Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Psychopsilocybin. "First Time Down the Rabbit Hole: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp81583)". Erowid.org. Nov 26, 2010. erowid.org/exp/81583
A little bit of background
Before this trip, the only drugs I had ever done were lots of pot, DXM, alcohol, some speed, and that’s about it.
One day I asked my brother about shrooms, and he gave me some of background to them (he knows quite a bit about psychedelics, having done a large amount of them, several times). I was generally interested, but a bit worried about a bad trip, but I eventually got over that.
Personally, I’m a generally positive person, occasionally paranoid, but that’s about it. I’m interested in psychedelics and their effects, and that was essentially why I wanted to trip. I think to myself a lot, and I understood shrooms influence people to think about important things, and question the nature of things, which interested me. I was also interested in how shrooms might affect my perspective and my creative expression (I like to draw, a lot). I tend to reflect upon myself a lot, so I was expecting some sort of Introspective experience. As well as that, I was curious as to what insight I could possibly gain from shrooming.
My friend B and I had been searching for about a week for mushrooms sometime around April, and were unlucky in finding any. It was unexpected somewhat the day that the trip would occur, because my other friend C abruptly confronted me about buying any mushrooms, and I hadn’t planned much of anything at all. Of course I said why the hell not, and bought an 1/8 of gold caps (Psilocybin Cubensis) on Friday.
The events leading up to the trip itself were not what you’d call enjoyable, having a bland day, lame weather, anxiety about tripping, and a bloody nose (Which I never have had before). By the end of the day, the shitty weather had cleared up mostly, and I was planning to go to my friend B’s apartment to meet with a few friends to trip. I got an eighth, which I was going to split with my friend B.
I got home and presented my findings to my brother, who gave me a few tips about the trip, and what to expect. My brother knows what he’s talking about very well, and he warned that I could have a bad trip. He explained that I’d be thinking in loops, and that a bad trip isn’t always completely horrible, it’s mainly dependant on whether the tripper can handle their mind and reactions to the trip well. He also warned me to do it sober for my first time, because otherwise the trip could go a lot worse.
Of course I got a little anxious at that point, but I forgot about that. He split the eighth into two bags, one for me, and one for B. He also told me to bring a few pens and a note pad, saying that I’m going to want to draw. So he drove me to B’s place, and put on some reggae band called GDB, which I thought was pretty good, and as result I calmed down a bit.
I’ll first begin with the intake of the mushrooms, and then with separate sections of my trip experience. I did not know remotely what to actually expect, just the typical symbolic explanation of the effects, but the overall trip was beautiful, with literally no negative periods whatsoever, aside from some anxiety.
-unsure of what to expect
Upon arriving at B’s, he immediately prepared the shrooms on two peanut butter sandwiches, and wanted to begin right away. I of course had second thoughts, and was trying to slow him down. My friends M, F, and his sister A were there too.
We waited till 4:20 (yeah, I know, lame) and then proceeded to walk down a path in the woods out back that lead to B’s weed plant, as some kind of lame celebration of us shrooming. While walking down the path, I began to become apprehensive and I told myself that I had no idea what I was doing, but regardless I said fuck it, and took a massive bite out of the sandwich. I was expecting some kind of disgusting/weird taste, but instead the taste was covered by the peanut butter.
By the time we got there, B had swallowed down his entire sandwich, and I was about halfway done, taking my time. It was about ten minutes later when we got to B’s plant. My friends M and F wanted at least a bite so they wouldn’t feel completely left out, and I thought to myself, why the hell not, and handed them the sandwich.
M and F took two big bites, and I was distracted with the rising waves of anxiety and excitement of the trip. I began to laugh a bit and my friend B was already giggling like he was high. I turned and remembered the sandwich, and ate the last few portions, which contained a large cap.
A minute or so after eating the remaining part of the sandwich, I began to laugh uncontrollably, creating an uproar of laughter between the whole group of people. As I continued to laugh, in my mind I was thinking “what am I getting myself into,” and felt anxious for a few seconds, but forgot about the whole deal quickly.
