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An Encounter with the Super-Ego
Heimia salicifolia & Sertraline
by Teocuitlatl
Citation:   Teocuitlatl. "An Encounter with the Super-Ego: An Experience with Heimia salicifolia & Sertraline (exp83715)". Erowid.org. Oct 21, 2016. erowid.org/exp/83715

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
100 mg oral Pharms - Sertraline (daily)
  T+ 0:00 5 g vaporized Heimia salicifolia (extract)
  T+ 8:00     Tea  

BODY WEIGHT: 122 lb


The only significant psychotropic experiences I've had before this one were with alcohol and salvia divinorum. (I've tried a few others without much effect.)

Now, my first attempt at sinicuichi consisted of simply inhaling a bowls of dried leaf through my vaporizer. This basically did nothing I can't reasonably ascribe to a placebo effect. Next, I brewed a concentrated herbal tea by simmering 10g of leaf material down to thick, brown-green infusion. This was pretty much the bitterest thing I'd ever tasted, and did nothing other than make every muscle in my body sore for the next 32 hours. By this point I was becoming a bit skeptical of the value of sinicuichi as an entheogen. I was wrong... The following is my experience log as recorded 5 hours after beginning the assay:

Today (5 Feb 10), I finally made use of the sinicuichi extract I'd cooked up a month or two earlier. This simply consisted of simmering all of my remaining leaves (about 10-15g) down to a residue, then scraping this up and grinding it to a rough powder. Based on my previous assays, I was not terribly hopeful this method would actual work, but figured I'd give it a try.

Set and setting: I've just made it through a stressful week of administrative work, staying after hours to push through a load of training and frustrating reports that had been hanging like an albatross around my neck... Everything has now been taken care of, I'm in good graces with the boss, misplaced items have been found, and I'm looking forward to a change of pace as I leave the office for a month-long training class. Sitting alone on my living-room couch, watching TV and just getting ready to relax...

T = 5:30 PM – Commenced assay: Inhaled 1 pinch of extract over 200Ί C. Tastes like dentists' cement (lemony with an acrid bite).

T + 10 min – Inhaled another pinch over 230Ί C. Visible vapor.

T + 15 min – Noticed sensitivity to light, beginnings of mild euphoria. Additional pinches added as necessary (lost count).

T + 20 min – Motivated to close eyes and rock head back and forth. Muscular exertion and tactile sensation are now pleasurable. Alcohol-like depression of physical/mental coordination. Able to snap back to sobriety with concentration. Tested this several times. Must consciously choose to give myself over to the experience.

T + 28 min – Euphoric, intoxicated feeling. Violently squirming/thrashing. Closed eye visuals: tesselated patterns of groovy-colored flowers/geometric shapes. Tendency to inhale vapor compulsively to the point of gagging. Heightened pulse.

T + 35 min – Decided to move from the living room couch to the darkness of my bedroom. Came back to complete mental/physical control with effort of will. Gathered paraphernalia and brought upstairs without incident. Motivation to abandon self to the drug's influence strong, but easily suppressed.

T + 45 min – Strong urge to dance! Turned on music, began wild, uninhibited hippy-dance.

T + 1 hr – Intense sexual urge. Stimulation pleasurable, but strangely devoid of sexuality. Eventually rejected as a worthy way to spend the experience.

T + 1 hr 15 min – Turned off music. Strong resolve to concentrate energy into exploring personal thought-realm. Bizarre daydream sequences. Sensation of looking at and into my own body, intimately aware my own organs, feeling the vapor diffuse into my lungs and bloodstream. Discontentment and boredom as I attempted to move on to meaningful enlightenment.

T + 1 hr 30 min – Came to the conclusion that this was a dissociative experience. Felt as though my consciousness were divided into three parts: an id, ego and superego, if you will. I was not only in complete control, able to assert my will and suppress the drug's effects on command, I was “super-willful”. I could do anything I wanted to! Exploring my own mind, I began reaching the conclusion that all addiction, compulsion, and inhibition is a flaw of the lower mind and body, a failure of the higher self to assert its rightful rule. I indulged in a rousing self-empowerment discourse between my spiritual and carnal beings. Exact time and sequencing becomes blurred here, but at some point I even answered a phone call, and was able to pull myself out of meditation to conduct a sober discussion. Later on, I also had the distinct impression of being able to leave my body, abandoning it to the irrational squirming borne of raw physical energy and tactile pleasure, with my higher self free to explore the universe unfettered my the limitations of matter. However, I was always too aware of my body to leave it completely behind, so these excursions seemed more than watching a video than actually being there. Eventually, I decided to brush my teeth and settle down to an exhaustion of minor twitches and wandering thought patterns.

T + 5 hrs – Can't stay in bed. I still have quite a bit of jittery energy, not terribly unlike the typical agitation brought about by my high metabolism and current Zoloft regimen. Muscles still pleasurably achy. Altogether a powerful and interesting experience...

T + 8 hrs – My body still feels caught up in a feeling of pleasurable energy. Still a subconscious tendency to roll my head around, flex my back, and generally squirm about in mild muscular euphoria. I also fall back into a state of mental inebriation and become easily amused, startled and distracted if concentration is relaxed. I'm mentally exhausted, but too energized to sleep. Decided to eat a very late dinner/early breakfast, with black tea.

T + 9 hrs – Effects fading, but still a bit jittery. Went back to bed...

T + 17 hrs – Woke up refreshed. No hangover/negative side effects. Inspired to make good use of the day! Still energized, tend to wiggle and flex my body unless I consciously decide not to. Mild physical/psychological agitation, like my usual Zoloft reaction, but noticeably more pronounced. I guess sinicuichi really can be potent entheogen! To sum up, the most striking thing about this whole experience was the distinct impression of being able to separate my will from the animal instincts and confused pettiness of my physical body and mind. In some ways it was rather like salvia, but far less invasive and overwhelming. Probably not something to do recreationally, unless mild effects can be reached at a lower dosage. Not much of a euphoriant, but the sense of empowerment and introspection is certainly surreal.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 83715
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 27 
Published: Oct 21, 2016Views: 2,703
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Heimia salicifolia (150) : General (1), Alone (16)

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