Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Syrian Rue
Citation: J.L.F.. "What Are You Trying to Tell Me: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis & Syrian Rue (exp89178)". Erowid.org. Sep 6, 2021. erowid.org/exp/89178
I would by no means recommend this dose, it was very foolhardy. But I would never take it back for it remains to be one of the most vivid realizations that I ever had in my life. I had been picking my own mushrooms for two or three years at the time at had been through the ups and downs of my pride and ego as well as humbling experiences. I thought I was an expert... I was wrong.
Rue is very bitter so I ground it up in a coffee grinder, weighed up 3 grams and put it in 00 gauge capsules. I swallowed those and began preparing my tea out of fresh mushrooms, maybe 5 grams if they had been dried. While the tea was cooling and about a hour after I had eaten the rue I ate 5 grams of dried P. cubensis. I chose 5 grams because I read that it wold be the heroic dose and I wanted to push the limit.
After the tea cooled enough to chug I did so and though I was already feeling the effects I could tell that the tea was excessive because I could feel it almost instantly. About 2 hours into the experience I was lying in bed almost convulsing, with my mind wandering to the extent that I would be crying one moment, fade away and then return laughing with no idea what I was even thinking about. It felt as if my body was no more a part of my true self then my shoes. I had a clock nearby but every time I would check almost no time had passed as if it had slowed tremendously. The next thing I knew I felt something alien to myself communicating with me in a very strange way. Like telekinetic cipher that I could never understand. So strong was the feeling of some message that I just wasn't getting, I desperately screamed in my mind 'What are you trying to tell me'. I then found myself aware of nothing but a giant void with me seeing myself walking in the center. Then I heard 'What are you trying to tell me'.
Instantly the self I was viewing branched off in single file lines of myself completely filling the void until I could see nothing but a kaleidoscope of myself. In the next instant, aware of being in my room again, I felt an overwhelming sensation of knowing exactly what I had been told. The message was that everything has already happened, past, present and future. I still don't know if this is misinterpretation on my part but that is the conclusion I came to at the time and I have been pondering this for years. Maybe the whole point was to question in the first place.
I'm not sure how long the experience lasted because I stopped looking at the clock, maybe 10 hours total. That been 8 years ago and next time I will better prepare myself.
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