DOSE:

2.5 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

I am not a frequent drug user. The first time I had ever decided to take mushrooms was not long after I had tried pot for the first time, and I even freaked out pretty bad from that. To believe I was ready for a hallucinogen was probably delusional of me. But nonetheless, I couldn’t help myself. I felt as though mushrooms would help me to have a really spiritual experience and would provide some insight into the ways of the Universe and God. I believed I was too smart to be a recreational drug user. I used drugs for a deep, spiritual purpose.

My boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband), M, got them for me and he was to be my sitter. We told my poor mom we would be midnight bowling with some friends and wouldn’t be home for several hours. She was trusting enough of us to let M spend the night and we lied to her. After she went to bed, I ate the mushrooms with lots of orange juice and we decided to play some video games (specifically WarioWare) until the effects started to hit. It was about 10:30 at night. After about 20-30 minutes I started to feel really silly. I was giggling at everything and feeling a little woozy. So M suggested I walk around and see how much it was really affecting my body.

My body was feeling a little jello-like and my coordination was definitely being affected. So we decided it was time to go. We left and got in M’s car and he started driving towards the canal which had a trail and some woods around it because M said that it was really nice to be in nature on mushrooms. Transitioning into a hippie phase, I really welcomed this idea of tuning in with nature. By the time we reached our destination I was really starting to feel it.

As I stepped out of the car I noticed my limbs were starting to get really tingly, in a very good way. It was pleasurable and I was having a really great time. I started rambling about how good I was feeling and I said, “You know what this is? It’s fun, that’s all it is!” All my hopes for a mystical spiritual trip were forgotten. I was simply enjoying myself. My body was starting to feel really amazing now. I have read and heard from many mushroom users that the physical effects they get are usually unpleasant but for some reason I felt like I was having a full-body orgasm. The pleasure was intense and it didn’t let up. In fact it only got stronger with each passing minute.

We stopped walking for just a minute so I could have a bonding moment with a tree. It seemed to be breathing and I told M that I was intimidated by it. It seemed so old and wise and I was afraid it may have been looking down on me for using drugs.

A few more yards down the trail, the pleasure in my body got so extreme that I couldn’t even walk anymore. My legs just gave up and I had to sit down in the middle of the trail and let M cradle me. My visuals were getting more intense and I was getting very emotional. If I closed my eyes I could see fractal patterns in yellow, blue, and green. I told M that I finally understood why the 70s used such ugly colors and I laughed. M’s face became my world as he held me in his arms and smiled at me. Every feature on his face seemed so real and just plain beautiful. The trees in the background were waving and at one point one of the trees became a giant silhouette of a pudding man who was smiling down at me.

I began to cry, I was just marveling at how beautiful everything was. I was literally overwhelmed with joy. I was ranting to M about how life was so beautiful and how everything felt so wonderful and I was really having the time of my life. But it was getting late and it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to lay down in the middle of a trail outside the town’s village tripping balls off shrooms. So we went back to the car to relax. I don’t remember much of the trip walking back to the car because this is when the trip started to go sour.

Once in the car I started to have these cyclical thoughts. The body high of pleasure was finally turning into numbness. The thoughts I was having were all I could concentrate on. I was getting these weird understandings of the way the Universe operated. It seemed like life was a never ending cycle with no point to it whatsoever. Eventually I started to forget who I was and where I was from. I felt like I might just be God, trying to distract myself from my loneliness by creating this pattern of life and death on Earth, something I could trap my mind in forever so that I wouldn’t have to bear with the cold, hard truth: that I was alone and always would be, for all eternity. Time and space were just invented by me to make my miserable existence more bearable.

Occasionally I would remember my life and beg myself to hold on to every detail so I wouldn’t lose my mind and myself. I would look over at M and say his name and then I was say my name, trying to hold on to any details about my life I could remember. But all I could remember were our names. I felt like an alien, never before seeing this world for what it truly was. I looked at M and saw all of his strange facial features as if from a new pair of eyes and realized that humans were really bizarre looking creatures.

But I didn’t even realize that I was starting to slip away. I began to black out. The cyclical thoughts were getting to be overpowering and it was as if my mind was just breaking. Looking back on it now, it’s as if most of the trip from that point on just didn’t exist in time. It’s not like I have long drawn out dark periods in my memory where I just wasn’t sure what was happening. The time itself just doesn’t exist in my memory at all. It’s like I closed my eyes when the trip started to go bad, and when I opened them it was over, three hours later.

All I can remember now are short blips of vision, looking out through my eyes and seeing myself still in the car with M. But they are only flashes, a few seconds long each at the very most. M says that I was repeating myself over and over again and behaving as if I didn’t recognize him, yet I was acting very sexual, trying to take my pants off for example. But to me, it’s like someone cut chunks out of my timeline and spliced it back together crudely.

At about 2 in the morning I came to and M was very upset. He was trying to tell me that we were going to get in so much trouble, we had to go home. My vision and comprehension returned quickly and I heard him very clearly now, although he had apparently been trying to talk some sense into me for quite some time. But all of the sudden I felt as though I was perfectly sober. It was like nothing had even happened. To this day, those two or three hours of my life are still almost completely missing to me.

M was relieved to see me sane again and so we drove home instantly. As we walked into the house, I noticed that I was still having subtle hallucinations. The furniture looked stretched and it gave a sort of Alice in Wonderland feel to everything. Everything looked the same but some of the furniture was smaller and some of it was larger. But I was exhausted and so we went to bed.

I was amazed the next morning that there was no sort of hangover whatsoever. M and I discussed what had happened and I told him that I had almost no memory of anything that had happened after we had gotten back in the car, which explained a lot to him. He had been really frightened by the way I was acting last night.

I was a little unnerved by how badly the trip went after it had been so amazing at first. If it hadn’t been for the insanity it gave me towards the end of the night, I probably would have pegged it as one of the best nights of my life.

I have tried mushrooms a few more times since then and each time it is the same. It starts off beautifully and gives me pretty much a full body orgasm and then my thoughts become deep and cyclical and I recognize the feeling of losing my mind. Then I black out. Sobriety slaps me in the face at the end of the night and it’s as if 3 hours of my life have been cut out of my memory. I assume it’s probably because I don’t have much exposure to drugs. I try pot every once in a while and I try hallucinogens every once in a while. But I never really let myself get used to them. So each time it’s like a first trip, really powerful. With pot, it is easy to calm myself down, but on mushrooms I always black out when the cyclical thoughts hit me out of no where. I understand that I am just different from other users, and I have to be really careful. I am small so I can’t handle too much of any substance.

I don’t let my bad experiences stop me from experimenting but I believe it is important for everyone to not take hallucinogens lightly. They should be respected because bad trips aren’t just dark and scary images. They are the deepest feeling of insanity and fear I could ever imagine.

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 90298
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Mar 17, 2017	Views: 2,891
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Mushrooms (39) : General (1), First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)