Huasca Brew (B. caapi & M. tenuiflora)
Citation: Rhonda. "There Are Things I Don't Want to Know: An Experience with Huasca Brew (B. caapi & M. tenuiflora) (exp92982)". Erowid.org. Jul 18, 2016. erowid.org/exp/92982
It began to hit me within 10-15 minutes of ingesting the 3:1 caapi/mimosa mixture. I started to notice visual effects or distortions. I could see the multiple colors that make up what appears to be one color when not in this experience. Everything became permeable. I could see the space between molecules of what once seemed to be solid. Those spaces would expand and contract. Many visual effects related to changing densities, shapes, and colors of what once were solid, fixed material things.
I began to get a seasick feeling. I felt myself wavering or moving while lying flat on the floor. A feeling of losing control of myself, my environment, everything came over me. This caused intense fear. Losing control is one of the issues that I knew before entering this experience that I needed to work on. It felt as though I was vibrating at a rate so high it was almost unbearable. I began to feel myself merge with everything, my blanket, the floor, Kraig, everything. Like we were all melting together, we were one, there was no separation. I experienced time and spatial distortions. According to the clock after the experience, the experience only lasted about 1 Ĺ to 2 hours. I had been gone or in this alternate reality for what seem to be 3 days with no sleep. I was frightened because I didnít think I would ever get back to my time, space, reality. In hindsight, I wish I had placed the time piece within visual range. That may have helped alleviate the intense fear that I felt during most of this experience. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldnít and I couldnít stop it.
I just wanted it to stop but it wouldnít and I couldnít stop it.
I had no control Ö thatís my vision of Hell. No control over myself or my environment. Iím a very tightly wound person, very in control of myself and my environment Ö or so I thought. This did help me realize the limits of my control and the unnecessary struggle with control. It doesnít matter. Things will flow the way they will flow. I can move within that flow but fighting the current will only slow where I'm going and will exhaust me by the time I get there. I have control over how I move with the current, how I experience the journey, and where I land along the continuum of the final destination.
So much going on at once. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldnít. Many of the experiences I had were occurring at the same time. I was in 10 different places at once. I was doing 10 different things at once. That seemed perfectly normal not exhausting or problematic at all. Information was coming at me from so many different places, entities, beings, sources that I thought I would explode or die or something Ö I just wanted it to stop, make it stop, but it didnít. I hope Iím not expected to remember all of this information. 'It doesnít matter, donít try' was what came to me. Itís like my brain, body was being downloaded with information that I would access when I need it. I know now why hard drives on computers crash. Itís too much information at once and wonít stop to give you time to process whatís being taken in. That is Hellish feeling. Not being able to process or understand what Iím given Ö just constantly being loaded with information Ö no break, no time to understand, not being able to see the end of it or to know that it will be done at some point. In hindsight, I know itís there and will be using it at some point. I donít have to understand it all now or even to know what all of it was. When the time is right, I will access it. Time is an illusion in this reality, a way for us to mark our experiences and progress/regression. It does not exist in other realities, on the other side of the veil.
I became aware that my body, mind, and spirit were separate entities working together so ďweĒ can have this physical/human experience. Soon after this experience began, I was lying on the floor watching the visual effects when Something told me to breathe. What? Sudden realization that I hadnít been taking breaths. What happened to my automated breathing? My body sent me a knowingness that it wasnít automated and that my body took care of these things. Apparently my body was in active revolt against my mind. It did allow my mind to take breaths but my mind had to remember to take breaths, which is not as easy as it sounds Ö for a mind thatís not used to it anyway. My mind then went on a power trip trying to tell my body to move my hand, to get up, to do anything. My body being as stubborn as my mind refused to cooperate and stopped all automated functions, breathing, swallowing, blinking, temperature control. My mind was working overtime trying to keep my body going. The realization that my mind couldnít continue the physical experience without my body was a profound insight for my mind. With information still coming in from everywhere and trying to keep my body running, my mind wondered how my body did it. Remembering to breathe was the most difficult task for most of this experience but breathing felt so good. There are no words to describe how good breathing felt.
A coldness came over me. It started at my head and worked its way down my body. I was so very cold when a knowingness came that said, tell your body to warm your arms and torso. I did this and the coldness subsided Ö until I forgot to tell my body to do this again and again the coldness seemed unbearable. At that time, the little down lap throw that was covering me grew large enough to more than cover my entire body more than two times and it became so full, fluffy, and warm Ö I felt my Angel wrap its arms around me making the blanket snug and warm. My Angel whispered a knowingness to me to remember to tell my body to warm itself. My Angel communicated to me that the brew was working its way through my body and I would feel this coldness work its way down my body. I was so lost and almost gave up hope that this was ever going to end. The thought that I just wanted to die and then it would end came to my mind. Again, my Angel wrapped its arms around me making me so warm and comfortable and whispered a knowingness that I would know where I am in the process by paying attention to where the coldness was on my body. The closer to my feet means the closer I am to being finished with this part of my experience. Throughout my experience I had a knowingness that there were many others around me watching and protecting me but also allowing me the full experience of my choice.
