DOSE: T+ 0:00	10 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(dried)
T+ 1:30	8 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

This was my first experience with magic mushrooms (P. cubensis - Palenque). I had been anticipating this experience for the last 7 or so years and had been slowly working my life towards it by doing research online and talking with people who had experience with them and other psychoactives. In the past I had tried DXM twice and LSD once but never felt too much from them.

This was one of the best experiences of my life.

I took 10g at 2am and went out to the garage to listen to music and do some pullups, pushups, etc and drink some tea. After about 35 or 40 minutes a song called 'Help, I'm Alive' by Metric came on and that's about when the affects were kicking in. I had read about short term memory loss and distraction being common, so I allowed myself to fully indulge in this. I began wondering from room to room in my home, talking to God. After an hour or two I thought, is this it? I had been hoping for intense visualizations, so I went back to my room and consumed the remaining 8g. This is when things REALLY kicked in. I began having trouble with balance and concentration, but had absolutely no fear. Instead I had the best feeling of euphoria I'd experienced in a really really long time. I had a Daniel Johnston song called 'Circus Man' slip into my head and I began singing my own variation of it. 'If I was a circus man, I would be in circus land, that's exactly what I would dooooo!' I felt zany. Really zany. Like if I was back in the dark ages, I definately would have been the courts jester that night. I was full of humor and wit. I was singing and laughing. I would laugh so hard that I would cry. When I'd start to cry I'd close my eyes and see a network of colorful / mushroomy veins that represented the interconnections of God and the Universe. I'd quickly begin laughing after I was done crying and then feel a strong desire to move to another room in my home.

After awhile, I went into what I call my 'temple' room that has a giant mirror over a fireplace. I gazed deep into the mirror until both of my eyes disappeared and I was completely connected with the Third and universal eye that eminated from my forehead (ie the 'bendi'). It was magical. I then saw the face of the Jew and wondered if I would mock or embrace. I did both before falling down on my knees in submission to my master.

I then had a strong desire to go out in my front yard. I live in quiet, peaceful neighborhood, but I was worried about scaring my neighbors. It was 4am at this point on Memorial Day. So I went outside and told my cat who was with me that I was going to let her lead for awhile. She lead me down the concrete walkway to the street where she plopped down and asked for affection. I tried to plop down with her but was so discombobulated that I scared her and she ran off into the street. I told her 'Alright... go ahead... I didn't mean to scare you. Come back if you want, but if not, I'll be here' ... then I began laughing out loud again and taking breaks from the laughter to say things like 'If any of my neighbors are awake and can hear and see me right now, please just come over and laugh with me. Don't call the police, they won't do anything because I'm filled with so much joy and laughter that nothing ya'll do can take that away from me... so please, just come over and laugh with me!' ... a few minutes later I saw a little black cat come up to the curb in front of me. At first I started to think superstitiously, but then I thought 'Oh shit I feel awesome. Screw superstition' ... So I started chasing the little black cat around the corner of the lot until plopped down in the grass and just started rolling around in a sort of zany bliss.

After awhile, I thought I should get in... just in case the neighbors would worry. So, I headed back inside and then went out to the backyard. It was a full moon and I saw a patch of moonlight on the grass that looked like the same patch of snow we had on our first white Christmas in almost a hundred years just a few months earlier. I immediately had the impulse to 'walk on the moonlight' just like I had walked on the snow barefoot six months earlier. I did this and then went to another section of the yard and just laughed and laughed and laughed. Most of the laughter I was experiencing was at the insane levels of accomplishment and failure and experience acquisition I've made in the last 7 years of life... it really has been crazy. My laughter was also directed at the possibility that my neighbors were listening. In my mind, through the entire experience, I was committed to not alarming them ... instead, I was putting on a magic circus land show for them. So I would regular fall back into the 'Circus Man' song, mixed with uncontrollable laughter, as well as deep, heartfelt explanations out loud like 'Hey nieghbors. It's a holiday! I've worked myself to the bone for the last year and half! You can't take away this laughter and joy! Come and share it with me! Please... don't be afraid of me! Don't think I'm crazy! I just want to laugh and I want you to laugh with me... if anything!'

So... that's about the extent of what I remember. There were moments where streetlights and the traffic signals down the block were making some strange movements, but it all fell in place in the Magic Circus Land that really was my own fairytale. I believed that God was with me the entire time and that no matter what I did, everything would fall into place in my favor, because I had been chosen for those 4 hours to be the King of this fairland that was full of wildflowers, moonlight, cool breezes, and kittens. It was incredible! I actual experienced a moment where I thought ... 'Now I know what they meant when they said that with faith you can move mountains.' In the state of mind I was in, I could deconstruct any object I was looking at and move it through the underlying visualization grid that I mentioned earlier.

I stayed up for 12 hours after the experience. I worked out at the track, had a date where I went rowing on the lake in a raft, etc. My mood never dropped. There was never a crash. I felt normal. I felt peaceful. I felt great. It was a long time coming and I look forward to sharing a new experience with magic mushrooms with others someday soon.

Final note: I understand that the dose I took seems to be much higher than others. I should mention that I started the experience 2 days earlier... first with 1g (no effect), then with 5g (very little effect), then with 10g (minor effect). 18g really did it for me. I know it sounds like a lot, but that's what made it all click. I should also note that I spend a lot of time alone and have a pretty independent, resourceful and strong will and mind. I was a special education major in college and have spent a lot of time contemplating in a very philosophical sense what 'sanity' and 'insanity' are and was prepared to fully dissociate myself with sanity. It turns out that wasn't the case. Even though I was acting like a circus man in a fairytale land, I have never felt so sane and in control of my thoughts. I had seriously forgotten how to laugh in the last 2 years because of some family issues. This opened up the floodgates of laughter and allowed me to release so much frustration that I had inside of me. I truly felt the lighter side of life. I have absolutely no regrets and experienced absolutely no paranoia or fear during the experience. I should also say though that I do own my own home and feel VERY comfortable in it.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 85694
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Nov 2, 2020	Views: 527
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)