Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: JayfromtheSE. "This One Time I Died on Psilocybin: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp93784)". Erowid.org. Sep 29, 2013. erowid.org/exp/93784
So the other day (roughly a few months ago) I decided to have a trip. 3.5 grams of cubensis to be exact. Now it's not like I haven't taken Psilocybin before, to contrary the last trip I had was 3.5 grams. The only difference is before, I had ingested them dried. Admittedly the only trips I had prior to this experience were ingested either fresh or dried. This time I had 3.5 grams in a tea, with a tablespoon and a half of lemon and it was also my first time tripping alone. I had some objectives that I set myself to do but what happened to me an hour later left me incapable of doing anything nor was I prepared in the slightest for the up and coming experience. I was about to be plunged into the depths of a level 7 plateau trip having never experienced anything close to this level, ever.
By the time I put down the glass which would have been within the first 10-15 minutes at the very latest, the body load was really kicking up a notch. It was very intense, my whole body was vibrating so much and at this stage it felt like I was peaking just like the previous 3.5 gram trip peaks but this was 'within 15 minutes', so I was starting to get seriously worried and anxious. It felt like vibrations were just flowing through my whole body from my feet to my head, like all my chakra points were completely open and I was glowing with energy. Though this was shortly forgotten (the element of fear) for now, after I started walking around and attempted to eat, smoke ciggies and weed.
After the 30 minute mark the body load was completely insane to the point my vibrations were going so crazy I was literally shaking trying to write anything down. At this stage I was nearly not able to keep writing in my journal that I had decided to keep during my trips. My hand writing got a lot more crazier and even gripping the pen was a difficult task to accomplish. It took me lengthy periods of time before I could actually write down a sentence. As one would assume the writing slowly became more undecipherable to the point of articulate scribble, for me anyway. :)
After about 45 minutes I was tripping so intensely I've never had an experience anything like this prior to this trip. 'Do not like inside, will go outside' a direct excerpt from my journal. I proceeded to go outside, it was a nice temperature and sunny. As you can tell, my language skills were nearly non-existent to the point of a primitive level. I laid down pillows and sat down. I began to meditate and from there stuff really got crazy.
I was engulfed by a completely white environment. My vision eventually manifested from a white blur to being surrounded by huge temples where time 'nearly' came to a stop. My body, mind and soul were completely at ease. My worries, gone. My fears, gone. My human emotions and problems, gone. I was completely at bliss and peace. I heard what I thought was a bird make a screech sound that was obviously flying past and it decided to loop over and over again at a noticeably louder volume. To add to this there were sounds of animals constantly and there was a clear and loud sound of a waterfall or something similar in nature that proceeded to drip/fall.
After about 1 hour and 15 minutes I had little to no motor skills left which made me instinctively rush to my bed because for some reason I knew I was about to be left incapable of doing anything. At this time I 'was' having a bad trip per say, it was very stressful and made me panic throughout the whole duration of my up and coming OBE. What happened to me next was completely out of this world, I was definitely not prepared for what was about to happen to me and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to face this again, the fear is still there. In retrospect I believe it was the most amazing experience of my life and probably will be for ever after but at the time it was not pleasant.
I began to lose all sense of reality; from where I was (literally; planet earth), what I 'should do' with my girlfriend (referring to sex), to what am I (human) and what reality consists of (society, friends, television, buildings, cars, etc). During this period of I'd say about 5 minutes (even though it felt like a strenuous and stressful 2 hours) I had a mild flash of reality and was completely disgusted. The first 5 minutes of this 20-30 minute experience (excluding the prior 1 hour & 15 minute bardo) I was slowly losing a grip on reality. I manage to muster the effort for the occasional toss of the arm to throw my blanket away from me and then eventually to pull it up again. I was fluctuating between extreme heat and extreme cold. That was the only glimpse of reality (the toss of my arm) that I had because I couldn't even see myself, let alone the see the pictures, hear the music or do anything humanly.
After about 5 minutes I eventually came to a place that was filled with bright white light glowing absolutely everywhere in my vision. If I recall correctly I imagined it being just a round sphere illuminating light and love. A transparent image was being repeatedly looped over and over again, though my whole vision was engulfed by hundreds of these images. I unfortunately do not remember what that image was, there was more important issues for me at that moment. For about 15 - 20 minutes I had lost completely all motor skills, literally. At the 15 mark (including the first 5 minutes) I had no recollection of reality, society, mother, father, girlfriend, friends, everything was completely forgotten. I had forgotten what reality consisted of, mentioning that I didn't know that I was a human being and obviously 'complete' loss of reality.
There was no time, it came to a stop. Time was not a factor, there was no aging, growing old or any human emotions that are attached with these troubles. Everything was one and I was everything. I was the trees, hills, mountains, your brother, your sister, mother, dirt, paper, pen, mother earth and the universe. The universe was me and I was the universe. Every star, blade of grass or drop of water, breeze of cold air on a warm day, was essentially me. There was also some melodic music playing lightly if I recall correctly.
During the whole 25 minute experience, there was no language barrier but instead I knew I was 'lost' and kept attempting to regain human thoughts. I just 'knew' everything, I had 'experienced' everything. I 'was' everything. I was engulfed in this weird place for what felt like hours but as soon I was out of the OBE, I could recall how long it was and what just happened. 'I just had a rebirth,' I had literally died and had what I would call a rebirth.
I came back after about 25 - 30 minutes and was overwhelmingly happy. Soon as my sense of reality and vision came back I proceeded to jump up and the rest of my trip was very pleasant. Though I remember after the experience I felt like I wasn't tripping at all but I'm sure it was what I had been through. I was tripping but that experience was just so intense that I felt like I was completely normal.
I've been meditating a lot more as of recently and I try to use Psilocybin as a release and spiritual exploration. The trips that I've had previously have never been this intense, ever. Nothing has even come close. I've tried various things and tripping has taught me a lot about myself and reality. I want to mention that the whole process was extremely stressful and prior to the experience I was getting more and more stressed with the lack of motor skills I had which probably didn't help me. After the OBE I was completely fine and happy though.
I do not recommend trying to induce this experience with large amounts of any psychedelics. I believe it will happen to you when you're ready and trying to induce such experience is not pleasant at the time.
I hope if I get this chance again it will not be wasted, again.
Hope you enjoyed the story of my rebirth.
My pro-tip: tea is a lot stronger than just ingesting dried/fresh mushrooms.
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