While my mind was still downloading information and trying to keep my body running, my body began educating my mind about how this physical body functioned. My body said that my mind was like central control guiding ďusĒ through this physical experience. My body said that my mind decided how ďweĒ would experience people, places, things, situations. How my mind decides to interpret these experiences controls what emotions will be generated. If my mind says this is a bad thing, emotions will lower our vibration and we will react with sadness, anger, or one of those lower vibration feelings. If my mind says this is a good thing, emotions will vibrate at a higher frequency, and we will react with love, joy, or one of those higher vibration feelings. Everything is energy vibrating at different rates or frequencies. Emotions control at what frequency we vibrate. The higher we vibrate or the higher our frequency, the better we feel, the healthier our bodies are, the higher our spirit can soar, the more positive our physical experience becomes, and the better those of lower vibration will feel around us. The opposite is true when we vibrate at a lower frequency. My body confirmed that science is right about like attracting like. My body said that when it is vibrating at a lower frequency, we leave it more susceptible to attracting lower frequency things. Illnesses are lower frequency entities/things. My body also said that we need to pay closer attention to the frequency of the things we use to nurture it. All nutrients are energy vibrating at a particular frequency Ö make sure we use nutrients of a higher vibration if we want to increase our frequency. Ingesting lower frequency food will make us feel worse and will attract illnesses by lowering our frequency.
My body also downloaded information on Chakras. I havenít had time to take this out and look at it much. I know that Chakras are the bodyís breaker boxes. The central circuits throughout our body that process types of energy/frequencies and regulate the flow of these energies. Sometimes these breakers can malfunction and cause limited flow of energies in that area, no flow of energy in that area, or allow the reverse flow of energy in that area. When energy doesnít flow through your body and through these chakras easily, it manifests as problems in our physical reality. There is so much accurate information out there already about chakras and the flow of energies through these chakras that Iím not in a hurry to pull this out to look at it Ö at this time.
At the same time that my body was educating my mind about energy, knowledge about how my energy affects others, the planet, our universe, everything else in this reality as well as other worlds/realities. I can use my energy to affect the energy flow of another. I have to be very conscious of using my energy to affect anotherís energy field. What we put out comes back to us. I have to be very aware and conscious when attempting this to ensure the negative energies of the other person, situation, etc. doesnít have a reverse effect and lower my vibration. An understanding came, that this is how prayer works on the healing of another. The people praying are directing their higher frequency energies toward the situation, individual and/or illness which cause the frequencies of that situation/person to rise. Illnesses are lower frequencies entities and canít stay/survive in a higher frequency environment. What about God? God (The Creator of All that Is, or whatever you call This Ö we waste way too much energy and put out way too many lower vibrations regarding what to call The Creator of All that Is) is the highest frequency there is available. People connected to Spirit (again substitute whatever you call this Entity) are able to draw this All Powerful Energy through them and direct it wherever they choose. In effect, we can be conductors drawing this All Powerful Energy through us to heal people, situations, the planet, whatever we choose, and however we choose so long as it is a vibrational match.
Noting that those conducting this Energy through them, need to be conscious of their bodies and when enough is enough. This is Highest Energy available and conductors can only flow this Energy through them for so long before they burn out. Remembering this physical experience ends should the body become overloaded or break down. Spiritual healers should realize that the most contribution they can make to the collective is holding themselves at the highest possible frequency they can attain at that time and in that body. Pay attention to your body, take care of your body. Please do not burnout or break it. You are of more help with a physical body and using it to raise the vibration of this world/reality. In doing so, you make a positive affect that ripples beyond your wildest imaginations.
I experienced a massive overload/download/bombardment of information about how the vibration of energy or frequencies work
I experienced a massive overload/download/bombardment of information about how the vibration of energy or frequencies work
with people, places, things, situations, etc. affect us individually, collectively, and beyond things weíve never imagined. Also somewhere in this information is how the interplay of energies work, the various types of energy, etc. Lots of energy stuff Ö too much to pull out and look at now.
Coldness was at my feet. Yeah, almost done. It had been a day since I had told my body to warm itself. My Angel communicated that my body temperature had dropped extremely low and I needed to get up and get on the bed. I was so tired but my body did this, it got up and got on the bed. I was so grateful to my body for this. I did remember to thank it. To this day, I catch myself communicating ďthank youĒ after I take a breath. Kraig tried to warm me. I realized that I loved him, not in the physical sense of love but in a deep spiritual kind of love. I lay there and waited, no longer aware of the types of things being downloaded only that it was still happening. I think I drifted off at some point. When I opened my eyes, Kraig and I were in fetal positions facing one another. I saw us in a womb together. Kraig said he saw us in a walnut shell together. I had a knowingness that we have been together before. I must have drifted off again.