(20-30 minutes into trip)
-brightness/sharpness in vision
After walking back from the plant, we walked out onto a small neighborhood road, and I remember the beauty in the surroundings, everything seemed to glimmer and look more defined, and I felt euphoric and a bit giggly. When we came out from the woodsy area and onto the road, the road itself looked very clear, and very smooth. The bluish hue of the tar was definitely more noticeable. The sunlight casting out from the tall trees around the neighborhood was much brighter, and seemed a lot more interesting. My friend B, in my mind, had already lost it, and was off laughing like mad in his own world. I know for a fact he had hit the defined beginning of his trip, because he was laughing at EVERYTHING.
On the walk back, for a few moments, I felt a strange difference in my “inner dialogue”, my thought pattern felt a bit different, I could tell something was different.
As we arrived back to B’s apartment and went into his room, my friend M advised we play Ravi Shankar, an Indian instrumentalist. The music was fantastic, and it seemed so appropriate for the moment. B was dancing around the room; his movement seemed to perfectly fit the music. I felt constant rising feelings of euphoria.
I sat on B’s bed for a few seconds, considering whether to draw or not. I had a feeling of the fear of getting into something I couldn’t handle creeping up my entire body again, and I couldn’t distract myself from the thought. I walked down stairs by myself, and shook the thought off. I grabbed by notepad. Upon arriving back into his room, M suggested we walk somewhere. I made sure I had my Ipod and my speakers, and we took off. I completely forgot about my notepad that I had just brought up into B’s room.
(40 minutes into the trip)
-slight change in visual surroundings
-different thought patterns
We left B’s apartment, and began the walk that would lead to the town’s public reservoir/dam area, a nice place to walk due to the woods and paths and such. Once we left the parking lot of B’s apartment, we began to walk down the neighborhood road that leads to the entrance to the dam. The first, distinctly noticeable effects had set in, as a sense of overwhelming amazement crept up, along with a few other very noticeable effects.
Aside from the amazement, I felt a strange sense of welcoming towards my environment, as I enjoyed and allowed everything around me. I noted that my mentality had remained the same, aside from the laughing; I was completely in control of everything. This opposes my abilities under the influence of weed, where as I can hardly maintain not acting like a complete idiot.
This was completely different; I could maintain such great and beautiful conversations with my entire group, about simple things like how nice the weather was, the color of this house and that, the leaves on the ground or in the hundreds of trees. I was still giggling, hardly paying attention, but still recognizing, the differences that were happening all around me. I distinctly remember looking at one house to my left, and insisting to everyone that it was shrinking, and growing. It seemed like if I concentrated hard enough, the house would shift and shrink towards a size that appeared as if I could jump over it, but then I would lose focus and it would seem to suddenly within a second grow ten times in size.
I decided to put on my Ipod, and listen to Shpongle. The beginning of the first song on the album opens with a narrator, speaking of “a circular vortex, spinning like this..” The song was the perfect beginning to my trip, and put me in such a great mood. I felt overwhelmed, but completely open and relaxed with my surroundings. B and I would stop and look at each flower, which seemed to hold so much beauty and detail.
With every flower, I noticed a simple, yet amazing beauty that I felt I never realized before. At one point, B picked one flower, and a small fly crawled upon his finger and sat there. We were both amazed that it didn’t fly away, and we watched it for a few minutes.
I knew that it was a little stupid to get worked up about, but I didn’t care too much either. I held my finger up to it and it crawled on to me as well. After a while of watching it on my finger, I set it back on the flower and B set that down somewhere. I had the sudden impulse to run, and we all started running. It freaked out my friend F, and he shouted for us to stop, so we did so. I felt bad for him and explained I didn’t mean to freak him out.
I also noticed that the small bite of the sandwich had a bit of an effect on M and F at this point, and we held some kind of conversation about that, and how incredible it was that a mere defense mechanism, a poison, in a mushroom had such a profound and positive effect on our minds. M and F said they both felt very relaxed.
I thought deeply about the mushroom, and the nature of its existence. I felt great respect for the mushroom, as if I should thank it. I questioned the very existence of the psilocybin “poison”, and thought about how this opportunity of experiencing a whole new world happened by pure chance of life and creation. I continued to break down the idea of the mushroom and its survival and life, and I was and still am very thankful for the one in a million chance of this experience becoming possibly.
