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When Fear Gets the Best of You
Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & Mimosa tenuiflora)
by Yellow Sky
Citation:   Yellow Sky. "When Fear Gets the Best of You: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & Mimosa tenuiflora) (exp89050)". Erowid.org. Apr 6, 2020. erowid.org/exp/89050

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1.5 - 2.0 g oral Syrian Rue (ground / crushed)
  T+ 0:10 1 hit smoked Cannabis  
  T+ 0:20 3 - 5 g oral Mimosa tenuiflora (tea)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


Prep. (not in detail)

I boiled and filtered the mimosa several times for about 4 hours adding a bit of lemon juice for better extraction and some Jell-O powder to try the mythical “no purge” ayahuasca. I crushed the Rue seeds and mixed them into recently boiled water.

I had been reading about DMT for a long time at this point and told myself to be both mentally and physically fit before attempting this and to be mostly pure with my body (i.e. no red meat, alcohol, etc.) I also wouldn’t eat for about 4 hours before consumption. But being the foolish impatient person I am I decided to brew and take this jungle juice on a whim, I also thought it would be ok to have 3 bites of pre-frozen bagged teriyaki chicken and rice (store brand). Little did I know how much these decisions would haunt me...
Ingestion.

I split the rue up into 3 shots (I had heard its less of a shock to the stomach to pace them) It tasted like drinking straight coffee grounds, bitter but tolerable.

I waited about ten min and I was already feeling “slightly psychedelic” as I put it, but also slightly nauseous so I took a hit of weed to settle my stomach. Then about another ten min later I began sipping the mimosa brew.

This tasted quite similar to my experience with San Pedro Cactus, some say bitter, I say it literally tastes exactly like bile. But colder.
I say it literally tastes exactly like bile. But colder.
So I struggled through it with my nose plugged and about 20 mins later I had it all down.

Experience.
I Put on the Beatles’ Love album and laid on my neon green shag carpet from the 70’s. (foolishly thinking this would be something like an acid trip)

About 15 min after the last sip I presently began to see shapes and faces in the carpet, and I had a quick flash or vision of my own face but as a some kind of Buddhist lion like one of the forms of Vishnu or something. This made a big smile creep across my face as I thought, “well now I know my animal.”

Then things started to turn, I could feel a subtle knot in my stomach but I tried to ignore it. My girlfriend paced around the house without saying a word cleaning room by room, I could feel negative vibrations and thoughts creeping out of her. Now the music began feeling overwhelming as if it was no longer music but emotions emanating from inside my trip. I struggled with accepting what was happening and that I was feeling nauseous and my girlfriend was in another world while I was drifting away from it. I tried to tell myself not to give into fear, that the music isn’t overwhelming, that I can push through the nausea.

Then, fail. I gave in, sat up, turned off The Beatles, told my girl I need her to be positive toward me and after she said “hunny I'm cleaning...” I was taken by the nausea. I ran to the spare bathroom and threw up without warning before I got the seat all the way up. This was a very small room with wallpaper that was covered in vines and plants that all seemed to be shunning me. (not that the walls or the plants were alive or even moving I could just feel it)

After that I started panicking. I felt overwhelming guilt for making a mess in the bathroom my girlfriend had just cleaned and the room was too small for me to handle, so I went to the sink washed my mouth and gargled some water.

I made my way into the master bathroom where my girlfriend was taking a bath. I came to her with a look of pure TERROR on my face, pupils as big as olives. I can quite remember what I said at that point but I remember laying on the floor and constantly asking her the same questions, not having enough attention span to make up a sentence more that 4 or 5 words. This was due to the enormous amount of information crashing down on my unsuspecting brain, every single question I could ever have was being answered to me simultaneously by myself in what seemed like thousands of voices coming from my own mind, followed by looking at any object at any given time and seeing it fractal into infinity making me realize everything was infinite. I realized what a better person I could be and how shitty of a person I had been up until then.

I spent the next 20 min or so like this, in sheer terror from the overwhelming under descriptions of DMT experiences I had read and how I knew no words can prepare someone for this. I vaguely remember saying things like “I’m scared” then my girl would say “of what”, “Everything” this was the most accurate description I could muster, to this day. I was caught in the “time loop” everything went on forever and had already happened, future past and present were intertwined. I remember my girl saying to me like a mantra “you're ok, you're talking.”

And after a grueling 30 min max trip I was able to say one clear coherent sentence and I realized I was functional and the trip ended right there. And even though the entire trip was sheer terror I felt better then I had ever felt in my life the second I had come back.

I felt literally reborn, like I had experienced death and I was ok. I instantly knew the person I wanted to be from then on and I haven’t looked back since. I felt so grateful for that experience, so humble, through myself I had been confronted by god (what I consider to be the single energy [polarized] connecting and animating all beings and matter in existence [conveniently nicknamed GOD]).

In the end It was a terrifying experience that shaped me into becoming the best person I have ever been, It gave me a level of understanding I could never fathom in an eternity, I know now I was not ready but I also know you never really will be, like life, or death, you're never ready for a life experience, we fight it kicking and screaming, but after having that experience I now know all I need is to be someone I love and with the faith that I can survive a trip of that magnitude I know all one needs to be ready for a DMT trip is fearless hope. Hope this was informative, if not it was honest at the very least. Peace.

Exp Year: 2010ExpID: 89050
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21 
Published: Apr 6, 2020Views: 950
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Syrian Rue (45), Mimosa tenuiflora (74), Huasca Brew (268) : Difficult Experiences (5), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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