Citation: Isaac. "I Have Been Humbled: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp81854)". Erowid.org. Sep 16, 2018. erowid.org/exp/81854
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
This is my documentation on what happened September 19, 2009. It started off with me waking up, excited about the coming day. The night before, a friend and I scored 23g of mushrooms off a very good friend of mine. I was just waiting for a call to go pick them up. At about 4 pm, my friend gave me a call, so I headed on over there. I got there and we just hung out a bit. We left about 5:30 pm and met up with another friend of mine who was also going to share this experience with us. We met up and went back to my house so that we could start the trip. When we got back, it was me, R, Asia, and a sober friend just kind of hanging around, just in case anything went wrong. At some point later in the night, one of my best friends, M, also came over.
I would like to now say what my intentions for this trip were. I wanted to experience something completely mind blowing, something mystical. I wanted to focus my attention on my theories and beliefs, to show myself that I am heading in the right direction with my ideas. That is not exactly what happened. I was disrespectful, and the moment one doesn’t respect a substance, that’s when one is in for a ride. The house was open that weekend, so I had decided that I was doing something. Originally, I was told that the shrooms were a no go, so I was thinking a high dose of dextromethorphan, or possibly a contemplative trip on 2-CI. So, basically, I wanted that spiritual experience then, but that is why it didn’t happen.
My plan for the shrooms was to take a high dose and meditate, and I was looking forward to it. What happened was I was readying myself for it. I hadn’t eaten the entire day so that I wouldn’t experience too much nausea and the effects would kick in sooner. I was with my friends, preparing to eat the shrooms, while debating on how much to take. Asia had 4g, R decided to take 7g, and I was debating between 5-7g. Eventually, I decided 7g, and I knew that it was a dumb idea. I started feeling the effects within 10 minutes of consuming them. At that time, the sun was going down, so I went outside to watch, while I waited on the effects to kick in a bit more. I went and sat down on a chair that was put on a little built in wooden patio. It was right on the lake, and the sight was beautiful. The clouds were swaying and distorting, the color of the sunset was reflecting off of everything, and the lake was a shimmering, translucent body of water. While I was watching, a tiny little dog came over and started barking at me, which didn’t bother me. But then my neighbor came over to get him and started talking to me, which kind of freaked me out, since I was on 7g of mushrooms and everything was starting to distort. Luckily, he didn’t stay all too long. R then came out and joined me, sitting in the chair next to me. After a few more moments, Asia, Mr. Sober, and M came out to talk. M is a very good friend of mine, so I was glad that he was there. The only problem that I have with him is that he’s never done a drug, so he ends up talking to me/acting like I’m dumb. But, that hopefully won’t be the case sometime soon, going to bring him out in nature with some shrooms so that he can experience the majesty. But, continuing on, Sober and M went back inside to play Super Smash, leaving me, R, and Asia admiring everything. I remember Asia then saying, “everything is so trippy here.” He then went back inside. At this point, the mosquitoes were coming out and it was getting pretty dark, so we decided to go in as well. When I stood up, that’s when they really hit me hard. Everything distorted on me in such a radically different way. I looked over at R, amazed by what was happening. He had turned purple, and nothing outside seemed like it was right.
We proceeded to head inside, which I found very difficult. It was hard to do anything. M saw this as well, and he said “hey, you ok? You seem to be having trouble standing.” I thought I was going to pass out. It had hit me so hard. I had gotten extremely tired at this point, probably having to do with having nothing to eat the entire day. But, it was also extremely harsh on my body. I can’t even explain what it was like. But, I had the thought that I might have been sold some mushrooms that may have had some poison. I had read about mushrooms that have poison in them, such as the amanita muscaria, how they are fine unless taken in high doses, or something similar, although, I could be wrong altogether. But, the point is, I thought I may have poisoned myself. So, I thought I needed to get some food inside me to help absorb some of the poison, if there was any. A friend grabbed me something, which I took a bite out of, spit it out, and decided that I didn’t care.
Then, something strange happened, I had the most overwhelming urge to pee, so I went to the bathroom and attempted to do so, but it was impossible. While I was in the bathroom, I decided to sit down on the tub, which I ended up falling into, and I just sat there. While I was in there, some more friends popped over, both on shrooms. They opened the bathroom door and found it funny, me sitting in the bathtub. Then they left me alone and started watching Taken in the living room, while I just sat there for a few moments. It was very strange, my visual perception, it was like looking through a broken windshield. Everything was cracked and fractured. But, I then got up and went to lie down in my room with the lights off.
That is when I experienced the most amazing, yet, at the same time, most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t think that I had died, I didn’t feel like I had died, I did die. I was pure consciousness. I had no body, there were no surroundings, my room was completely gone. I had no physical body, yet there was still substance. I understood time in a way I never had before. Time had no meaning, yet it was so very prevalent. I had felt that I had discovered some secret truth, but I can’t remember it for the life of me. But the thing is, while I thought about it in that state, I knew that I would forget, I realized that I wasn’t allowed to remember. I realized that everyone would come to know this secret, that everyone, at some point, is shown; then, they too, will also forget. The last bit I remember is that I found it funny, it seemed absurd. It seemed like it was some kind of cosmic joke. I remember thinking about Huxley’s theory of Mind at Large. I understand why he thought that psychedelics, meditations, sense deprivation, etc… would allow access to an area that is normally blocked off/dulled down by consciousness. If a man was stripped of everything and thrown into that state without preparation, they would easily be overwhelmed.
Then, I remember M coming into my room and talking to me, I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was there. I remember him asking me if I was becoming one with everything, and all I could think was, “if only you knew.” After about two and a half hours of this, I came out of this amazing state. My friends all flooded into my room, with the lights off, and we just had a great time. The energy in there was amazing. But, something strange that happened was that I couldn’t see anyone’s face. I saw everyone with fiery auras. It was kind of like in Starcraft, the dark archons. It wasn’t threatening or anything of the sort, just kind of strange.
Eventually, the sober people had to go home, and everyone else (except Asia, who was out on the patio tripping on my couch) decided to go see Nine. I didn’t want to be left alone at my house, so I went as well. We got there and went to watch the movie, but 15 minutes into, I realized that I shouldn’t be there, so I went outside and wandered. I saw two brothers who were smoking out in their car. When they noticed me, they kind of freaked out. One of them told me that he works there, it’s nice and he gets to see movies free. I didn’t really want to talk to him so I said that I would leave them to do what they were doing. This part of it was kind of nice; he said that his brother doesn’t smoke, what would that make him if he allowed it. I believe he was lying, but seeing that kind of thing was nice. I continued to walk around and I was appreciating the little bits of nature that was in the area. I started to think about the universe, nature and manmade objects. How beautiful nature is and how it grows. Then looking at manmade objects, such as buildings, they may have been nice once, but once it starts rusting or getting old, we leave it to die. We take out so much in the world for things that we believe we need, only let it fall into disrepair 10 years later. But, it ended up being alright; I got home at about 4 in the morning, with Asia still on my couch. I stayed up a bit longer and started turning everything off at 5 am. Asia woke up and told me that he had just stopped tripping. I told him to analyze what had happened and that we would share stories at some point. He then left my house and that’s how it pretty much ends.
I have been shown something that I was not expecting. I went into it with the wrong attitude and the shrooms decided to throw me into exactly what I wanted to see and even further. I was not prepared, but, I plan to try it at some point again. Thinking I will go over to one of my favorite nature reservations and find a quiet place for meditation, then most likely some exploration afterward. But, this experience was the single most amazing, yet most terrifying experience of my life. I have been humbled because of this experience.
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