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Ave Maria
Mushrooms & Lisdexamfetamine
by Sebs
Citation:   Sebs. "Ave Maria: An Experience with Mushrooms & Lisdexamfetamine (exp94025)". Erowid.org. Sep 6, 2022. erowid.org/exp/94025

 
DOSE:
60 mg oral Lisdexamfetamine (capsule)
  1.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
  1.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)

BODY WEIGHT: 135 lb


Background Information:

Age/Sex: 18, Male
Height: 6' 6'
Weight: 135 pounds
Year of experience: 2011

Over the years I have taken many pharmaceutical and more recently recreational drugs. The prescriptions have been for ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, 'Psychosis' (Anti-Psychotic), and a few other disorders which are similar or associated with these.

I have been prescribed Lisdexamfetamine for a number of years now, and I would like to believe it helps me. Though often I have felt as if it 'cancels out' experiences with recreational drugs I take, but in order to function at the level desired I ingest it every day, regardless of what other drug may be introduced to my body. One last note, I feel it's necessary to add my height to demonstrate how small my body is, in correlation to the amount of drugs ingested.

Trip Report:

The idea of taking mushrooms again had crossed my mind a few times in the past few weeks. My best friend of six years (whom I will refer to as Ivanna) had recently explained to me that she'd be moving to France soon for a job, and said 'we should trip together before I go.' In agreement I set on a quest to acquire magic mushrooms. Almost immediately, another friend of mine told me that I could get some from their dealer. Not exactly sure what to expect, I bought 6g of them, because I wanted to have enough for the both of us. The dealer told me that the strain was called 'Penis Envy', because when grown they look like flaccid penises. He also told me that I wouldn't need any more than 1.5g for one person, due to their potent nature.

After picking Ivanna up from a bar with the intentions of eating shrooms that night, we drove to my step-dad's house. This house is probably my favorite place to trip, simply because it is the largest house I have ever been in. Now, usually before a trip I don't eat anything, but my siblings had ordered pizza and I was not about to pass at the offer. We ate and then proceeded into the basement which is an extremely wide open space, and in my opinion… suitable environment for tripping.

Unfortunately we had to wait an hour or two to take the mushrooms. My youngest sister was also downstairs with us, and I didn't want her to know what was going on. Eventually I asked her to go upstairs, and she did. The moment we'd been waiting for had arrived.

Scrambling anxiously, I grabbed the plastic bag filled with mushrooms. Just to be safe, I grabbed my scale and began weighing them out. At first I took the dealers advice and measured out 1.5g for each of us. Disgusted by the taste of the mushrooms, I quickly devoured my share. Ivanna ate her's slowly as she picked them apart while admiring their curious stature.

About 20 minutes later, we both decided that it would be a good idea to watch a movie, and I recommended that we watch the classic, 'Fantasia'. It had been years since either of us had watched it, so why the hell not? At this time I could feel a little bit of euphoria, but I'm pretty sure that it was produced from excitement and my adrenaline pumping.

The movie began, and I was captured by the skilled orchestra and the intensity of the conductor who was a shadow among colored lights. The transitioning of the colors was brilliant, and even without psychedelics, simulate the 'melting of colors' which people tend to experience while under the influence.

I shall try my best to describe in detail what happened as the movie went on, but there are only bits and pieces that stick out in my mind. The first animation began, and I watched as little faeries sprinkled dew on spider webs. It was at this point I started feeling a body high which I wasn't too familiar with. It was pleasant, but I felt the urge to move around where I was sitting.

While watching this scene, I told Ivanna, 'I just don't understand how people could put so much dedication into something. It seemed nearly impossible to draw picture after picture, frame, after frame, after frame… but the thought of satisfaction from such an accomplishment must be worth it…' Then the faeries all compiled into one colorful firework of glittering dust.

What is this now? Mushrooms! They began dancing around the screen, Ivanna just couldn't get over how cute they were and I agreed. How funny, I thought to myself. Mushrooms in a movie after we've ingested them. Ho ho ho! At least it was funny to me at the time, but little did I know that there would be more coincidences to come.

The next few scenes are a bit of a blur. I started to become distracted by how vivid colors were, not only in the movie, but in the room. Sinking back into the couch, the basement seemed to be even wider and more open, and I was feeling extremely happy. I commented on how trippy the colors were in the movie and how it was obviously referencing psychedelics. Ivanna replied, 'They're artists man, you know where their heads are…' She also made some humorous remark regarding the creepy fish on the screen, who were trying to seduce her.

Around the time Mickey Mouse showed up as the sorcerer's apprentice, I was having a bit of trouble juggling between concentrating on the movie and what Ivanna was saying. Then I did something spontaneous for a change. I told Ivanna that I wanted to eat more shrooms, but I didn't know how much more I should ingest. She told me I should just go for it, grab a mushroom I like, and eat it. Though she had never taken mushrooms before, I trusted her judgement and began looking for a mushroom. This was more complicated then I thought. It seemed as if I couldn't decide on a shroom. I stared into the bag for a good ten minutes, and then told Ivanna I couldn't decide and asked her to do it for me. She poked fun at me, and then picked one out for me that ended up weighing 1.5g by itself. The texture of the mushroom was strange to me… not only that, but the entire concept of chewing was practically foreign to me at this point.

