DOSE:

22 g

oral

Mushrooms

(fresh)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

Dosage: 22grams wet
Trip level: 3
Time of ingestion: 11:00pm

I have read a fair amount of literature on the topic of Psilocybin mushrooms and I thought I knew what to expect from such an experience, perhaps I was wrong. It was a cloudy night which nearly deterred me from taking my first serious trip because I was hoping to revel and admire at the stars outside during my trip. But little did I know that I would never even leave the room I started my trip in. At approx 11:00 pm I made the coin toss decision to ingest 22grams of wet shrooms (Creepers). My girlfriend was in bed and I did my ritualistic routine of checking for monsters under the bed and in the closet for her, ironically it was the potential monsters hiding in my cranial closet that I was most worried about.

Preparation: I vaccuumed my favorite rug in the 'music room' till it was spotless, the room has a zen like atmosphere with deep tapestries draped on the wall, retro furniture, dramatic lighting and a all around feeling of solidarity and mysticism. This was an important setting because I wanted to immerse into my self conscience and scrape the paint off the walls of perception in my mind. I wanted to see what was behind the walls of the ego, to see what was being hidden every time I patched a damaged hole in there with spackle and plaster. I also wanted to show respect and humility for a drug with such a powerful potential, so I thought it was appropriate to prepare for such an undertaking by dressing in nice clothes. I put on my dress pants and a nice shirt, shaved and brushed my teeth, did my hair and ok'd my appearance in the mirror. 'Yes, I look presentable'.

Onset: About 45 minutes after ingesting the shrooms I was hit by the first 'wave' of it's effects and I immediately thought 'oh no, I've taken too much'. But then I quickly had a realization, If I tell myself I've taken too much, then I will have set a fearful tone for the remainder of the trip, so I quickly decided that whatever the trip entailed and whatever was to come, I would submit to it. I would completely surrender to whatever lay in store for me. I felt no nausea as I began to sink into the arms of the drug, my body began to grow heavy. I sat on the sofa, arm on the arm rest, leg crossed gentleman style, chin up and my gaze straight ahead. Directly in front of me was my guitar amplifier which began to grow in height at an alarming rate. Somehow it continued to grow but it never got any bigger, I could still see it expanding in the surrounding dimension and my eyes widened with awe, yet there it was, still the same size I've always known.

1st wave: By now the induction of the drug had made a poor example of my posture and I began to slump in my seat finding it increasingly difficult to erect myself (NO, not like that). Things began to swirl in an elegant dance of fluid elasticity, the pattern on the rug was luring me in and the force of gravity began to win the battle over my posture, as I submitted to it on my hands and knees, then elbows and knees, then sprawled out in ultimate submission to gravity and submission to the psilocybin. I realized that the floor always wins in life, and the floor is our ultimate fate when we die, the floor never looses a fight. As I lay sprawled out I felt a in synch with the intentions of nature, because it felt like I was offering the return of the borrowed elements of matter that compose my body. Offering myself back to the earth. There I laid laughing for no reason other than the absurdity of my condition. This lost fight to gravity was frighteningly peaceful and tranquil.

2nd wave: I felt my mind wanting to dredge up the issues in my life, honing in on my shortcomings like a cognitive sniper with a laser on a unsuspecting pedestrian just walking by, I knew the trip would go horribly wrong so instead of running from the snipers laser, I simply kept walking as though I didn't notice. Maybe the sniper would feel some remorse, or maybe he wouldn't be inclined to shoot by the casual manner of my walk. So I kept mentally walking, I did, I did till I was out of range of that cognitive sniper. I had dodged his bullet. At this point I found my salt lamp on the floor, you may have seen one before, it's a amber/pinkish crystal with a light bulb inside and it's made from a large natural salt crystal. I was fascinated by it's glow, tantalized by it's warmth, so much so that I, still laying on the soft rug, licked the salt lamp, I didn't care, all I wanted was to experience it, so yes, I licked it and It was marvelous, it's salty sweetness reminded me of the skin of a beautiful woman in a seductive moment. Yes, I licked it.

