DOSE:

1

oral

Mushrooms

(edible / food)

BODY WEIGHT:

210 lb

I have a lot of experience with drugs and tripping. I have done a lot of LSD, psilocybin, etc. I had not tripped on mushrooms in a long time; my most recent experiences with the substance had been overwhelming, chaotic, and unpleasant, but that had been due mostly to the situation and people I was around. Tonight I was going to trip by myself - I knew this was risky, but I was in my comfortable apt. with various helpful resources to enrich the trip. I waited an annoyingly long time for my friend to arrive with the single mushroom chocolate. Honestly, my mindset going into the trip was mainly that I wanted to get high/fucked up. Also, I was getting irritated/anxious as I waited for him to arrive with the drug, as he was taking a long time. When he finally got there, I looked at the small, star-shaped chocolate and doubted whether it would be enough. However, within about 10 minutes of eating it, I already felt a distinct body high and I felt giddy.

The effects intensified exponentially as the minutes passed. 'Ah, yes, the old familiar feelings,' I thought to myself as I listened to music and doodled on a sketch pad. The feelings quickly took on a chaotic/overwhelming quality. I thought 'Maybe this was a mistake.' There were moments when I just wanted the trip to end; I just wanted to go back to my dull, confident existence, because the general feeling I had could only be described (by me) as 'unstable.' The fun of the trip was swallowed by a feeling of not being in control, of not knowing what would happen next. The trip remained difficult throughout the night, but what changed was that I realized there were lessons involved. I thought about my Mom, and about how she was aging and how she wished she could be young and vivacious again. This resulted in a long-lost feeling of love/tenderness within me...subtle, but distinct. Something I had been missing.

I can't remember a lot of the details of the trip, but I reached a couple of profound conclusions about life by the end. One was that, in some weird sense, nothing really matters. It sounds nihilistic, but at the time it seemed like a necessary realization of which I had to keep reminding myself. It seemed that every/any action, situation etc. had the same balance of upsides/downsides as anything else. Anything could be learned from, everything had some kind of benefit. My other major realization was that consciousness/reality was a neverending continuum. There is no conclusion. It just keeps going, ever-present, ever-unfolding.

I feel like a new person after that trip. I feel younger on the inside, more pure, more happy.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 97816
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Jan 14, 2021	Views: 519
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Mushrooms (39) : General (1), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)