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Worst Experience of My Life, but Worth It
Mushrooms
by MarkV
Citation:   MarkV. "Worst Experience of My Life, but Worth It: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp80957)". Erowid.org. Dec 25, 2020. erowid.org/exp/80957

 
DOSE:
2.5 - 3 g oral Mushrooms (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 155 lb


This was my second time taking mushrooms. The first time I took them was about a month or more prior to this experience, I took 2 grams with 4 friends and 2 babysitters and had a great time just sitting in my friends house, observing the surroundings. This time, we decided to go to a gorgeous park we had found a few towns over from ours. It was 3:00pm, there were 5 of us, no babysitters, and we started driving towards the spot. I ate my shrooms in the car and drank some orange juice.

It took about 15-20 minutes for me to start feeling the smaller effects of the shrooms (body high, slightly distorted visuals, etc.). We walked for about 15 minutes, maybe less, then came upon a spot to sit. We all sat down, and the trip set in even more. The ground was moving, colors were more vibrant, the earth was amazing and more intriguing than ever before, the usual mushroom experience. At about 3:45, it all went downhill. The extreme visuals were still there, but strange emotions started to creep up on me, ones I have never felt before and I really cant fully describe. I felt intense fear, I felt alone, lost, despair, sadness, disoriented, regret, shame, loneliness, forgotten, hated, meaningless, paranoid, pretty much every negative emotion one could feel, I did. My heart was racing, I felt very anxious and nervous. I started pacing around, trying to find somewhere to get comfortable and enjoy my trip, but there was no where. I felt cold, though it was 80 degrees out. I was terrified of people, even the friends I was tripping with. I was afraid to listen to music, I was afraid to move, I was afraid to talk or smile, I was afraid of pretty much everything. I asked my girlfriend (who was also tripping) several times to hug me, just so I could feel something I'm use to, some kind of warmth or loving embrace, but it never helped. I wanted to be alone and sit by myself, but whenever I did, I was overcome with loneliness and rushed back to my friends. They were all having a great time, laughing, joking and enjoying their trip.

While I was in my own personal hell, I kept repeating to myself 'this must be hell, this is what hell is like, if you can get through this your stronger than you ever knew'. I knew it was just a bad trip, so I knew it would be over soon, but I still couldn't shake these emotions. I checked my watch probably a thousand times, trying to calculate the hours left and how long its been, but I could not count. I spent all of the bad trip grinding my teeth, breathing heavily, pacing, going insane, counting the seconds, minutes, hours. I remember thinking of everything I had in my life, friends, family, girlfriend, places I usually hangout, and little things that usually don't matter. I was thinking about how grateful and lucky I am to have all these people/things. I'm not extremely experienced with drugs, but I've been taking them long enough to be able to snap out of it and remember that its not real, its just the effects of the drug, relax and it'll pass with time. But this time it was hard to wake up and remember what was going on. I would go through a few minutes of 'alright, your fine this is just a bad trip, power through it', then probably 15 minutes of complete hell and agony and anguish.
I would go through a few minutes of 'alright, your fine this is just a bad trip, power through it', then probably 15 minutes of complete hell and agony and anguish.
All I can really compare it to, would be waking up on a raft in the middle of the ocean, and all the incredibly negative and crippling emotions that would come along with that. The sadness, confusion, despair, anguish, fear, etc. etc.

This continued for about 2 hours, but it felt like 12. I cant fully describe what I felt, but, I was sure I was in hell, I thought about how dying would be a sweet release from the emotions I was feeling. Then, when I started to come down, I felt amazing. Happy, grateful, fortunate, loving, reborn even. Prior to this trip I had been in a terrible head-state for years, depressed, angry, irritated, which had reached a climax in the past months. I was skeptical about tripping this time, because I wasn't in a good mental state, but I did them anyways, hoping it might help. After this experience, it all ceased (not completely) and I'm a very very different person. 2.5-3 grams of mushrooms and a walk in the woods changed me as a person, and I'd do it again. It revealed me to myself, and revealed to me the things I should be grateful for. I view the world differently, I view people and my surroundings differently, I use my third eye. When I got home, strangely enough, I hugged my mom, which I haven't done in years. I've spent the past few years trying to find happiness and acceptance with life, whether it be therapy, hobbies, jobs, loved ones, significant others, although they've all helped, a few hours on shrooms did the trick. I'm not the same guy I use to be, and oddly enough, I have an intensely terrible trip to thank for it. All in all, drugs, good or bad, can help someone in amazing ways, it was by far the worst experience of my life, but with the best outcome, and I'm so glad it happened.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 80957
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 22 
Published: Dec 25, 2020Views: 512
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Mushrooms (39) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Health Benefits (32), Bad Trips (6)

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