Citation: Doesitmatter. "The First Time in No Time: An Experience with Magic Mushrooms (exp88585)". Erowid.org. Jan 2, 2014. erowid.org/exp/88585
The day has come when I have acquired something I have never dreamed of ever getting. The psychedelic experience has always been a long and terrible fascination of mine, not because I like the idea of visual hallucinations or a fun and 'trippy' experience.
I would like to start first about my background and the reasons I have come into this realm of knowledge. I am 17 years old and one day when I was around 15, I just woke up feeling as if life, in all it's wonders, still isn't enough. It cannot be that we live in a world of living to work and working to live. Life and death just absolutely made no sense whatsoever to me and I couldn't settle into the idea about god, morality and purpose.
I smoke cannabis and I loved the way it made me think and the insights it showed me. Music was definitely much better and I could become more imaginative and creative. But I have stopped since abuse doesn't do anybody any good. Anyway!
I found out about the psychedelic experience and it moved me in such a way that an individual would see the truth, though subjective, yet still have profound experience of the self and life. It makes me see clearer than I've ever before, see what life is and that we are all one in nature. My beliefs actually fit into the psychedelic experience that is why it moved me to become deeply interested in it. I read for 2 years all about it and I am very glad that I prepared myself well enough to gain one of the most amazing experiences of my life!
I bought a jar of mushrooms that were preserved in jam. I didn't actually have trust in the quality since they were very small and they actually tasted okay, knowing that it tastes far away from good! Anyway I have decided that in the next day I would try it.
Knowing the implications and risks, I still went against all the necessary guidelines like having a sitter, mindset and setting but it was already the next morning so I was definitely not going to turn back since it was the only day and time to do it. So it was 11am I ate around 2 grams of it while having nothing else in my stomach. I decided to wait and eat a bit of lunch but I suddenly lost my appetite and I started feeling very weird. I walked around and I felt as if my knees were getting weaker which was strange and I started to feel like I wanted to go and do something even though I didn't know what. I felt giddy and I was laughing at my sister for the smallest reasons. I became a little nervous so I talked to my girlfriend and I realized I couldn't think normally as I did, talking became a bit more challenging since I couldn't express what was in my head.
After 2 hours my mother suddenly arrives from somewhere and I panic a little but knowing to be relaxed and composed would be best, I loosened up. I did well on greeting her and telling her about the lasagna that was almost done when I knew I was getting really hit by the mushrooms! I was responding in answers that were so far from her questions, then I started to panic and sweat but I sat down at the table, trying to relax, while with my sister and my mother. My actions, now that they started to eat, my actions didn't make sense I didn't know what to do but I wanted to pretend to get at least some food. So I gave up and I went upstairs. I went up and I was panicking already to a point that I thought I was losing my f*cking mind! I was sweating and I couldn't decide if I was going to wash my face, take a shower, put on another shirt - I was losing my mind! I was thinking of what we were going to do after lunch, what they were thinking that I was doing upstairs while they had lunch, about how I will not let them know I was very much onto something they were not aware of! I decided, screw this! I'm locking myself in my room. I was thinking so much and I was so anxious, yet still aware of all the relaxation and the ease I needed to have. I crashed in my bed all sweaty and I'm very particular when it comes to laying in my bed I make sure I shower first. My knees and my body felt so drained I couldn't keep my head up straight, it had to fall into something. It was like an orchestra increasing it's volume while banging on every instrument it had. I thought to myself that this is horrible! I knew though that the only way out was through, then I faced up to my ceiling.
After 2 hours and 30 mins, sudden peace
and I was so relaxed! I was happy and suddenly was in this state where everything was so beautiful! I was seeing things so clearly and so sharp! While I felt so aware at the moment, there was this feeling of pure awe at what I suddenly know! It was as if nothing in the world mattered and everything in this moment was going on and it made no difference where I was or what I was doing. This felt real! It felt as if I figured out what life was about! I was thinking that I wanted to be with my girlfriend, with my mother, with everyone but it didn't matter since I was all with them in this moment! I felt expanded and my body seemed not to be mine. I remember the feeling of my fingers and my tongue against my teeth and the vibrant feeling in my body and most particularly at my chest.
I called my friend K since he was the only one I could relate to about my ideas and the deeper meaning of life, reality, and consciousness. I tried to convey to him with my all energy and mind power, but all I could tell him was that, 'dude! I cannot put it into words!' I was frustrated, but I understood at the same time. He, being against the idea of drugs and focusing more on one's own powers, told me that I just sound lost. I didn't feel irritated as I normally would but I understood and I knew that it was okay, if only he knew, he would understand too.
I was so overjoyed and in awe with what my realizations were and what I felt! Time and space didn't matter! It was that sense of just being
that made most sense and was most important!
As I walked around and saw my mom, I panicked, but realized it all doesn't matter I figured what life is about and I wanted to shout it to her! I wanted to shout 'mom I figured what life is about!' The mushrooms in my system didn't matter anymore, this state felt so real that I was almost going to do just that! I was thinking that I am going to be depressed coming back, now knowing what I know. Yet I still felt like nothing could take me away from this happiness because of my realizations!
I started coming down, so gladly. I wanted to be back so bad, it made me realize how beautiful life is and being sober is amazing as well. All the process of life is amazing, the experience of normal life is truly great and I missed it! I felt like I entered a place of no time but I am not ready for it. I had a glimpse and I was contented I wanted to come back.
And so I did, still being a bit confused with my thought patterns. I still wanted to tell everybody what I just experienced. I was completely back at 3:00pm and I was so happy! The rest of the day went on smoothly and the afterglow would be there, I was ecstatic!
I think though, with my realizations, it's just part of the truth. Maybe the experience was a glimpse of something I am still not ready for. I felt as if in that state, I could die and it didn't matter. Still, I keep an open mind into what the experience was, I don't fully want to say that it is what it is, that this life is the un-reality. It was amazing and profound and I am thankful that I have experienced it! Now I go back to normal life, enjoying what there is to experience. I am contended with a glimpse. Truth will be out there waiting, I hope to find it absolutely!
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