DOSE:

1.2 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cyanescens

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I sit now at my desk in my room listening to the peaceful vibes of Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd after one of the strangest and scariest experiences of my life. I tried marijuana countless times, DMT 4 times and, most recently, mushrooms on 3 occasions. I consider myself a pretty scientific guy and will try just about anything I know enough about to feel comfortable. After reading substantially about the pros and cons of mushrooms I decided to take my first trip with just .8 grams because that’s what Albert Hoffman said he took in LSD, My Problem Child saying it was enough to feel the initial effects. Needless to say it was a pretty mild experience with only about 10 minutes of visual effects.

The next time I took 1 gram and felt a substantially stronger effect from them, and then this time I took 1.2 grams of pure cyanescens caps. The first 2 times were cubensis caps and stems. The first two trips I had were in my own house and yard with my girlfriend where I had complete control of everything. This time we decided to take them before skiing. Needless to say, not such a great idea. We took them at 1030 am and its now 4:46 pm and I feel the final lingering effects wearing off. I have read so much about ego, ego loss and “turning off your mind and floating down stream”, but until now I had no idea what any of that meant. So here we go.

945- We get to my buddies house and eat some breakfast. Not much, just some oatmeal, toast and a banana. He had never taken shrooms before so I only gave him 1 gram of caps and stems, figuring that would be mild enough for him, and the 1.2 of caps for myself since I wanted a little more. We wrap the product in some plastic wrap and head up to the mountain.

1030 – I eat mine and wash it down with some powerade and ½ an orange

1055 – I start to feel the initial effects of a body high as we get into the lift line, I am thinking its going to be a great day. Never felt to effects this soon.

1105- We get to the top of the mountain and hike a little bit to get to the backside of the mountain. We have to go through a dimly lit tunnel to get there. The lights begin to get halos around them and the body high is very strong by now. When we got to the top we came out of the tunnel and the brightness was overwhelming. I was wearing very dark tinted goggles and still had to shut my eyes because of it, which did more harm than good for my mind cuz the CEVs were more intense than the light bouncing off the snow to me. I kept calm by just shading my eyes for a minute or so until I was adjusted. At this point everything was still pretty normal, other than the usual brightening of colors and body high.

1110 – We took the easiest way down and I felt like I was in the world super g championships. I hadn’t skied in a while and was pretty out of breath by the time we got to the bottom. I forgot how thin the air is up there and I believe the lack of oxygen caused some unneeded anxiety later on. There was no lines yet on the back side at this time so we rode right onto the lift. Riding the lift up was my favorite part at this point because I could catch my breath and sink deeper into my trip by watching nature from above. The snow was stunning and I could see every detail.

1115 – Felt like I was flying on the ride down. Lift line is getting a little more crowded, I don’t really like all the people around me. Still out of breath from the thin air, thinking to myself “is this normal???” My lips began to get a little tingly and numb but I figured it was just from the cold mountain air.

1120 – Another good run and back into the lift line. My buddy still claims to have felt no effects to this point, but I was trippin balls. The lift line started to get really confusing and I felt like cattle being led into our stalls to be brought back to the top.

1125 – I still hadn’t looked at a clock up to this point but it seemed like a very long time since we took our first run. We decided to head back to the front side of the mountain where my friend saw a moguls course. He went on it and ended up hurting his back, which didn’t do me any favors cuz now instead of just worrying about myself, I now had to take care of a trippin injured friend. We made it down to the bottom of this mid-mountain lift and I did not want to get on that lift. I told him this but he told me he needed me with him. I was the more experienced one so I went with it. This is where things stated to get weird. I finally looked at my phone and it made absolutely no sense to me what this devise was used for. I almost wanted to just drop it onto the mountain because it was useless to me. He asked me what time it was and I remembered that was the reason I pulled it out in the first place. 1130!!!! Holy shit no way!!! It's only been an hour??!!!?! This made me very nervous. I started to get panicky and tried to distract myself by watching the skiers. This was no help. I couldn’t figure out why they all wanted to slide down a mountain on those sticks attached to their feet. My world started to close in on me. My breathing became faster and the thin 9,000 foot above sea level air didn’t help.

I looked back to see how far we had gone and we weren’t even 1/10th of the way to the top and I was stuck in this human transport device. There was a point where the lift was just 5 feet off the ground and I had to use every last rational bit of myself to keep from jumping out. I told my friend my situation and told him to tell me about some happy things in his life to keep me calm. Didn’t work. Then, finally, what seemed to be over an hour later (5 min in actual time) we got to the top. I was so relieved to be there that I just wanted to lay down, but I knew I couldn’t cuz the ski patrol would freak out. We made our way to the bottom, him with an injured back and me doing everything I can to keep myself together as the snow and trees swirled around me.