3rd wave: By now the trip seemed to be at a high point, but it wasn't over yet. The 3rd rush of the drug hit me hard as I was looking at the glowing salt rock, it's surface began to broil like a bed of coals, I watched it in terror as the structure of that crystal sizzled and ignited like the surface of the sun raging with energy and fervor, granulating and tossing like a sea of embers. I was horrified because this was as real as anything I had ever seen before and although I knew it must be a hallucination, I couldn't break eye contact, I couldn't, I was tranced in a state of awe, terror and left gasping for air. till the crystal slowly simmered out in a elegant exit. After this, I decided to turn off the light and immerse myself in complete blackness, I clicked off the salt lamp and the room went dark. Very dark. I was hoping to encounter something different but surprisingly, I became disinterested in the blackness of the room and I dragged myself across the floor to a far wall. Against that wall, I knew there was a light that was unplugged from the outlet but i couldn't see it. In pitch blackness my hand extended towards the wall and precisely grabbed the dangling cord of the light, then with zero visibility, I inserted the plug perfectly into the outlet, the equivalent of a 'swoosh' in basketball. As the light came on, I was amazed to see the pile of random stuff that was blocking the outlet. Somehow I had blindly navigated all of the stuff and plugged the lamp in with robot like precision in complete blackness and a apparently drug enhanced perception!

Final wave: The drug hit me at full force, I closed my eyes and my ego began to separate from my mind, in that I mean I began to see myself from inside myself. I was me looking at me from in my mind. I saw the operations room of my body, the control tower, the circuit board of my operation. There I was sitting at the control panel in my mind and I was pulling levers and pushing buttons (metaphorically). I pushed the control panel button that basically said 'surveillance camera' and the camera was on a robotic arm which swung to look at me at the operating board. I looked at the man operating this 'camera' and then asked 'if I'm looking at the man at the control panel then who is perceiving this footage?'

Each time the 'camera' zoomed in on the operator (my ultimate consciousness), I was left wondering who was looking at the camera because It couldn't be me because I was at the operating board. Who was it that was looking at me, looking at me, looking at me... who was looking at me etc. An infinite redundancy, a never resolving conundrum, a cyclic regression of perception, a loop tape being experienced by the man filming the loop tape. It was at this point when I realized that I was a wave of energy, a pulse of frequency, or a swelling wave in a ocean of life. I was operating a machine (my body) and in a spectacular separation of mind and body, I began pulling levers and pushing buttons causing me to toss and turn on the floor like a controlled seizure. I was behind the wheel of a human body and for the first time I saw a correlation between physical movement and intention. I 'played' with the levers for a seemingly infinite amount of time, resulting in my churning, tossing, rolling, pitching and contorting in a dance on the soft floor. I was fully aware of the ridiculousness of my movements and any outside observer would have called an ambulance to tranquilize me and my seemingly wild movements, but I was in full control and enjoying every moment. I yanked on these levers with no concern for my physicality because in seeing that the physical is just a state of matter I was amazed at the realization that I could maneuver this matter being my body. I found that pain was only a matter of perception, and I saw how to theoretically overcome any threshold of pain in this manner. I also found what I perceived to be the most important question to ask, ..: WHY am I asking a question?

This question is the essence of its-self and the nature of this question approaches the unresolvable parallel of the 'operator watching himself watching himself'. But it's a question that needs to be asked, why are we asking a question at all? Why do we scratch an itch? What is it behind us that causes us to even have a desire to ask a question. 'Because I need to know' is NOT the answer and it IS the only answer at the same time. A infinite game a catch ensues. I throw the ball, you catch it, why did i throw it? So you could catch it. Why did you catch it? So you can throw it.

Overview: Amazing experience. I can only hope that my future trips will be this revealing. Thanks for reading.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96189
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Feb 3, 2023	Views: 592
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