After we got to the end of the road, where a path forms that leads to a gigantic hill, these effects had set in much stronger. EVERYTHING was visually amazing, and looking up at the hill towards the wide-open sky was one of the most beautiful things I had seen in a very long time. I can only describe it as something you would see in some beautiful nature photo, everything was picture perfect, I felt incredibly connected to nature. Once we reached the top, the massive lake that outstretches the entire area was almost too much to look at.
(60-90 minutes into the trip)
-much more euphoric
-unaware of any possible annoyances in body or mind
-dream like feeling
*I separate this part of the trip because all senses intensified greatly, and there were some changes in the trip.
As I sat down and stared at the rippling, waving lake, the ground and the trees that stretched out towards the horizon were as well. Faint outlines rippled around the shape of the lake’s edges, grass and trees ebbed and rippled with the current. As I continued to stare, I couldn’t differentiate the texture of the trees from the ripples of the waves within the lake, and it seemed like both were blended together. I felt total oneness with my surroundings now, and I couldn’t keep from smiling. I decided to separate myself, not so much physically, but conversationally wise, from A, M, and F, for the time being.
*I have to note that in this part of the trip, I believe it to be the beginning of the peak. I hardly even establish much thought outside of processing and registering my surroundings. I just did whatever.
My mentality is that of a child; I question and break down everything but at the same time I completely accept everything around me. It sounds strange, but I no longer differentiated what I was experiencing from anything, nor related it to anything else. I simply, and only lived for and experienced the specific moment that was occurring.
I sat down with B and told him to look at the water, and he replied saying something like “the grass, holy shit, look at the grass! The grass is stretching and moving, it looks alive.” I was amazed because I thought he was bullshitting me, but I noticed a somewhat “throbbing” movement in the ground. I didn’t pay attention to this for long. “It’s exactly like Fear and Loathing, like the carpet design, it looks like it’s moving.” He continued to say.
He got up and ran over not too far from me, but I hardly noticed. I remembered that Shpongle had been playing all this time. M was telling F how he was feeling completely relaxed, and he began to meditate.
The surrounding trees, flowers, grass, just the general environment, felt as if it was one welcoming being, completely open to me, and I felt incredible respect and empathy towards my surroundings
One thought seemed to remain in my head, and that was about how I felt I should’ve ate the entire sandwich so I could see what B was seeing, but after thinking this, I would quickly conclude that that would be unfair to M and F, and that it was the right thing to do. But the jealously would arise again, and the same conclusion as well. It was a thought loop, my brother had warned me about that. After about ten minutes of dwelling on this same thought, it passed. I wasn’t necessarily upset, just irritated and unsure.
I couldn’t concentrate on M and F’s conversations for too long, although. I stood up and looked down the hill we climbed up. To my surprise, the distant trees and bushes seemed surreal, extremely vivid and far away. I could not get over this, and as the second Shpongle song heightened, so did my emotions, and I felt incredibly satisfied and relaxed. This was pure ecstasy for me. If I concentrated hard enough, I could notice a slight waving pattern relative to the trees, but I didn’t pay attention to this for long.
I vividly remember two very tall trees apart from all the others, and how they stretched over the rest of the lower landscape. Between them I felt a vast amount of space, and the more I looked at the two trees, the larger of a world I felt I was in. I felt that down below was an enormous field, and these two towering trees were stretching high into the sky.
Before I knew it, I found myself walking the dam path, which leads into somewhat open woods. The appearance of my surroundings, of the grass, the dirt, and the thick trees, I felt resembled a vivid dream. Everything was still itself, yet very vivid. I stopped at a stump, and noticed the bark pattern on the outside of the stump. It seemed to consist of paper mache, and as if each bark segment was shifting. Not moving, but changing shape quickly like in a stop-animation film or something similar to that. I focused on the stump for a long time.
I began to run, like a child, with B, around several trees within the woods and giggling as well. I hardly cared or acknowledged M, F, or A, at this point. I hardly thought about anything in fact, just enjoyed myself. I did know that B and I were making complete fools out of ourselves in front of the other people who may be here, due to it being a public area, but at this point none of that even mattered.