1145 – Finally we make it to the bottom. The only thing that got me there was the thought of being freed from this mountain which was holding me prisoner. There was a small concert going on at the patio where there are food places and tables to eat at. As we walked there we started to get into a crowd of people. These people were aliens to me. We had absolutely nothing in common. The sign above the sidewalk said “returning riders” which gave me some comfort, making me feel like I was just coming back to reality. Not so fast. Peoples brightly colored ski outfits and goggles were more foreign to me than ever. I felt like I was in a bad dream and I would never escape. Their smiles contorted on their faces. My friend led us to a table in the middle of the patio, but I couldn’t handle it, too many people. I told him we had to go sit off to the side. When we got to our secluded table I almost had a sensory overload. The music was too loud, the tabletop was swirling, the bricks on the ground flowing like water and even when I blinked it wouldn’t go away. I told my friend I needed to go for a walk and that I'd be fine.

I found a stairway about 30 yards away from everything that saved me. As I sat down I took a look at the cement wall on my left. It was swaying back and forth, jamming to the music. A peaceful feeling came to my mind when I saw that. I felt as if it was a very happy wall because it gets to chill here and listen to music all its life. Patterns and faces continued to swirl in this wall and I took a picture of it with my camera phone that I will keep forever. I started to text my girlfriend which was calming. At this point I gathered my thoughts and was regaining my composure. I was trying to figure out why I was having such a bad trip and it began to occur to me, “I've lost my Ego.” Society became meaningless to me. Buildings, people, music… they were all part of a strange system without purpose to me. Before this moment I had no idea what people meant when they talked about egos in a psychedelic sense. I gathered my thoughts enough to type this into my phone:

Ego cannot be put into words. It is everything we are and know. From the clothes we wear to the food we eat, everything is part of us and who we are. This makes up our ego. We are so engulfed in it that we don't even recognize this ourselves. Our buildings, cars, houses and everything within them is part of an infrastructure centered on the human body and the way it functions. Time is a simple part of human nature and only exists because we think it does. In meditation, time stands still. Some force their way into this state through psychedelics, unprepared and unable to escape its effects. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream is truly the only way to not lose your mind.

I listened to the first part of strawberry fields about 10 times in a row and came up with my own interpretation. Strawberry Fields being a state of mind and John Lennon wanting to take his friend there. His friend was nervous about the trip and he comforted him by telling him its “nothing to get hung about.”

1230- My buddy was texting me to come eat with him and I finally decided I could go back into “the game” as described by Leary. Everybody was mindlessly playing their roles in society. When I sat down to eat with him he had a Reuben waiting for me. I looked at the sandwich and had zero desire to eat it, and I love food in real life. I was completely separated from my bodily desires still. I could feel the effects wearing off at this point, but wearing off in waves. My pupils still felt dilated and I was still slightly hallucinating. I slowly felt myself coming back into what Leary said is the Third Bardo, where we reenter the world as we knew it and regain our ego.

130- I finally feel like eating, but the thought of going on the chairlift again was overwhelming. There was no way I was going to get trapped again on that thing. My friend said he would go up and get the car and bring it to me. This was a huge relief for me. From this point on I began to regain my Ego in waves. I felt human again and felt connected to the people around me once again. He drove us home and I recounted my experience to him the whole way down. He still claims to have only felt mild effects but agreed that he didn’t like not having control over his mind.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

400- The effects are worn off enough by now to drive so I go home. I finally feel like I can go on with “normal life” again. I feel completely reborn. I woke up this morning not knowing what I was getting my self into and a few hours later. I was trapped on a mountain in outerspace. My struggle to hold onto my Ego during my trip was caused by being around too many people I didn’t know and forced into situations I didn’t want to be in, such as riding the lift back up the mountain.

430- I get back home, say what up to my roommates, tell them about my experience and go straight to my room and write this. Leary says every time we trip we go into “the land of heroes and demons” and that we have to accept our bad trips as a learning experience. Needless to say I think I learned more about myself and human nature in those 6 hours than I have in my entire life up to this point. At certain points in my trip the traditional bad trip thoughts creeped into my mind such as; am I dying?, will I ever be normal again? and I am going to swear off mushrooms forever after this. I had to keep reminding myself that everything would be ok, as it was, and that this was completely normal. Now that I am down from my trip I am excited, but hesitant, to journey back into the world I just left. Hallucinogens are still something I think everybody should experience, but under the right circumstances. We cannot fear this unknown world because there is so much to learn there. I have a new appreciation for life and view on relationships because of what I went through today. Hopefully the next time I trip it will be a good one and I plan to arrange my set and setting to ensure this. Well, that’s about it. I'm pretty hungry now and I'm going to lay down and ponder some more about what just happened.

Oneluv

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 91414
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 12, 2025	Views: 39
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Mushrooms - P. cyanescens (67) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Mystical Experiences (9), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)