Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa
Citation: Sausages. "Questions Answers Healing and Fun: An Experience with Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (exp98641)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2021. erowid.org/exp/98641
3.8g dried psilocybe subaeruginosa. Down the Hatch. Buy the ticket, take the ride. I'm alone. Remind myself whatever happened, I would come out myself at the other end. This was my second foray into the psilocybin trip. Wait for it. What the hell am I doing? Seriously, what am I going to do? I write that down, 'what am I doing'. If this was DXM, I'd just fit the pattern, the habit. But I feel so aware. I need to actually accomplish something.
The colours emerge. The patterns on the carpet start to move. I'm listening to Shpongle. I've never listened to Shpongle before. I don't like it, it's the wrong energy, disruptive, alien. What else do I try? I put Bonobo on. I'd only ever heard one of his songs before. I wasn't a huge fan. This was a completely different vibe. Human, playful. I love it. I need to do the dishes. There's a nymph here, not visible, just present. She beckons me to join her in dance. Oh my god, is that just a part of me? Am I a woman? I think I am! Explains a lot. Except I'm a man. I'm both. I used to joke about being a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Now I'm not so sure I was joking. Doesn't matter. A disturbing questioning of my sexuality, yet I'm satisfied with the answers. I'm me, that's all there is to it. Nothing changes, except understanding. I need to do the dishes.
I'm washing the dishes. I'm dancing. I'm thinking. I'm laughing. This is fantastic. What am I doing? Dishes done, enough. Lie down, close my eyes. I'm immersed in the music, it paints a picture for me. My visual mind is being used for other things. Like using your graphics card for folding@home, perhaps. It's processing higher things, energies, emotions. The music guides me, and I immerse myself in it. Muscles twitch. Open my eyes stare at the ceiling. Except it's not the ceiling I'm looking at. It's a god of light I never believed in. A goddess. Who loves me. Unconditionally. It's beautiful. Telepathy. I question. Why do bad things happen? 'Because they must. Because I love you. Because you need to learn to love yourselves.' I understand. It cannot be any other way. The goddess withdraws. I have been healed, cleansed. Baggage is gone. I didn't ask for that. I didn't think I deserved it. Everyone deserves healing. Everyone deserves love. Some people deserve termination, yet they still deserve love.
I'm coming back down. I feel amazing. The nymph is still there. She never says a word. She just revels in joy. She observes me. I do not know who she is. Old habits come back. Turn on the computer. Search for knowledge. I see every picture through the lens, as it was when it was taken. People doing things. Performing. Posing. We are all putting on a presentation for each other. That is our purpose as creative beings. I see pictures of machines of death. An array of machine guns, pointing from the belly of a plane, poised to kill. In black and white. It's just a machine. It's a soulless killer. It doesn't observe death. An unobserved death is a waste.
I'm almost back to normal. Everything off. I need to sleep. I have work tomorrow, early start. I thank the goddess for her guidance, her healing. I'm so full of energy. I close my eyes. Eventually sleep takes me.
Wake up the next day. I feel free.
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