A woman was running with her three Golden Retrievers behind, and she quickly passed us. B and I shared the mutual thought of retaining a “normal attitude”, but the thought of that, and how stupid it was, made both of us laugh ridiculously. I remember watching the dogs run by, and rather than them moving, it seemed as though their stationary form stretched beyond B and I. We both shared in the same experience of the strange image in one way or another, and began laughing even more.
We continued to walk down the path, which was now more woodsy and secluded. One of us remarked how nice and calm the water looked, and being the impulsive one he was, B just waded into the water, and got his shoes soaked, but hardly even noticed. We all laughed about it.
Afterwards, we walked a bit more, and decided to return to B’s. There was some conversation during the whole time, but it’s hard to remember it because I was so distracted from all of it.
(2 hours into the trip)
-Much more relaxed
-Strange body high
-Much more thinking
We returned from the woodsy path up to the more open, top of the hill area of the path, and started to walk back down the hill and onto the neighborhood road. A, M, and F went down as me and B got distracted by the water. The thought of not eating the whole sandwich popped into my head again, and was hard to forget about for about half of the walk back. I had no answer to my problem, and kept on dwelling on it.
As B and I walked down the path, we noticed that the now distant rest of the group looked very small and far away, when in reality they were only about twenty-thirty feet away. We both laughed about this for a while. I closed my eyes briefly, and noticed I had some decently powerful, waving closed-eye visuals. As we walked onto the road, we both laughed obnoxiously once again, well aware of the surrounding people. We didn’t care.
When we got back to B’s, we all immediately went to his room, and played music again. This time, it was much more interesting. B put on Tool, something like Third Eye or Rosetta Stoned, which were incredibly amazing at the time. I had forgotten completely about my music, and put my I pod somewhere. My expensive headphones were essentially broken, but it didn’t concern me really.
I remembered my drawing pad, and grabbed it and started to draw, but I was distracted by all my previous drawings. I was more interested in them than I had ever been before, and scribbled random phrases and words on several of them. I wrote all over Bs bed with a sharpie, he didn’t care too much. I began to draw, but was too distracted with all my other drawings. It was hard to focus on much, so I sat back and relaxed.
The music was very intense, and I had a strange sort of body high by this point, and I felt very comfortable. I thought about several things for what felt like hours, and to my amazement, it was only about 6:20 or so when I looked at the clock. I thought about how much I had previously worried about tripping, and about how much less there is to worry now then when off of mushrooms. I felt so comfortable with myself and my friends.
There wasn’t much talking, we all sat still and enjoyed the music. I noticed that the color of B’s room was very surreal, glowing and beautiful. I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I stepped outside into the black hallway, I nearly forgot who I was, and felt lost for a few seconds. I then went into the bathroom, and noticed the walls were slowly shifting in every direction, but still stationary. I stared at myself in the mirror, and saw my pupils were very dilated.
I kept drawing and scribbling when I got back, and suddenly lost focus on the music. It had changed to Hendrix or something. I kept worrying about getting sharpie on my shirt, and would check every few seconds. I would randomly get distracted and roll around or dance to the music, and suddenly worry about the sharpie again. I noticed I had gotten a mark on my shirt at one point, and for a few seconds, became very upset. I sort of half-flipped out (got up, nervously walked around B’s room) but then sat down and got distracted again.
Then we all left B’s place again, and went on another walk, but this time into town, with B’s guitar and my drawing pad.
(3 hours into the trip)
-Slightly more controllable
-Rapid thought process
*Around now was the relative come down from the trip, as I was no longer peaking, but I was still certainly tripping
As we left B’s apartment complex and went out into the more-townish area, I was worried suddenly that we might get in trouble or something bad might happen with B and I walking around with a guitar and a drawing pad. I kept thinking this, and telling the group about how it was a bad idea. B told me there was nothing to worry about, and I thought a minute and discovered how pathetic it was to even be slightly worried. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what we’re doing, I felt, what we’re doing with a guitar and a drawing pad is only our business, and no one else should be concerned.
