Piecing Together the Shattered Parts of My Ego
Huasca Brew (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora), & B. caapi & Mushrooms - P. cubensis
Citation: Hypersphere. "Piecing Together the Shattered Parts of My Ego: An Experience with Huasca Brew (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora), & B. caapi & Mushrooms - P. cubensis (exp61263)". Erowid.org. Mar 17, 2007. erowid.org/exp/61263
|Mushrooms - P. cubensis
T+0:00: Mimosa hostilis 13 grams + Syrian rue 3 grams
T+16:00 Yellow Banisteriopsis caapi 15 grams + Psilocybe cubensis 1.5 grams
Age/Sex: 22, male
Weight: 120 pounds
Year of experience: 2007
I am very experienced with a variety of psychedelic drugs, having used a variety of tryptamines and phenethylamines. Mushrooms are the ally I am most comfortable with and I had combined 1 to 3 grams of mushrooms with 1 to 3 grams of syrian rue with positive results several times in the past. I had one prior experience mixing mushrooms and caapi (Erowid experience ID = 57698). I had attempted the Mimosa/Rue mix once before using 2 grams of rue and 5 grams of Mimosa bark but this had proved very weak and left little impression on me.
No medications or other plants/herbs had been used in the previous week except for Cannabis and yerba mate which are an all-day-every-day thing for me usually. As a precaution only MAOI compatible food was eaten for two days prior and one day after the combined experiences. Consumption of yerba mate was limited to two cups daily during this period as I didnít want to risk developing a headache as some people have described.
The experience (written in the lingering aftermath):
Yesterday already seems like a world away so Iíd better write it down now before it fades. I had worked up the courage and felt psychologically ready to enter the world of Ayahuasca analogue brews. Under the advise of another member I was going to use the combination of syrian rue seeds and mimosa hostilis root bark.
A friend had recommended the combination of syrian rue seeds and Mimosa hostilis root bark. He told me '20 grams of mimosa, cooked three times, and possibly up to 10 grams of rue 'tea' boiled down to one shot. Very intense, and I think a good starting dose.' At this point I should mention that this is FAR ABOVE what anyone who is not very extremely experienced with psychedelics should contemplate taking. He was recommending this dosage to me as the full, immersive, mind-shattering kind of 'introduction'.
After reading some freaky reports of people apparently tripping balls on as little as eight grams, I decided to scale down the dosages somewhat. This might have been a mistake, as during the experience I felt no fear and could gave gone deeper. There was this little voice in the back of my head that said 'Okay, that looks like a lot of mimosa bark in the pot, that should be enough'? Ignore that voice. As Terence McKenna says, when in doubt, double the dosage.
I ended up making a brew of 13 grams of shredded Mimosa hostilis with 3 grams of syrian rue seeds lovingly sprinkled into the boiling concoction. I boiled the plant materials twice, adding some peppermint and stevia the second time to help with the taste (haha, nothingís gonna cover the taste of this stuff!). I combined the two extracts and boiled it down to around 2/3 of a cup of the most vile tasting purple alien blood ever. Tongue shudderingly bitter. Every sip screamed 'POISON'.
Drinking the brew took an amount of determination and around half an hour. Although there was definate stomach tightness from drinking the brew, it never evolved into an actual nauseated feeling, and I didnít purge thoughout the experience.
I combined the two extracts and boiled it down to around 2/3 of a cup of the most vile tasting purple alien blood ever. Tongue shudderingly bitter. Every sip screamed 'POISON'.
It was around the ten minute mark, when I was only about half way through the cup of tea, that I began to feel the effects come on. From there it was all steeply uphill to la-la land. After 20 minutes my sense of time stopped working, and around thirty minutes I laid down in my bed because I was totally fucked. There was an intense dissociation, I could feel my physical body being dissolved and digested by the drug, like I was blowing away in the wind particle by particle. Pure energy poured through me, and I found I could control literally every thought, every emotion, every slight muscle response in my body.
