DOSE:		oral	Alcohol
		oral	Mushrooms	(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

I've done mushrooms many times. They were my first experience with psychedelics and my first love (drug). I've never had anything even remotely close to a bad experience before - even with other drugs I've done in larger doses like LSD or Ketamine. I've had 'uncomfortable' phases like when your mind gets stuck in a thought loop, but I've always been able to snap out of it and bring my trip back to a good place. I've done a lot more than the 2.5 grams before, the most being 8grams and the hardest I ever tripped being off of 5 grams (and still the best trip of my entire life).

However, this was something else and entirely unexpected.

I was at a party for my boyfriend G. We were at the quintessential party house... the place me and my friends almost always end up going. I've tripped there before, many times. There were quite a few people at the party, but not a huge crowd, and they were all people I know pretty well/see on a regular basis.

The night started off with just drinking and chilling, but around midnight G decides he wants some Mushroom Tea. So around 5 of us make some tea and we're all enjoying it. I finish the tea and I go downstairs and by the time I come back (Literally about 2 minutes later) I'm already tripping fucking balls.

** Note: These Mushrooms were blue. I'm talking almost black blue. I had taken the same kind before on a different night, but even less, maybe about a gram and a half at a campfire and they made me puke. Which is the only time any psychedelic has even made me nauseous. I know this is a common side effect for a lot of users of shrooms but the worst I've ever had before was bloating. My point is these shrooms were gnarly as hell and obviously not meshing well with my body for some reason. **

I go back into the kitchen, and I am tripping so hard I can't even focus on any conversations because the wallpaper is fucking moving and warping around like crazy. Everyone goes back downstairs but I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I figure, just take a minute, cool down and get your shit together, you've done this a million times. But hells no.

This bathroom has National Geographic magazines so I try to chill and read a few but I literally cannot even comprehend the images in it. They start turning 3-D and some are pulsating and vibrating... all pretty standard. But then it just seemed like all the visuals went away and the usual child-like euphoria mushrooms have given me in the past was replaced with utter fear and dread. I just wanted to get the fuck out of the house. I didn't feel in danger, but the idea of even trying to have a conversation with someone made me feel like I was going to throw up. Thankfully G comes around asking if I'm okay... I want to keep it together because it's his day not mine but I'm really not okay and I burst into tears. He tells me it's fine, he'll go get my stuff and meet me back at my house (Luckily I live only a few blocks away so I could walk safely home).

But the walk home was awful. I felt like I was a hamster, or a bug, or something incredibly small and that something big was going to pop out of the sky and just squish me. I was crying and bawling my eyes out because I felt such hopeless fear. I get to my door and realize I can't get in because G has my purse. Again, luckily, he was only a minute behind me.

**Note: G at this point, is also high as hell but obviously not having a bad time like me. I am so grateful he was there for me and so understanding of my situation. I may have gone insane if it wasn't for him =P **

At this point I'm getting mad audio hallucinations. Like when G walked across the lawn it sounded like a horse galloping on concrete. I get inside my house and I don't feel any safer. I go into my bathroom and have a full-blown anxiety attack for almost an hour. I've never had an anxiety attack before so it was pretty fucked to have one for the first time while tripping balls. I couldn't breath and it felt like I was being crushed, or squeezed to death by a giant snake or something. G kept trying to talk to me but it sounded like he was a million miles away even though he was right in front of me.

Finally, G puts me into bed. I curl up into the fetal position and I start trying to think about what's really scaring me. And of course it's death. I keep thinking, I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die over and over and over. It keeps chanting in my head, louder and louder and louder and louder and then finally... silence. Complete silence and all of a sudden I'm fine. Well not fine, but not terrified and panicking anymore. I meditate on my breathing for a little while which really helped me calm down. I'm careful not to smoke any weed even though I'd like to go to sleep at this point, because past experiences smoking weed while coming down have taught me this will only send me right back into space again .

I took Mushrooms for granted. I assumed I could handle anything at anytime because I had done them so often. But I learned mental states can change, and sometimes there are underlying issues you may not even know about that can come to the surface. And that psychedelics are fucking crazy! They are extremely powerful and have the power to alter you in ways that you may not want. To take you to place you don't want to go and to show you things you never wanted to see. They are amazing, beautiful substances that should not be abused or taken for granted.

My advice: Don't do them just because everyone else is. If it's spur the moment and you don't feel 100% comfortable in your environment, politely decline. Never assume or abuse. And always always always have someone you feel safe around with you, a best friend, a boyfriend and girlfriend whatever, when you're going to trip.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 90804
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jan 19, 2020	Views: 620
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Mushrooms (39) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)