We were all in such a great mood, and we weren’t worried about making that obvious, in fact, we waved to most of the cars that drove past us, including a cop car, and said hello with anyone who passed my. By this time, I was thinking constantly and rapidly about my behavior and about human behavior and interaction, and could not keep from breaking down every small aspect of communication, such as a simple hello. I thought about the same thing constantly, until I lost focus. I realized that my thought process was very rapid and different from usual.
We walked all over town, not doing anything in particular aside from enjoying the day. At one point B and I decided to call our friend S, who doesn’t do any drugs whatsoever. I don’t really know why we did, but we did. We talked for about ten minutes about how amazing we felt, while on the other line S was muttering nonsense and trying to make us laugh. After hanging up, I got another phone call, which was from my mom.
This was probably the only part during the entire trip that I was freaked out about, due to the fact that my mom was not happy. She had told me a day earlier that she did not want me going to B’s, which I had completely forgot about. It was extremely hard to focus and act normal without going off topic or laughing. I told her I was sleeping over, and she asked me if B’s mom was okay with it. I hesitated, then lied and said yes. She didn’t believe of course, but said to call her later. I said okay, and began a sentence quickly, but stopped myself from sounding stupid and hung up. For a few minutes, I was worried she would find out I was tripping, and would come to pick me up soon. The thought passed eventually.
Time is hard to remember at this point, as well as basically the rest of the time spent around downtown. I know it was somewhere between late six-ish to eight. We ended up walking down the train station train tracks, which were somewhat secluded, but it was a long walk to the station, which was very enjoyable. We all talked for quite a while about how amazing this day was, how B’s sister had a great time just being around us, how smooth the trip was, and several other things. I was thinking so many different thoughts at the same time, and when I attempted to explain myself, I got distracted and felt I couldn’t. When we finally got to the train station (which felt like it was literally a two minute walk), we rested in one of the large parking lots and talked.
F said that he would have to leave, so we all said goodbye and felt bad that he had to go. We decided to walk with him for a bit just because.
(4-8 hours into the trip)
-Sense of clarity
-Satisfaction with my surroundings
*One of the greatest parts during the entire trip was the comedown, which lasted from 7-9 o’ clock. While sitting and talking at the train station, I felt such a great sense of calmness and clarity with both myself, and the world around me. Both in body and mind, I felt completely rejuvenated. I felt so much more satisfaction in just sitting and talking with friends, and enjoying the beautiful weather (which lasted for several weeks after). My mom called again, and I remembered that I had forgotten to call. She was extremely pissed, having found out I was not actually sleeping over, but I was in such a great mood I merely accepted it and agreed it was really stupid of me. She told me I was grounded, and by now, that didn’t matter much.
B called his mom and she yelled at him as well, but he hung up not wanting to deal with it. We all walked back, and by now it was almost completely dark out. When I was almost at B’s, I called my mom to tell her to pick me up. When I got there, M left to go home, and B and I relaxed. He was still slightly higher than I was by that time, but we both were coming down. I was not worried the least bit about my mom being pissed.
Once in the car, I relaxed and apologized to my mom. Afterwards, I put in Morning View, by Incubus, which was the PERFECT music for the time. It was very relaxing, mellow music that made the comedown even better. Once home, I relaxed, and enjoyed myself. I felt incredibly safety and security, as well as overwhelming happiness and acceptance.
*Overall, this trip was absolutely amazing. It was the perfect first trip, and I enjoyed everything about it. It left me with revitalization in both my life and my relationship with friends and family. The beginning of the trip to the end was very smooth, with little to no problems or worries whatsoever. I overcame by apprehensive thoughts and paranoia about tripping, and hope desperately to trip again, and see where it goes from there.
As far as artistic influence, I could hardly concentrate on drawing, but after the trip I drew much more often, and the product was much more creative. I did think quite a bit about everything in my life during the trip, but sometimes it was hard to focus or concentrate, or even remember lots of things I discovered and thought about.
As far as introspection goes, I learned I was lacking much animation or interest in lost of events in my life, and I gave myself the ability to notice, and be grateful for several things I never had before. I realized as well that I had much to learn about myself, and about tripping, and that I should continue in doing so to better know myself, and understand/integrate these experiences.
But this was the ideal first trip, and I hope to trip again, soon.
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