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Helped With My Mindset
Mushrooms - P. cubensis
by Spiritwalkers Flame
Citation:   Spiritwalkers Flame. "Helped With My Mindset: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp96157)". Erowid.org. May 15, 2019. erowid.org/exp/96157

 
DOSE:
1.75 g oral Mushrooms - P. cubensis

BODY WEIGHT: 105 lb


Mushrooms: DMT's Retarded Little Brother

Well, that wasn't what I expected, but it was probably one of the most profound, loving molecules I've ever ingested. I'd like to start off by saying my husband and I have used DMT (the orange mothballs, not the brew) for several years, a few times a year, and the occasional salvia. He had used mushrooms in the past, but it had been over 10 years. I had never used them, so I was naturally a bit nervous.

T: 0:00
I remembered how harsh and unforgiving the DMT molecule is to the psyche, and seeing as how the two were chemically similar, I thoroughly cleaned the house and we both took showers and prepared ourselves for the trip. He ingested about 2.5 g, while I ate about 1 g, then decided to go ahead and eat the rest, which brought the total to 1.75g for me.

T: +2:00
We still had not even started to feel anything more than a little skin coldness and a few tracers, and after about 3 hours, we were about to head off to bed because nothing seemed to be happening.

T: +3:00
Then suddenly, as he went to the bathroom and I got up to get some more water, it hit.

There were the usual elements of the lighter DMT trip, such as the geometric patterns (although much more pleasant and less bright and boistrous as DMT, which was more than welcome) and as we watched Pink Floyd - “Pulse” (from 1994), the trip started to become very meaningful and nostalgic to me.
the trip started to become very meaningful and nostalgic to me.


T: +4:00
I'm seeing my friends and relatives and people close to me and my husband who had passed on. I had not allowed myself to think about how much I missed all of them until then, and tears began to roll down my cheeks and it felt really, REALLY good, I felt like an underground reservoir that just overflowed. It felt so natural and so innately human to let myself become “Divine” for a brief moment and realize that because we had been able to feel those people's energy and know them and remember them, they are still all here. I contemplated the “weaving” nature of mankind's interactions with each other and the effect that their energy signature leaves upon the world, long after they had left. I realize that my getting older is just another affirmation of that beautiful cycle, and that I should deeply appreciate every single person that has affected my life, good AND bad, because they have added to what would otherwise be a bland, colorless existence of pure ego.

T: +5:00
Husband's starting to get stomach cramps, but I'm still doing fine. Getting to the deeper layers of my psyche, now. The ones that I would usually rather not mess with (such as my addictive personality type and my rigid ways of thinking and fear and lack of excitement about things in my life changing) seem to be calm and “ready to talk” now. This is where it gets really interesting.

T: +5:30
I split up into 2 parts: the higher self was me, and a skinnier, scared-looking girl sat on the other side of the room. I recognized her as the abandoned little girl I had been as a baby, and all the hurt of a pretty messed-up childhood and first marriage into early adulthood. I recognized that all this time, she's been held as a slave because although my addictions have been horrific and terrifying, this part of myself had been set up as an “alter” if you will, to protect my ego all those years and essentially keep myself alive in a spiritual sense.

I then knew what I needed to do. I realized that in order for me to grow, I had to see her as a stepping stone to who I am now (a healthy, vibrant being sharing love and light with the world) and release her, to let her go. I looked at her, and said, “Thank you for serving me well enough to get me to where I am now, but I no longer need you to care for me. I release you...you're free.” Then, she kind of melted into the now-breathing walls and geometric patterns starting to become more intense now.

T: +6:00

Everything then became hilariously silly. I saw things that made no sense whatsoever but were incredibly funny (dogs coming out of drainpipes, hot dogs coming out of my enemies' mouths over and over, and people riding on bologna rafts). I shared these silly visions with my husband, who also laughed heartily with me. It was like being a baby again, with all of its bubbly innocent laughter and nonsensical visions. This was my favorite part of the trip.

T: +7:00

Both husband and I are still glowing, but getting more tired now. The visions fade back into tracers and slowly-moving patterns on the walls and furniture. We drank a lot of water and watched a little Monty Python while drifting off to sleep.

T: +12:00
I wake up naturally and am pleased to learn that the after-effects are minimal and I don't feel like I'm “coming down” at all. I'm tired, yes, but the trip was very fulfilling and really helped with my mindset and making me realize what I want out of life and my interactions with others now.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 96157
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 30 
Published: May 15, 2019Views: 586
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2)

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