The rush was so intense I would keep involuntarily clenching up my muscles as if to resist the push of the drug. Then I would notice my clenched muscles and consciously relax them all, reaching very deep states of content. My thoughts flashed through my mind in waves, and Iíd see each thought as a fleeting, moving flash of colour in my mind. Open eye visuals consisted of a crawling motion and tracers when I waved my hands. The OEVs I found very much like mushrooms but the feeling of this drug was quite unlike mushrooms. The DMT gave a very high frequency buzzing feeling that I found more reminiscent of the cosmic LSD than the earthy mushrooms.
I began to come down somewhat from the peak of the high. It took me about fifteen minutes just to figure out the time. First step was remembering the current time.
'Itís 9:00 now' I would repeat to myself.
So I thought about this for a long time, and in the mean time went to the washroom and came back to my room. I had now progressed to knowing that I had ingested the brew at 7:30. Not only that, I stil remembered that it was 9:00 now. Quite an accomplishment, remembering two numbers at once! After a further several minutes of thought I came to the brilliant conclusion that an hour and a half had passed.
But wait? All that in only an hour and a half? It didnít seem possible. The time distortion had been so severe, I couldnít accept at first that so little time had passed. Iíd set aside several hours to be high and now less than two hours had passed and Iíd already been blasted into space and come back to earth. It was perplexing. On mushrooms Iíd just be peaking, and here I was coming into a very pleasant plateau instead.
There was an almost ridiculously heady euphoria at this stage. Like a good dose of MDMA, except of course for the visuals. I was feeling very very empathetic and at this stage concluded 'This drug is nothing but love.'
For another couple hours the experience tailed off, and it was clear to me that the DMT peak was long gone, and it was only really the rue I was feeling now. Rueís a very interesting drug, it seems very strongly antidepressant. All the fear and anxiety circuits in my brain were just switched off.
I came to thinking about the differences between rue and caapi. One of the things this Mimosahuasca brew impressed on me is that both the Mimosa and the Rue are male entities. They arenít particularly comforting, or nurturing. It may be a rough ride. But thereís this sense of total power, in a testosterone/adrenaline kind of way. Total exhileration, inflation, power trip. These plants are not here to cuddle with me, but if I can flow with them its an incredible rush. The Mimosahuasca brew struck me as a very powerful drug Ė a drug with healing properties, yes, but still a drug.
To me caapi seems a much more medicinal plant. Caapi is going to heal me, and she is a motherly, caring, nurturing plant (although like any good mother sheís not going to hold me back when the stream of life gets too intense). Rue doesnít mind if Iím just looking to get high. Caapi is more demanding of respect than the rue. On the comedown of this trip I smoked a lot of potent ganja and some hash as well, and this really brought out the euphoric side of the brew.
I had a rather bad sleep that night, I donít know if I was ever really asleep or just spent the whole night tossing and turning in a kind of waking dream state.
Surprisingly, though I felt reasonably rested and in a good mood in the morning. The afterglow from rue brews usually lasts a day or two for me. I went to a rather exhausting lab session, and when I came home decided more exploration was in order. The Mimosahuasca had raised my confidence (and arrogance?) levels regarding MAOI bearing plants. I was going to take caapi today, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I was stronger than this drug, and that the previous night had demonstrated that. I WAS WRONG.
I was going to take caapi today, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I was stronger than this drug, and that the previous night had demonstrated that. I WAS WRONG.
I boiled up 15 grams of yellow caapi with 1.5 grams of Psilocybe cubensis stems. The plant materials were boiled twice with peppermint and stevia added to the second boiling just as I had done with the Mimosahuasca. The Psilohuasca brew came out a funny creamy-yellow colour. The taste was definitely better than the Mimosahuasca. The caapi has a somewhat unsettling alkaloidal aftertaste but it much more tolerable than the Mimosa. It just tastes like really terrible tea. I was really quite curious as to how the brew would compare to the Mimosahuasca, and also hoping that the MAOIs would take care of any tolerance issues dosing two days in a row (in retrospect Ė no concerns on this point).
