Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Diogenes. "Concentration in the Present: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp90614)". Erowid.org. May 5, 2020. erowid.org/exp/90614
Mindset going into the trip: I was in the midst of an existential despair. I have an array of comorbid mental health disorders, all in the anxiety or mood disorder types (I've had them all long before I ever tried recreational drugs). However, prior to this trip I was feeling much more down than normal. I was feeling particularly down for the week before the trip
I was feeling particularly down for the week before the trip
; falling in to obsessive thoughts about the pointlessness, monotony and sheer unpleasantness of life. I was also experiencing an unusual amount of suicidal ideation. I had always been sure to exclusively trip in normal or above normal mental mindsets. However, I had a feeling that this trip would go well despite my terrible mindset, as shrooms usually give me an experience that I would call the exact opposite of existential despair. An existential bliss if you will, where I am brought to my knees by the pure wonder and beauty of existence.
Preparation: I ate 2.4 grams of dried shrooms. I had been fasting all day due to extreme nausea brought on by my anxiety and depression. The trip was to be solo. It was the first time I tripped alone, but I wasn’t particularily worried as the most awe inspiring and spiritual experiences I have had on shrooms are when I wandered off alone while tripping with friends. While I am with others on shrooms I usually simply have an amazingly fun time filled with laughter at the absurdity of modern life.
Experience: The experience went very well. I was feeling very anxious at first and vomited (probably due to eating nothing that day besides the shrooms) but I did not worry about a bad trip. I feel as though I have had so many hellishly intense introspective nightmares while sober, that I could handle any bad trips that drugs could throw at me. Bad drug trips only last several hours, while bad sobriety trips often last several months for me. After an initial hour of uneasiness I began to feel very jovial. I then went for a walk and the jolly feeling turned into a deep-seated feeling of contentment and happiness.
The following is an excerpt from my journal immediately following the peak of the trip:
As I sat on a bench by a pond today tripping on shrooms, I was transfixed with awe by the beauty of ducks paddling in the water, I saw people walking home from the university research buildings. They walked along and around the edge of the pond. Every one of them had their eyes down, brows furrowed with stress. They never once glanced at the pond to perceive its magnificent beauty and the astounding wonder of our existence.
As you can see it was a wonderful trip. It brought me out of my despair and I hope an afterglow will stay with me. It usually does for a few days at least.
I wish so much, for the sake of humanity that I now love so dearly (the love of humanity nourished largely in part by my experiences with psychedelics) that our society would become less obsessed with the mind numbing and violence inducing drug of Alcohol, and become more tolerant and reverent towards responsible use of mind expanding, spiritually nourishing, psychologically healing, psychedelic drugs such as the most magical of mushrooms.
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