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Saved Me From Despair and Worse
Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora)
by Pepper
Citation:   Pepper. "Saved Me From Despair and Worse: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora) (exp86878)". Erowid.org. Aug 3, 2015. erowid.org/exp/86878

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
5 g oral Syrian Rue (capsule)
  T+ 0:10 11 g oral Mimosa tenuiflora (tea)

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


Some background: I became very interested in entheogens a little over six months before my first ayahuasca experience. I tried a few legal plant/seed entheogens before ayahuasca, but they either didn’t work or were too unpredictable.

2009 was a horrible, horrible year for me. I was rejected by colleges, employers, and lenders. On top of that, I was abruptly dumped by my longtime girlfriend and my friends completely ignored me and didn’t help at all.

Things were starting to look up in 2010 until the girl I was pursuing in college chose her abusive, cheating, liar of a boyfriend over me. Then I found out that my ex was cheating on me while we were still together and is now going to marry the guy she was cheating on me with.

I was in a bad, bad state. I was going through major depressive episodes and drinking heavily by myself. Finally, I drank an ungodly amount in a short amount of time, threw up, and wanted to die because I felt like such a loser.

Setup: After a month of research, I was confident that I found a good, average dose and preparation. I fasted for 12 hours and had a personal goal for the trip that I kept repeating to myself to make sure I would remember it at any cost. I tripped alone.

I crushed the Syrian rue and put it into some empty gel caps. These were ingested ten minutes before drinking the mimosa tea. I simmered the mimosa in about a cup of water for twenty minutes. Then I strained it through a t-shirt and added three lemons’ worth of juice.

It tastes exactly like vomit. There is no other way to describe it. It’s horrible, but I just suffered through it and rinsed my mouth out afterwards. Then I waited.

First Trip: After about an hour, nothing was happening. “Great, another letdown,” I started to think. My ceiling fan has little glow-in-the-dark decals on it that makes a circle when it’s spinning. I stared up at it in the dark as I thought the tea wouldn’t work. Suddenly, I was falling down a hole, looking up at the circle of my fan as it pulled away.

At the bottom of the hole, a gentle, soothing, female voice greeted me. “Are you ready? Do you want to continue?” it asked. I managed to whisper “yes” and weakly nod. My body felt like it was melting or disintegrating. I left my body and traveled time and space. I still felt like a horrible, worthless person. The voice, my teacher, started to reassure me. She was right; I started to feel better about myself. I am a good person. My friends and family loved me and I loved them. I was surrounded by people who love me. I was surrounded by everything. I was everything and everyone. I had merged with the infinite. My teacher seemed to acknowledge and congratulate me on this discovery.

Then she said I was dead. If I always existed, I must have died at least once. It made perfect sense and I was okay with it. Then I was reborn into my guide’s loving arms, just a little child.

I traveled time again and saw who I was in the past and who I was going to be in the future. I saw my daughter who has not even been conceived yet. Her name will be Olivia. I was so happy to meet her.

After a few hours of traveling, being born, and dying, I wanted the trip to stop. It just sort of stopped and I went to sleep. Physically, I got nauseous a few times but never purged,

The next morning, I woke up feeling better than I had ever felt. I was beaming with a smile from ear-to-ear and sat out in the sun, enjoying a blue sky unlike any other.

I haven’t drunk to numb my feelings since. In fact, I never have more than one drink at a time now. I owe it all to this wonderful brew.

Second Trip: The preparation was exactly the same as before, except that I used a little less water and ended up drinking the brew slightly faster. I had my mp3 player to listen to some music, a blacklight to provide some soft light, a little mirror to look at any change in my eyes/face, and a small recorder to try and document the trip as it happened. My goal was not as ingrained this time and was something of a sham. Documentation and enjoyment was the real goal. This would prove to be troublesome, but we’ll get to that.

The onset was MUCH faster this time. With the light on, the wall in front of my bed slowly grew and crept forward. The room was closing in and warping in front of my eyes. When I shut my eyes, the most incredible geometric patterns appeared before me. The whole trip was infinitely more visual than the first. Time never passed so erratically. Someone kept telling me to “wake up!” It wasn’t the soothing female voice of before, it was someone else.

I turned on the light again and the room was completely different than before, like it was filled with a different spectrum of colors. When I looked in the mirror, I knew that it was just a mirror, but I kept telling myself that I was trapped inside.

Music made me travel through time again. It was incredible. Every note flowed through my body and I felt like I was hearing my favorite songs for the first time. Those songs never sounded better.

However, my teacher and guide was angry because of the music. She knew I was here for fun this time. There were hints of a bad trip brewing. She punished me by not answering me when I called out to her. Her voice was no longer soothing. There was a woman who was going to be my wife in the future. She was a French woman named Marie. I saw her get murdered and started to mourn this person whom I have never met and likely does not exist. It was horrible.

As for the audio recordings, it was completely useless to try. They are all completely nonsensical. Most of them are nothing but pops and cracks punctuated with an occasional “these recordings are going to make no sense in the morning” or “whoa, whoa!” At one point, I think I tried to eat the microphone.

Like the first time, I got a little nauseous but never purged.

This substance is no joke. If you go in expecting to trip out for a fun time, you’re likely to have a difficult experience. Think ahead, have a goal in mind, and take it very seriously. There is great wisdom in here.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 86878
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 22 
Published: Aug 3, 2015Views: 2,796
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Huasca Combo (269), Syrian Rue (45), Mimosa tenuiflora (74) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Combinations (3), First Times (2)

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