Again I drank the brew in about half an hour but this time it look longer to come on. My sense of time remained intact for a good 45 minutes after starting to drink the tea. This was around 12:30 and I knew I had to go back to the university around 3:30 to mark some final lab data (we were running TLC plates and my group was relying on me to come in that afternoon when they had finished running and mark the positions on the TLC paper before the signals faded). Somehow I thought I had enough time to trip balls and still come down and go do this lab stuff*
* Doing too many psychedelics can mess up your sense of time
Maybe it was because I had tripped and come back in two hours the day before, but somehow I was expecting to be relatively back to reality within three hours. Silly rabbit! Around 1:30 I looked at the clock and thought 'Okay, Iím totally tripping right now but thatís okay, itís still two hours before I have to go.' But instead of slacking off, this trip kept getting deeper and deeper. I was getting into some really deep trains of thought, rather depressing ones actually. CEVs of plane dogfights from WWII and elite SS soldiers marching in lines. I felt all my social obligations and expectations to be shackles on me, and wondered why I forced myself to be miserable so much of the time just to please other people. Suddenly itís 3:30 and Iím tripping harder than ever, what am I going to do?
The caapi vine was making it very clear to me that THE HEALING ISNíT OVER YET. All I wanted to do is lay there and try to keep sane as I watched the ceiling writhe and twist. But no, I had to start screwing myself up to going out into the world and dealing with shit. I began to get quite anxious. After a while I noticed a thick foamy spittle in my mouth, which about three seconds later became an intense need to vomit. Not that there was really anything in my stomach, but I did manage to throw up/spit up/blow out my nose vast amounts of foamy mucous (yes isnít that pleasant). Alright, fine, so Iím getting rid of all the accumulated poisons in my body. Well and good. But Iím supposed to be finishing my lab right now! Panic.
A second wave of purging comes over me. After it passes I see this little dead ladybug thatís been on my bathroom floor for a couple days. But wait! Itís moving, wriggling itís legs around! Iím so messed up that for a while I actually entertain the notion that I somehow brought this ladybug back to life. So Iím thinking about this ladybug, helpless on itís back, should I flip it over? Should I give it another chance at life? I look closer. Itís not alive at all. Rather thereís another bug chewing itís heart out. The wriggling legs I saw were the legs of a different bug entirely. This freaked me out and disgusted me a lot, but was a very good metaphor for how I was feeling at that exact moment in time. Like the world was a filthy insect chewing away at my vital organs.
So I finally get myself together and leave the house, another 45 minutes have passed what with the puking my guts out and all. Before leaving I look in the mirror and see my massive pupils and flesh white and pasty, drained of blood. Great. Everything should go smoothly, as long as no one looks as my saucer-sized pupils. I still canít believe Iím about to go into university while +++ tripping and just having purged on Psilohuasca. I must be crazy.
On the walk over Iím still screwing myself up to what I have to do, it becomes a game almost. There was an undeniable thrill at the thought of trying to navigate a normal every-day learning situation whilst having one of the most intense trips Iíd had in a long time. I mean, Iíve done lots of things whilst high on psychedelics. Just never biochemistry lab stuff. Thereís no reason I shouldnít be able to do it. I just canít fuck up. Itíll be really bad if I fuck up. I imagined suddenly puking a bunch of Psilohuasca all over my TLC plate. Yes, that would be hard to explain to my lab partners, wouldnít it?
I have to cross this overpass with a train station just before I get to the University, and Iím surpised to see one of my lab partners walking across the overpass at exactly the same time as me, but in the opposite direction.
She waves me over and says 'You arenít going to check the lab data now, are you?'
Alright, just play it cool, I say to myself. No one else knows whatís going on inside youíre head.
'Yes, Iím going there now' I reply to her.
She explains that she had just gone and checked the data, so that I donít need to go now.
What? I donít have to go? Hallelujah! My prayers have been answered!
Now I know how hard it is not to tell this cute girl youíre tripping balls on Psilohuasca, but just keep your mouth shut. She doesnít need to know. Iíd be a lot of hassle to explain. Itís too difficult to explain the concept of psilohuasca even when straight. Plus then she might think youíre some kind of freak. Who does a bunch of psychedelics and then goes to lab still tripping anyways? Whatís wrong with me? Does she know Iím on drugs? I think she knows. Well maybe not. I say goodbye to her and head off before making a fool out of myself.
