DOSE:

3 g

oral

Tabernanthe iboga

(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

One week and one day later, I can write about this.
There is SO much to convey, to report, I won't be able to share it all.
Layers upon layers upon layers of experiences, that continue to this moment
in calm and profound ways. I did the right thing.

I began preparations a week before, cutting out meats, focusing on things
I wanted to change in my life, intentionally introspective and self aware
to the best of my ability. All this time, I had the feeling that Iboga was
aware of me. I'll say this once, then just let it go: I'm reporting some
things that won't jibe with consensus reality. Nevertheless, they are real.
Think what you will.

The day before I was going to take the Ibogaine, I ate only vegetables, and had
my last cigarette in the evening. I'd been sober off alcohol for about,
well, 4 weeks? I spent time in the jacuzzi,
relaxing and focusing, praying and meditating. I invited Iboga in
intentionally during a meditation. Interestingly, I felt acceptance, and my
visualization was intense. Felt like it wasn't self generated at all, and
included splitting me open at the middle (solar plexus? xyphoid process to
pubis?). I sealed and sent my intention with the energy generated by
orgasm, then with some trepidation, went to bed.

The next morning at 9am, I took a test dose of TA extract. I tolerated
this well and took a flood dose carefuly calculated for my height, weight,
gender and length of sobriety. This did not take me where I needed to go,
and so over time, in 300-400mg increments, I made it up to over 3 grams of
extract. Apparently I was a hard nut to crack. Two other people I have
spoken with used the same product and found it very potent, so that wasn't
the issue. (Wish I had boosters, though!!! Damn!).

At around 3?4? in the afternoon, I looked in the mirror across from the
bed and saw some people peeking around the corner of it-from the inside- to
check if I was ready. I called for a giant mouthful of plain yogurt, I was
craving it like mad, lay down, and went on a journey. :)

I threw up only twice, shortly after that, quickly and painlessly. I
suffered no prolonged nausea and no dry heaves.

My BP was strong the entire time, not much fluctuation from my normal
100/70. My pulse stayed at an average 56 beats. I was so incredibly
relaxed. Of course there were visuals. So many visuals I could not possibly
tell you all of them, as time was very different as well. I can tell you it
began with an eye, that saw me. A sense of myself having waited, maybe as
if in a queue, and I was finally seen, addressed. It was my turn.

I was matter of factly and sometimes with humor shown many, many things
about Beverly, and about the world. Much of my thinking was realigned, and
many old wounds were cleaned out. I also know very strongly that I will
take this journey again, that Iboga has more for me, and I for Iboga,
though I realize how presumptuous that sounds. I did indeed communicate
with my dead elders, remember that was one of my early questions? I also
think that my 20 some odd year history with meditation and visualization
and traditional magics were a boon, as was having been fairly sober except
for marijuana and a couple days of recreational darvocet for some weeks.
I also did Not want to be disturbed during the experience, and maybe came
across as bitchy in conveying that (sorry, dear husband!lol). I cried a few
times during, but it seemed that as soon as the emotion made it to my
mouth, I was onto healing the next thing.

I came around the next morning full of light. Or maybe just so clean
inside that my light was visible. If I didn't have a witness, it would be
almost hard to believe that my skin actually glowed. Light from within, I
was luminous. I was enamored of my hands, so pretty and soft, though I
didn't look in a mirror for three days. I didn't think of it.

I again went to the jacuzzi. I was able to sit lotus without a thought in
my head, not a thought! for ten minutes. This is actually amazing, lol. I
was and am so calm. I did not want a cigarette, a drink, nothing. I was
free of all wants, really. A perfectly lovely place to be.

My ovarian cysts have shrunk to the point of being no longer palpable.
This is down from 9cm and visible when I lay on my back. I no longer need
surgery for the moment. My surgery was scheduled for 9/14. :)

I then dined on a brilliant plate of fruits. In little teeny tiny bites,
lol. Everything tasted divine. Interestingly, for most of my life I have
disliked fruit. Now, I've been to three farmer's markets in one week
because I can't get enough. I proceeded that same day to read 'The Easy Way
to Quit Smoking' (thanks to the wonderful human here who brought that to my
attention) and finished it. I've wanted a cigarette a couple times since,
but mostly out of boredom and when it's a habit (afetr eating, etc) nothing
I can't acknowledge away. :) I am not finding alcohol to be an issue any
longer. I'm not even thinking about it.

I made roast chicken and braised squash on the next night, with a simple
risotto. I needed a splash of wine for the risotto. The rest of the bottle
is still sitting in my house. It is a non-issue.

I also must say that emotions bubbled up after, and still are, but not in
the same way. For the first few days they came like puke or diarrhea. Not
that it was gross, but definitely was a purge, and there was NO stopping
it!!! Lol, walking down the street, getting sad about not seeing my beloved
grandmother one last time before she passed. Looking desperately for an
alley or hidey hole, because, man, I'm going to sob! After each cry,
though, I just felt bigger inside. Wider, more expansive. I now fully
inhabit my skin.

I can breathe into my feet, my breathe moves in me.

Also, in the past I have been buffeted by other people's emotions, I pick
up on them like a sponge, often to my detriment and confusion. This is
amazingly under control now. I am less porous, less...vulnerable? Yeah, but
less porous seems more accurate. I have not lost the ability to connect,
but it's a choice, and I can see whose emotions are whose. This is such an
unexpected gift, but just one of many.

I also look much younger, according to husband and dear friends. My face
feels so relaxed. There is less pain on it, to be sure.

I also am confirmed in needing to escape this darned day job! (In time, in
time)

There is so much more, but this is a decent brief.

I see many things clearly now, and am confirmed in my thinking on many
others.

I know I will be working with Iboga in some capacity, I have no idea how,
but I am confident about it. I did the right thing.

My very heartfelt thanks to Iboga, the place it grew, the hands that
harvested, the entities that got it from there to me, my husband for
sitting with me and everyone who has contributed to the movement.

Particular thanks to the individuals who have taken the time to talk with
me privately, and opened their hearts to me, giving me the gifts of their
time and attention.

It is my hope to be able to give back at least as much as I have been
given.

I am a different woman, or maybe just more profoundly and completely the
woman I've always been. ;)

Love and rockets,
Tia

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 81800
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: May 27, 2010	Views: 9,958
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Tabernanthe iboga (200) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)