for awhile. It was a few days after my b-day and after I had tried E (which was fun). His friend had shrooms, my boy had done them before but just zoned but he wanted to try them again and I was curious. So I bought a ¼ and split it between the two of us. He sat there playing a Ninja video game on xBox360. I watched him for awhile but then I started to feel the effects, I got really warm and it was already hot out so I decided to go outside on the deck where one of our friends was already mucking. Him and I talked a little about how beautiful the area was, especially the sky. The world just felt good for the first time in a long time for me.
The world just felt good for the first time in a long time for me.
I looked out at the horizon and watched the sky change color. My friend had a huge smile on his face as he watched me, eventually I started missing my boyfriend so I went inside. He wasn’t feeling it yet and was still playing his game (which I couldn’t watch I kept getting sucked into the TV screen…. very scary lol). I had him finish the shrooms I didn’t eat so he’d be mucking with me. I went back inside cause I was too hot to be inside.

I didn’t get nauseous at all and I just felt alive and amazing. In fact I felt beautiful myself. My bf eventually came outside and was very touchy which was nice because I wanted to be held, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of his world. He was hugging me from behind and I was leaning on him, he whispered in my ear how beautiful I was to him and it felt like his words lit a million fires in my heart. He coaxed me inside, wanted me to look at the popcorn ceiling…. Lol it was so cool it was moving around and changing all these cool colors, you know when you go to theme parks and you get those huge suckers that are twirled all sorts of rainbow colors? Well that’s what my visuals were like, all twisted and soft and vibrant. I looked down at my boyfriend and he was looking at me, his whole face turned Technicolor and I had never seen anything so handsome before (he’s a very good looking man). He was just the center of my world and it was good. We sat together an talked for awhile, I let him know how sad I had been earlier, cause I skipped graduation because my mother and my entire family had abandoned me so I knew it would have been a miserable experience. He told me it didn’t matter cause I was there with him and happy. We snuggled for awhile and everything just felt in place and happy.

Eventually he went off to work (he works nights) and I was still mucking (it lasts forever, talk about bang for your buck!) and I sat out on the porch by myself looking at the lights and the stars, feeling the cool breeze tickle my skin. I started to cry and I let everything out that I had kept in… the anger and hurt my mother and family caused, how much I missed my baby sister, the pain from my breakup with my hs sweetheart, fear of the future, the new love I’d found with Protektor…. It all came rushing out and it was the most intense feeling of relief and self discovery, I cried for a good hour on my own sorting thru my life. Then went to my bf's room, laid down and slept. I woke up to my bf kissing me and getting into bed with me. Holding me and I knew that everything was going to be okay.

I don’t attribute that whole night to the magic mushrooms but I have to admit they let me touch the beauty in myself that I had locked away. I haven’t done them since but they are my favorite and I plan to again one day.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 80058
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 19 
Published: Apr 15, 2020Views: 403
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Mushrooms (39) : Glowing Experiences (4), Relationships (44), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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