After the scene had ended and I ate my mushroom, Ivanna asked if I had any paper and drawing utensils. I have always wished I could draw extremely well, and though I am decent and passionate about art.. Ivanna is the expert when it comes to drawing. After assuring Ivanna would be okay by herself for a bit, I attempted to stand up, but stumbled around for a minute. 'Having trouble?', she asked. I laughed and proceeded to scurry up the stairs in search of paper. If I remember correctly, I ran back and forth for about 15-20 minutes to the same two locations looking for paper, forgetting I had already looked there, and then running back to the other location.

Returning with the art utensil's in hand, I looked at the couch and saw that Ivanna had completely wrapped herself into a cocoon made of blanket. When she heard me sit down, Ivanna poked her head out of the blanket. The next scene in Fantasia was 'The Pastoral Symphony', which is one of the memories that replays in my head over and over nowadays. It was at this moment my trip started to become much more intense.

The creatures and scenery were practically jumping out of the TV at me. All of the colors were extremely vibrant, it was almost as if I could feel the colors on my skin and in my body. Everything was flickering different tints and hues.. and it was just so breathtaking. Then suddenly, I felt a strange sensation rolling down the side of my face. I swept my hand across my cheek… What is this? Is this… a tear? 'It's been years since I've cried', I thought to myself.

More hot tears began to stream down my face. Not wanting Ivanna to know, I tried to wipe them off my face. This worked until I broke down and started to sob uncontrollably. She said, 'Bro, are you crying right now?' I replied, 'I don't even know. I just can't put it into words. Everything is so beautiful, and I'm so happy.' She then said, 'It's alright. It's meant to be experienced…' (That moment sticks out profoundly in my mind. Maybe it was the way she said it, but it was meaningful to me.)

Still weeping, and after a long silence I exclaimed 'I think I understand now.' to which Ivanna responded, 'Do you understand? Do you really?' I'm not sure, but I believe she was intending to imply that no one can ever really understand.

My tears were rapidly beginning to change from 'happy tears' to tears of agony. I began to loathe myself, and kept repeating 'Why didn't I see it this way before?' While all this was happening, the second to last scene 'Night on Bald Mountain' began to play. This intense display of darkness is something I instantly connected with. I began to feel like I was dying, as night swept over the land, destroying and killing everything it touched.
I began to feel like I was dying, as night swept over the land, destroying and killing everything it touched.


In my mind, I was the demon in Fantasia, wrapping bold clouds around myself. I could feel myself dying. I was sure of it. I glanced over at Ivanna, and noticed that she was drawing. What I saw was a drawing of me, crying. Throughout all of these years we've been friends, I've asked her if she would draw a picture/portrait of me. Though, I knew she wouldn't unless only she herself was motivated to do it, not because I wanted her to… because that takes the enjoyment out of drawing. I was in awe, and amazed that out of all times to draw me, she chose now. She looked up at me with an awkward face when she saw that I had been watching her draw for a few seconds. Then I convinced myself that I didn't even want to look, because I was so disgusted with myself. This is where I hit rock bottom, and was convinced I was dead.

Ivanna then said, 'I seriously recommend drawing right now. It's quite an experience.' I grabbed a bright orange sharpie that I had brought down, and began to draw. She was right, it felt absolutely amazing. It was as if the picture was falling out of my hand, and just flowing onto the paper. While concentrating on the awesomeness that is drawing, I failed to notice that the last scene of Fantasia had begun to play. I began to hear the most beautiful recording of 'Ave Maria' I have ever come across, being played in the background. As I continued to smoothly glide my sharpie across the page, the song kept building, my trip was intensifying, and now at a much more rapid pace.

Finally, at the exact moment of what I consider to be the most powerful and moving note of 'Ave Maria' was played, I peaked. All consciousness of reality was lost, and everything that was concrete in this world disappeared. I could only see what was in my mind. It was at that very moment, that I became God. There is no possibly way I could describe this to anyone. It all flashed in an instant. I felt so powerful, strong, and for the first time… proud of myself.

Weeping tears of joy, I fell to my knees and held myself. I had achieved perfection, and though it only lasted for a split second it meant the world to me. Shortly after this, I realized I had just experienced ego-death. For 30 minutes, I said nothing. I could not comprehend anything in the physical realm. Eventually I began to connect the dots and make sense of things.

Later that week, I was looking through the program for Fantasia. It seemed to me as if everything in the movie seemed to somehow relate directly to my trip. Reading through it, something caught my eye. It was the name of the finale… 'Ave Maria' (Life after Death).

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 94025
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Sep 6, 2022Views: 470
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Mushrooms (39) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Mystical Experiences (9), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)

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