So now Iím walking home, feeling very relieved, and kind of thinking that the caapi just 'arranged' things so that I wouldnít have to go into the university. I mean, what are the chances that my lab partner would spontaneously decide to check the data that I was supposed to be gathering, and not only that but I would run into her just after she checked the data, thus saving my poor schizophrenic mind from having to deal with it? Synchronicity at its finest.
I end up going for a walk in a park near my house because Iím still tripping very hard and walking is calming me down a little bit. There was this puddle of murky milky brown water flowing out of a parking lot and into the road. I spent a while standing and watching the beautiful swirling patterns made by the flow of the silty water. Hopefully no one was watching me as I probably looked pretty stupid completely dazzled and enthralled by a scummy puddle of water.
Iím walking past this elementary school and these five kids start giggling. You know, the 'lets try really hard not to laugh at this person as they go by' kind of giggling. Maybe I looked funny. I think I gave them the biggest contact high of their lives, because the closer I got the more and more hysterical their laughter became. Five kids killing themselves laughing at me whilst Iím tripping my ass off was a bit much to handle. What should I do? Well, I could just ignore them, pretend I canít here. Thatís what an adult should do, right? Instead I decided to throw a snowball at them. This only resulted in another wave of hysterical giggling and a couple snow balls half-heartedly thrown back at me.
'You suck! You call that a throw!' I yell back at them
Then I feel really weird. Iím insulting children and having a snowball fight whilst tripping. Is this what normal people do? Definitely not.
I continue walking and thereís this feeling that Iíve regressed to infancy. I was nothing but a big baby. To further this notion, I hear a baby screaming. This fat lady is walking down the block pushing her kid in a stroller, and the kid is bawling and bawling without end. I mean literally for five minutes I watched this lady plodding along, her infant screaming, clearly audible an entire field away. It was surreal. Donít you want to try and comfort your child? Are you hoping that by letting him cry now, his batteries will wind down?
I was feeling so many intense emotions at once I didnít know what to do with myself. I half wanted to die, because there was so much destruction all around me that was caused by humans. Senseless destruction. Like this area of trees I enjoy going to, but a lot of stupid stoners hang out there. They come and they break big branches and limbs off the trees for no real reason, just for some stupid entertainment because they are drunk and stoned. So the trees are scarred, and bleeding and wounded, and some even have spray paint graffiti on them. Itís no longer the comforting clean natural place it once was, where I could smoke a bowl under a spruce tree standing up, with the branches coming down to ground level all around me. Now all the lower branches are snapped off.
The other half of me felt more intensely alive than ever. Life, squared, cubed, to the ninth degree. Being so intensely alive that every breath hurts to take. The late afternoon sun was warm and comforting. I thought about the sun, and whether it could be considered to be God. Is the sun powerful enough to be God, I asked. To which the response was 'No, heís gone behind a cloud.'
Seeing as the sun was behind a cloud I began to get rather chilly and headed home. It was now around 4 and a half hours since beginning to drink the tea. I was still +++ tripping, but definitely beginning to repair. I didnít trust myself with any food yet, but after coming home I warmed up and began to slowly drink a cup of yerba mate. I passed on an offer of dinner with the excuse I was feeling kind of sick, which I suppose was true in a way.
It is now seven hours after ingestion and Iím mostly back to normal again. I feel very weak and shaky though, probably partly from the lack of food. But the caapi + mushrooms was not a recreational experience, Iím shaking now because it took me so far out. I feel Iíve subjected myself to rather severe stress today.
Was it a good idea taking the Psilohuasca today? No. Am I glad I took it? Yes.
Did I have a sufficiently deep experience this time? Almost too deep. I went right over the cataract and flailed around on the other side, staring back to the calm and placid reality Iíd so willingly smashed.
Thanks for reading.
|Exp Year: 2007
|Age at time of experience: Not Given
|Published: Mar 17, 2007
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|Mimosa tenuiflora (74), Banisteriopsis caapi (169), Syrian Rue (45), Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), Huasca Brew (268) : Various (28), Personal Preparation (45), Entities / Beings (37), Nature / Outdoors (23), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1)
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