I opened my eyes and looked over at Kraig and he was not in his body. His body was there but he was not. A fear so deep and penetrating went through my heart that it froze me where I lay. I couldnít move. All I could do was pray more reverently than I have ever prayed before that ďPlease God, Please God, Please God, bring him back. Please God, Please God, Please God, make him want to come back.Ē I prayed this for what seemed like hours. I must have drifted off again because when I opened my eyes again, Kraig was awake. I was so grateful he decided to come back and a deep gratefulness for him permeated every cell of my being. We talked both communicating our experiences. His experience was so totally different than mine but I believe we both agreed each got what they needed. He asked why I had turned the music off that we had been listening to. I apologized if I interrupted his experience but a knowingness said that we were going too deep and that the music prolongs and lets you go deeper into the experience. My Angel communicated that I needed to turn the music off that we were going too deep. It took several attempts to get my body and mind coordinated to be able to maneuver and turn the music off. Not that my body was being defiant at this point, we had just been operating separately for days and it took a while to get back together.
I went into this experience wanting to know more, do more, venture beyond what Iíve known. During this experience, all I wanted to do is get back to my nice, safe little world and trying desperately to hold on to it and pull myself back into it. I discovered there are things I donít want to know or are not ready to know. To say I wish I had never had this experience would not be true. However if I knew what I know now, I would never have ventured near this experience.
Although I was given, by my Angels, God, Guides, the procedures to take and I defied this guidance. I was given three recipes for this brew to guide me through a spiritual awakening. I was to take the first recipe, wait a period (at minimum the following weekend), let the clearings that needed to take place work, process what I was given, and then I would be given the time to take the next recipe.
Well, patience is not my strongest virtue or skill. I partook of the first recipe and it was an amazingly pleasant experience. I thought I was good enough to skip the second recipe and the evening after the first recipe was taken, I took the third recipe which led to the experience above. A knowingness was communicated to me by Öwhatever you want to call It Ö that this experience didnít have to be so harsh. Had I followed the instructions that I was given it would have been a much easier process. It was explained that I didnít allow time for the first recipe to clear what needed to be cleared or to process what I was given. I skipped the second recipe which needed to clear another level and I didnít get the information in that level. So when I partook of the third recipe, not only did level one have to finish clearing but the recipe two clearing had to be done at the same time that the recipe three clearing had to be done. As well, the recipe two knowledge and recipe three knowledge had to be given at the same time. And now the processing of all this information is almost too much, so Iíll put part of it away until I can get to it. However, my Angels know me and knew I would jump into things too quickly. With Instance gratification, I lose appreciation for the beauty of the journey, I lose lessons or opportunities for growth along the way, and I arrive at my destination with only a fraction of the greatness that was offered to me. More and faster is not necessarily better nor is it necessarily better for me Ö and this is just one of my most profound lessons from this experience.
Although the most intense portion of this experience only lasted 1 Ĺ - 2 hours (which remember was 3 days with no sleep in my experience), I had second, third, and more waves of experiences with visual, spatial, time distortions that lasted almost 36 hours after ingesting the brew. Six days after the experience, I am still experiencing feelings of a physical buzzing or seriously increased vibrating in my body. I am still experiencing feelings of wavering in and out of this reality. I still have a hypersensitivity to my body and a knowingness with my body. I still experience a sensation in the top of my head that I canít find the words to explain.
This was the hardest experience of my life to this point. Yes, Iíve gained a great deal of insight but I doubt Iíll do it again. Had I imagined the depth of fear that I experienced during this process, I would never have gone near this brew. The revelations and insights from this experience are still coming and Iím sure the information that was downloaded will be beneficial at some point.
I am grateful for the new love of life and people. Although painful, I am so grateful that my heart chakra was cleared. It felt like a dam burst when my heart chakra burst open. I do hope I can pass along the insights and knowledge Iíve gained. I do love the people in my life so much words donít even come close to being able to describe this. I have noticed physical healings and Iím sure these healings will continue to be revealed through my next few doctor's appointments. However, the physical healings canít compare to the mental, emotional, and spiritual healings that occurred.
Nothing of this physical/material world matters unless it strengthens my connection to others and to God. We are all in this experience together. Itís not a competition. Itís not a race to the finish line. The fact is if the collective vibration is not raised, our own vibration canít reach its potential. Weíre all connected. Itís like trying to run through a closing door. If my arm gets caught in the door, I'm not going any farther. No, itís not possible to cut my arm off in this scenario. That would not be my first choice anyway. I would work with my arm trying to get it on the same side of the door with me. We need to work with each other not in competition with or against one another. Those of higher frequency do need to help those of lower frequency raise their vibration so we all can soar to new heights.
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