DOSE: T+ 0:00	2 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(dried)
T+ 0:45	4 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis	(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I've been wanting to share this experience for a while now and am finally getting around to it. Prior to this experience I had tried mushrooms twice before, both in small doses (1.5 grams) to get my feet wet before diving in. Both of my previous experiences were amazing in and of themselves. However, the one I'm about to relate was absolutely live changing.

Setting- home alone in my apartment. The only other living creature present was my beloved cat Rocky.

It was about 1 AM. I decided that I would have another mushroom experience, so I consumed 2 grams dried, expecting and planning on having an experience similar to ones I had before. After the effects came on I decided that this was the night I was going to go all the way. So I consumed an additional 4 grams about 45 minutes after ingesting the initial 2 grams. It was time to play the waiting game...

In my previous experiences I was always terrified to look in the mirror. The reflection I saw wasn't just a reflection. It was as if there was actually someone in the mirror looking back at me. I decided I would waiting for the rest of the mushrooms to kick in by conquering my fear of the man in the mirror. So I took the mirror off my wall and resolved to stare at it until I no longer felt any fear or anxiety from it. I sat on the couch with the mirror in my lap and just stared at the image in the mirror. It was terrifying as usual. But as I got more used to the electrifying sensation, the fear subsided. My face would look normal at first and then morph into an old man. I actually saw myself as an old man! This was insane. Then I would morph back into my normal self. Then I would morph into a vampire, complete with glowing red eyes and fangs.

After a while of doing this, I began to look at other things in the mirror. It was like looking into another dimension. It was my apartment but... different. Then I decided it would be cool to go get some glow sticks and play with them. So I pulled out 4 bracelet sized glow sticks (each a different color) and play with them in the mirror. I put one in my mouth. It looked so cool! I began chewing on it and the liquid inside poured into my mouth. The inside of my mouth was now glowing green. 'What the fuck did I just do?!', I thought to myself. The taste was horrible but the visual was amazing! By this time I figured that the other shrooms had kicked in by now and that this was to be the peak of my experience. I could not have been more wrong...

I decided that I should probably go to the bathroom. So I went to my bathroom and began to pee. My dick felt so weird. It was like it was just some piece of skin hanging off my body. Normally I’m like any guy. I love my dick. A lot. I didn’t like the way I was feeling about my dick, so I was very happy to put it back in my pants.

I then looked at the giant mirror in front of me. The entire wall in my bathroom is one giant mirror. It makes the room look twice as big. It was incredible. I then got a brilliant idea. I would cut the ends of the glow sticks off and spray the glow juice all over the mirror and walls! So I did just that. It was amazing! It was like I was in outer space with a bunch of multi-colored stars everywhere. All I wanted to do was lay down and enjoy the scenery. So I grabbed my towel and spread it out on the bottom of my bathtub and prostrated myself on top of it. This is when the REAL trip began.

All of a sudden I was flying through space and time. I could close my eyes or open them but I saw the same thing either way. I was flying through a multi colored kaleidoscope tunnel, going faster and faster and faster until BAM! I was laying in a bed. I was old and dying on my death bed. I looked around the room and was confused at first. This wasn’t my room. This was my Grandpa’s room the day he died. And the family I saw surrounding the bed looking down on me were my aunts and uncles, parents, my grandma, cousins. And then I saw myself looking down on me. What the hell?! I can’t really explain how I knew, but I then realized that I somehow had become my own grandpa. And I was about to die (as he had done 6 years previous to this experience).

It was terrifying. I was somehow my grandpa and I was also about to die. I had always avoided thinking about my own death. And I had never really come to terms with what I really believed about life after death since losing faith in the religion I was brought up in. Yet here I was, being forced to confront my own mortality, through the eyes of my grandfather.

And then, I died. I don’t know how to explain the feeling, other than I just knew that I had passed on. And yet I was still there. I had died, but not really. It then hit me. My own grandfather was REALLY dead, because I was still alive. Part of him is in me, and all of his other descendants. For the first time I no longer feared death as the end. As long as your family still continues, you will continue. And on a broader scale, as long as the human race continues, you continue. It was an incredible feeling at the time.

And then suddenly I was me again. And I was a baby. And I was laying on my mother’s lap. I was resting my head on her breasts as children do. And then I couldn’t help it- I cried like a baby. And I mean literally, like a baby! It was the kind of unbridled bawling that says “I need comfort!” that only babies can really produce. Babies cry as a way of expressing themselves to others. And here I was. Literally crying my eyes out for no other particular reason than I just needed the comfort of my mother. And there she was comforting me as she had done when I was a baby. It felt amazing.

It was as if I had died and been reborn. I had my whole life in front of me. And for the first time in YEARS I felt so empowered by the feeling that I could make my life whatever I wanted. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I saw the faces of my family. My brothers and sisters. I felt such an extreme love for them- a love that hadn’t allowed myself to feel for years. I was overcome with a strong desire to have them with me to share this feeling.

I then realized how I had allowed the love of my life to get away. She left because I never allowed myself to share this part of me I was now experiencing with her. If I had only been this open and loving to her, as she was to me, we would still be together and she would not be in the arms of someone else. This also was empowering because I realized what I needed to do the next time I fall in love. I need to bring them into this space that I was now in- this incredible place of love and openness. I realized that life is literally love. Life cannot exist without love. I just can’t.

By this time, it was starting to get light outside. I could see the ever increasing bluish glow around the bathroom door (with had been closed the whole time). I sat there looking at the door as the glow kept getting brighter and brighter. It was like a portal to the real world. I had been on this journey and as soon as I walked out of that door my new life would really begin. It was an incredible feeling. Once I walked out that door, I could do whatever I wanted. I could be whoever I wanted. I cried again.
By the time I was ready to enter the real world again, the sun was in full glow. The bluish hue of color surrounding the door had turned into a golden yellow. It was time. I emerged from my temple a new man. I saw Rocky laying on the floor outside. He had likely been sitting there the entire time waiting for me to come out. I sat down next to him and shared my love with him for several minutes. He seemed to enjoy the gentle stroking and kisses. My heart was overwhelmed with love and I just needed to talk to someone. Who would be awake at this hour? The only person I knew would be awake was my friend in Scotland. So I called her and chatted with her for an hour about life. I had never been this open with her and I could tell she thoroughly enjoyed the conversation.

I sat in my window sill overlooking the city admiring the beauty of the world. What a marvelous experience this life is. We are here and we are the masters of our universe. I wanted this feeling to last forever. I went to bed lingering in the afterglow of my experience until I drifted off to sleep…

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 95007
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Feb 13, 2022	Views: 873
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : General (1), Alone (16)