Citation: Sweetlifex. "Never Thought I'd Trip Alone!: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp8892)". Erowid.org. Jun 3, 2004. erowid.org/exp/8892
Based on my previous mushroom experiences, I thought I was in for a great time when I invited my guy friend 'E' over to shroom with me for the evening, for his first time. It thought I was being nice in helping him to party and unwind with a memorable psychedelic experience, since he felt bummed about starting law school again after a short summer the next week. Just us two alone in my kick ass apartment, I planned for a wonderfully fun night since my place is practically made for rolling/tripping (complete with a pyschedlic movie collection, including Alice in Wonderland, Fantasia and Fantasia 2000, Fear and Loathing, and trippy pattern videos like 3-D Trance Trip and Alien Dreamtime, big soft pillows, black velvet futon, fresh flowers, glowsticks/photons, blacklights, giant queen bed with inviting rainbow sheets, feather boas, the best trance/house/jungle cds). Let's just say that every drug experience I had ever previously had in my apt was wildly successful, esp my E parties. I thought I knew my friend 'E' well enough and that our trip would be a blast.
I decided to ignore advice from a friend to wait to trip (since I had been going through some tough drama with my girlfriend who was in Europe and I had not spoken to in several days). I figured that even though it was an emotionally charged situation, I would be able to 'aim' my thoughts in happier directions and I did not anticipate being stuck on any negative thoughts. My last experiences had been ones where I had pretty good control of the topics of my thoughts.
After we took 1/8 each, I popped in 'Alice', one of my favorite 'waiting for drugs to kick in' activities. For most of 'Alice' we were tied into the movie, but I noticed that my friend 'E' was getting very uncomfortable and/or figety. He kept looking around and I could tell he was evaluating his state of mind and trying to make sense of the shrooms and figure out what it was like. I could tell right away he was trying too hard or expecting too much, so I gently reminded him to just relax and try checking out the ceiling.
After 'Alice' was over he got very weird on me... He kept looking around, very confused, very disoriented, and increasingly disconcerted. I felt bad for him and knew what was coming right around the corner, so I just tried to remind him to relax and not think anything too bad or serious, while trying to focus on keeping my trip afloat. He kept asking me if he was okay and I kept reassuring him, very nicely. He was thinking way too hard and taking everything way too seriously and his negativity began to severely affect me. I put on 'Milo and Otis' and tried to keep positive, but his increasing discomfort was spreading to me and making me feel responsible for his bad trip. This was approximately an hour and half or so after taking the shrooms. He finally exploded and exclaimed 'I think I'm going to walk home now!'.
I didn't really think he was serious and said 'Um, I don't think you are okay to walk home' (he only lived maybe 5 or 6 blocks away, but the streets would be crowded with people and cars). I didn't think there was any way he'd walk home alone on the streets, to be all alone at home, on his first time on mushrooms. The very idea was laughable to me. But... He wasn't laughing and said 'I don't feel in control of myself right now and I don't want to mess anything up here!' and with that, he was out the door. I protested, but he was already out the door. I sat there staring in disbelief. I tried to just turn my attention back to the movie and pretend that what had just happened didn't really happen. But it was too late and the realization had sunk very very deep in. I was trippin balls on mushrooms, all alone in my apartment, on the verge of a very bad trip. I began to panic because I knew what was inevitable. The bad vibes had already been there before 'the incident' (or how I thereafter to 'E' dramatic exit) with that now on my mind, I knew I had to find other people to be with or being alone with my thoughts would drive me crazy.
I attempted to call every one of my friends who I trusted that lived in the surrounding area for some company. I didn't get in contact with any one of them, but left messages. I was alone and tripping for about two hours or so. It was the worst drug experience I ever had and it was one of the most tramatic things that has ever happened to me. I was slowly freaking out and letting my thoughts take over. I never thought I would ever be the victim of a bad trip -- I thought I had always been a responsible drug user with a clear mind and strong will to deter from possible bad thoughts during a trip -- but I had never anticipated what I considered to be an 'emergency' like this one. I felt like I wanted to die, thought that I would seriously not live through the night, or come out of it in the morning with some serious pyschological damage. I kept replaying all the events with 'E' over in my mind, couldn't get my mind off the idea that I *needed* someone else there to bring me back down, and became obsessed with my bad situation with my girlfriend, somewhere of unknown location in Europe, who I desparately just wanted to be with, sober, again.
I cried out of sadness and panic. I curled into a ball and let my thoughts slowly break me down, all alone and extremely traumatized. I kept thinking 'This is like those horrible trips I read about in Erowid Vaults and it's happening to me!' (Humorously enough, I was still able to recognize that I could make a great bad trip report out of it) I tried to smoke some pot, since it is typically my lucky cure-all, but I seem to be immune to pot while on mushrooms. Deep into the night, my thoughts began to slow down, but I was still extremely emotionally uncomfortable, and truly felt like my heart was reacting badly to the panic and stress I had gone through. Soon, two friends both returned urgent messages I had left for them, and 20 minutes later they were both there comforting me. Even though when they got there I immediately felt relieved, I could not shake the feeling of post-tramatic stress in my body. I explained to them what happened with 'E', who I also had been worried sick about during my own bad trip. They thought it was so uncool of 'E' to leave during the trip, bad for him and me both.
'E' turned out to be okay, since he was able to find company when he got home, but I on the other hand was left with a horrific experience in my memory that will forever make me wary of the possible catastrophes during a trip. I was so deeply disturbed by it that it nearly broke me down into a psychotic mess that night and I am scared to think of what I may have done to my own mind had my friends not eventually rescued me that night. I am not adverse to recreational use of drugs now, but let's just say that night put my entire career of fun drug use in a different perspective.
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